Imperfect days are ok…

Welcome to all new followers. There has been some activity on this blog that encourages me but like I said a long time ago if one person benefits from my musings then I will feel accomplished. I don’t need my ego stoked to continue to blog about real things that matter to you and me. We are one step away from solving all our problems and I am right there with you every step to help navigate life, especially when one has a brain health disorder like me and many of my followers. So here is my update to an imperfect day but that’s ok because I know what to do next.

My food is perfect, but been enjoying light beers. My bad. Going to listen tomorrow to Allen Carr easy way for women to quit drinking. I know I will master this too! I don’t want any escape except for zazen which I was able to sit for ten minutes today! That’s huge. We all know meditation is good for us but how many of us really practice it? Not me until this last week. I know that now I am not smoking weed that I can do it where before it was just a dream.

Today was fun; got my vaccine in morning with my daughter!!! Then traveled 30 miles to Whole Foods with my pupper. I got rainbow chard, vegan cheese, and organic whole carrots which I am most excited about peeling them and tasting their sweetness. I am weird I know but for me food is so important now than ever before. Tonight’s dinner consisted of wilted kale and rainbow chard with air fried eggplant and sweet onion with a little bit of vegan cheese. Yummy! I didn’t finish my dinner but have half a plate to munch on when I get hungry later. I have to eat I am finding more greens to stay full and energized.

Today was a bit of a rest day. Read my empathapedia book which is really awesome and cooked dinner for my hubbie. That’s about it. Oh and my adult married son visited with great vibes. My family is my everything. Friends come and go but in the end it is family we are stuck with so might as well make those relationships work because at times they are all we have. I have made peace with my mom after 50 years of angst. That is huge. I just laugh now at her negativity and the other day she actually said she was happy where she is living! Progress!

Took the day off of writing but it is coming along albeit slow. I am rewriting and rewriting and organizing and right now it is no where close to being ready for publication. But this week I have time to devote to its end and then yahoo!

But the question is will it be done by my goal March 31st? I think it will but I need all the positive thoughts from you all and prayers if you believe in a higher power. I do for He (for lack of better pronoun) has touched down many times and not just when I was psychotic but my earliest memory is age 5 when I recognized God did indeed exist. And many times after…

I cannot deny God’s existence even though I did for a while when I was 18, a proclaimed atheist spreading my ideas. Please forgive me God ! But this is why I make no judgement when people don’t believe. I know and trust He will touch down if needed. And I do pray for the world.

My studies with Buddhism are continuing as a philosophy and model of living. I like this new life that embraces my shadows (still learning how) and impermanence. Much to think about.

These are my thoughts today at the end of an imperfect day. But embracing that and looking for a new start tomorrow!

Peace, love light and joy,

Victoria

Good food and structure…

These two things are my hardest to defeat. I used to be on a diet up until recently since I was 16 (51 now) and now eating has never been easier. I feel great and energized! It is amazing how good food can fuel you. I am falling in love with the taste of veggies and tonight made a no fat guacamole with instead of avocado it had edamame and steamed broccoli. Yummy! I really encourage you if you struggle with your weight or eating the wrong foods (its amazing how much one can learn when interested) or emotional eating to check out Allen Carr’s books on Easyway to quit emotional eating or same author Good sugar Bad sugar. It is eye opening.

Life has never been better after so many years of feeling bloated and fat. The weight is falling off I am happy to report and I am full with the foods I am now eating, seeds, nuts and fruits and veggies. Little bit of secondary foods but limited to small servings. Done with food he he. It just isn’t an issue anymore and I love it!

Now that my time has freed up losing all my vices including bad sugar, I was at a loss with what to do with my time! I would like to share my latest discovery that has helped me immensely.  I have started planning out my day the night before.  Every hour is accounted for and although I don’t follow it perfectly, it gives me guidance throughout the day which is in turn helping me to get more done. 

Before attempting to schedule your day though one must first decide 3-5 things on work and personal to work on and no more.  The idea is to not be doing too many things but to focus on just a few tasks each day.  At the end of the day I review my plan and circle what needs attention the next day.  I have never been a structured individual but have finally found a way that is working for me.  I use a yellow legal pad but any sort of notebook will suffice. 

Well I’m off to unwind from another very productive day. Hoping I can sleep in later than 6:30 am. I have reverse insomnia since I quit vaping nicotine. It sucks but now that I have my schedule, it is easier. If anybody has any tips how to get better sleep please email me or comment.

I can be reached at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

peace love light and joy

Victoria

Thursday musings…

Welcome to my brain! Fortunately I am very focused right now and very clear in several areas that previously caused much confusion.

Still excited about my E-books. I have narrowed it down to just one book by end of March and then the rest will be published as I go. I am not happy with all my writing so far but that’s ok because I feel if it is meant to be it will become clear and I emit my desire to the Universe that I wish to use as few words as possible to bring my points home without ego. Ha how can I have any ego left after all that has happened?

I do because I am human but very humbled again lately. I have lost a dear friend. I was so close to her but it is not to be again. I keep misremembering all these quotes I read yesterday because yesterday was a bit of a rough day and when I find myself at a loss I read quotes for inspiration. But anyway the quote I am referring to went something like this. Don’t pