Embracing my shadows…

Life is funny really, what may seem to some as the worse thing in the world, may be not what it seems but something else altogether…

It could be something awesome too and while I should focus on that as part of my f**ing new positive self talk suggestion. I find it tedious and completely unnecessary. So I will give you some of my darkness, my weirdness, my shadows.

I believe that I am the most special person to ever live.

I was told at age 8, sitting in the backseat of our family car, eyes fixated upon the bridge we were crossing and I heard very clearly, “You are special”.

And then at a much later time I was told the previous statement by Mary the Mother of God.

But I was actively psychotic so can’t really trust it but it’s there when I think of it and this is how I feel about it~

This is a huge burden or at least it used to be until this very moment. and I find myself trying to embrace this shadow, this embarrassment if it is true and the same otherwise. I can’t do it fully but I am moving in the right direction towards acceptance first and then to not hating it, and then to liking it (current position) and finally to embracing it, not there yet…

That being writ, I must confess it is pretty awesome at times when things happen outside of me confirming this to be true. God touching down at the perfect timing undeniably so. I was born on 10/16 at 10:16, my ss number ends in 7777. I have held the face of Mary in my own face, I was given the gift of schizophrenia in 2006, I earned my masters in psychology post-diagnosis in 2012. I went on disability permanent in 2015. I survived and actually thrived in 2020, but not working outside the home still and rightfully so.

When I try to work weird things happen but alas those are stories for another day.

It is time for me to go to my journal and my sacred space wherever I end up tonight in my home. I love my home. I am blessed to have a home. Was homeless once, another tale.

I like tales but must obey.

pax

Victoria