Big reveal tonight at 12am pst 2021…

Well well well tonight at midnight 🕛 I will be blogging my first post of 2021!!

I am so excited for a new year readers! I don’t have any clue what this blog will be about…

That’s part of my fun today! I am bringing in the new year properly but by myself and my comforts! Going to tidy the house and start the outline for the New Years blog! Any topics will be considered and welcomed. Comment or send me an email at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

Pax

Victoria

Time…

Time is of the essence; we are not promised tomorrow.

Is my life the one I want? Am I content or ever striving for improvement in 6 main areas to be revealed at end of this theme. Suspenseful

Little by little I shall improve and with that I am content. Today nothing was easy but I conquered many a problem happy to report. It’s late and I’m sneaking in a blog before bed.

Ok so the 6 main areas are –

Spiritual- all for Jesus

Fitness- walk more, yoga daily and strength training, dance and gardening 🧑‍🌾 on nice days.

Nutrition- plan, shop, cook healthy but yummy

Social- meet a new friend this year ( might be when vaccines are more readily available)

Relationships- communicate better

Financial- pay off small debt, give more and save for emergency appointment with psychiatrist . Find new charity for cold people (just got my heater replaced) who need a new heater or blankets.

In time…

Pax

Victoria

Power, love, and synchronicity…

Power because we are not powerless. We have to strive for better days than most this year.

I welcome you to search this blog for a few more days any topic you are interested in. I may have blogged about it. Search symbol is at top left. Only will be there a few more days because I can’t afford it.

Back to power. We do have power with our choices. We can make better choices by reading and researching problematic issues in our lives. Do not let the power go.

One example is that I was very cold and my heater is broke so I decided to dance to George Michael (don’t tell Jason mraz please) and warm up! It worked! I used my power to change how I felt.

Change isn’t easy but one good choice leads to another and so on. If needed get a new perspective from a good friend or therapist. Change things up! Get crazy!

Love

Love is all I have right now. I love a lot and am loved too. This is important to recognize because sometimes I forget and gets sad. Growing up I felt unloved and unwanted. But it wasn’t that bad I am just extremely sensitive. I don’t hate this anymore.

Had a hard day today but love is carrying me through.

Synchronicity

Sometimes things work out so perfectly and other times not. Troubled waters are here again due to varying factors but I am still looking up to Him who made heaven and earth 🌍.

Today I read a great quote that went something like this – Lord why do you lead me through troubled waters? He replied that is because it is there your enemies can’t swim.

Still thinking about that one a while…

Peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

I am what I am…

I am nothing more; nothing less. Exactly perfect how I am. My good, my bad, my disorder which gives me great insight into my condition.

Found out today that it costs me practically $300 per visit for my psychiatrist visits New insurance baloney but I’m good so will see him less often and do get free samples but worries that my new insurance isn’t that great.

So what God always provides. I am blessed for sure. I am living in the moment and have found peace in my heart and soul. I am no longer troubled about things. I have acceptance and gratitude for all that is and all that is to come!

God bless all of you whatever your beliefs or lack thereof life is short so shout out a prayer to the Universe and Godspeed…

Merry Christmas 🎄

Pax

Victoria

Learning to love our individuality…

We are all unique; special; wonderfully made….

I truly love who I am today. I am so much more than my diagnosis. I fight and today I kick-assed. I may not be able to hold down a job outside the home but I do so much every day, organizing, planning, paying bills, managing our properties and much much more.

Today I chose to forgo a popular routine of mine and ended up journaling at 9am! Didn’t write much but liked doing it because it puts what is in my head out on paper and helps me to know how I am doing. Today there was not a whole lot going on so I am going to journal at night as I am more of a night owl and get way more creative with my thoughts.

Onto loving our individuality… it is clear that no two people are alike. This is awesome! I often try when I blog to think what might be of interest. Well I am going to stop guessing and just flipping blog.

I love music! Jason Mraz is with me now on Youtube! He rocks! I love all my idiosynchroncies and nuances that make me unique. I love it when I am able to shed new light on a situation that may need it; and when I am able to give back to those from whom so much has been given.

I am no longer suicidal I just realized right now. This is great news! I want to live and see my grandchildren and see my adult children flourish as they already are…

I want so much but mostly I want an equal unified world. Nothing big God. Just what seems impossible at so many levels. But I can dream anyway along with others who came before me and stand on their shoulders and say I want change!

I have much hope in our new President Elect Joe Biden and Vice President elect Kamala Harris. May they help unite this world that is just a bunch of people like me trying to figure shit out. So on I go doing what I can by saying to all the countries that are visiting this blog~ Argentina, Germany, Uk, Mauritus, America, and many many more~ It is wonderful that we can unite on this blog at whatever level one feels comfortable.

God bless and God speed!

Pax

Victoria

The remedy at least for me…

I asked God today for direction and guidance. I have done this before and been amazed at the results. It’s a simple quiet prayer asking to know His will…

Interesting what comes up, do more of this, less of that and so on. Today a dear friend is coming over. It will be fun! I lit some candles and tidied the front room. I don’t have many visitors. Maybe one for 500 of my husbands. He has famous barbecues every week and lots of car buddies. I am content like this as I have my family with me and you never know when things will get hectic.

My husband is off for 2 weeks! Creativity at many levels. Again without the vices that lower my vibration. Must is a word I have found helpful. Must be sober, must write more, must exercise. Why? Because it helps me to live up to my innermost desires, which I believe are not too lofty.

I have always searched for the truth…justifications, excuses, distractions prevent me from living it, but sometimes like yesterday it was the perfect balance of activity, rest and relaxation. It’s the little things sometimes that make my day. Like last night, I went to be with clean sheets and blankets and took a long shower so clean me, clean bed. Went to bed at a decent hour and now ready for the day.

The choices we make today reflect our tomorrows!

So I choose good things again and again.

Have to lose 20 pounds! Bummer but I got this.

peace love light and joy

pax

Victoria

In your hands now…

I trust God. It is up to Him along with my free choice to do or not do His will for me. I get to have a say but also believe in destiny. At any moment in my path I can change the deck of cards and look to Him who made everything…

Life sometimes sucks. The passing of my brother in law seems unfair when there are so many other f$%^&ing assholes out there. Same with senseless crime. It is too much for me to think about at this time so will stick with I know…

I know that God loves me with all that He is which is a lot, it is everything. And I know He has this same love for each one of you and all the world. Even people who appear lost…

my disorder is part of His plan for me!

i am not useless, had to take a break, was feeling useless ha ha

I have a purpose and this blog is a part of it. It has reached around the world and I hope and pray it inspires some if not all of you to NEVER GIVE UP! No matter what. Life is worth living!

peace, love light and joy to all of you

pax

Victoria

I won’t worry my life away…

No! No more! What is the remedy?

Naked honesty (with myself), gentleness, compassion, embracing my shadows, which are those parts of me that I don’t like and have fought against for much of my life.

Tried to do inner child work but alas my inner child said no to a conference. It’s deep, my childhood, cold and strict, and for an empath that is not a good combo.

I was actually adopted at the age of 6 months after my birth mother couldn’t decide if she would keep me or give me up to a Catholic home. Home for 3 months became a loving family but the mother was diagnosed with a terminal cancer so I was in an orphanage for 3 months and then placed with my now parents.

My mother who adopted me at 6 months was cold and didn’t show much affection. But my dad, when he was home from long hours at work was my heart, my lifeline, my everything.

I get to see him today! He is still my heart and life line and I have also made peace with my mother. I accept her for who she is and just don’t expect much but sometimes she surprises me!

So embracing my shadows is a very different thing for me. Mainly right now I am trying to embrace my sensitivity…

For that I shall not worry my life away!

peace, light love and joy

pax

p.s. under attack of a fly

p.p.s. reading a great book right now called spiritual awakening process by sol and luna, I take what I like and leave the rest.

victoria

What is the meaning of life? part one

I ponder this question much and with my limited brain power have come to the conclusion that much of what our perception of the meaning of life is subjective to our own reality.

Our own reality may be skewed or colluded but if we have the desire, we can know our life purpose. Having a mental health disorder does not prevent this from happening. My reality is such that I can create my own life experiences by emitting to the universe my soul’s desires manifesting better outcomes leading to the finding of my purpose in this life.

Does that make sense?

My strong belief is that we each do have a purpose in this life but many of us are not aware enough to begin to travel on the right road. For me this process has been with an ebb and flow that keeps furthering me along the right path I believe with minor detours but like a labyrinth always leading me to the center of the enigma. This enigma is life. A puzzle waiting to be solved, and the key is to not forget the solution.

For me this means many things, mainly that I am taking care of myself first, second taking care of my situation and third giving back once I find that right beat that only I and only you can walk to. The beat of the drum that makes sense to you and you alone. That is what I am talking about.

It is like a chess game. yes I am currently obsessed with chess but have not seen the Queen’s Gambit. There are many obstacles in chess and life, but we can work on solutions. Some days may seem like defeat, but in defeat we are constantly learning. And with this new information we can change our life path…

Of course Jesus is at the center of ALL I DO! But He is not here with me making these decisions or is He? That gentle nudge to do something healthy, that reminder, the Holy Spirit is active and waits for us to consult him.

We just have to ask and emit our desires to the Universe and the Source of all that is Good and sit back and wait…

It is that easy for me but hard at the same time.

peace love light and joy

pax

Victoria

Curiosity at many levels…

What does it mean to have a disorder? I asked my pdoc one time recently if it meant I had a broken brain and he said it did not. So then I wonder exactly what it truly means to have a mental health disorder? I know the term mentally ill drives me nuts because I am not sick so disorder seems more fitting but in terms of what it is much is unknown.

I know I don’t always make the best decisions due to my disorder. But much can be discussed about the effort I took to make each decision and the prayer involved and I wonder if those decisions which may have been mistakes or perhaps not were really just my destiny?

Destined for what it is still unclear but this much I know~

I do not regret being disordered. It really makes life more fun and interesting. It makes me special, unique and I never know when I wake up what kind of day is being offered. I find this to be quite titillating as today has turned into a fine day. Yes the hard days suck but they are less frequent so there’s that.

Life has its ups and downs anyway you look at it-but if I choose to hate certain aspects of my life, I am not living up to my ideals to accept and embrace all life has to offer. I choose life over death, positivity over lack of empathy and I choose God, again and again…

To all of you struggling today, I offer up this day for you. To find peace, making it and carving it out of your lives that you may live better right now.

pax

Victoria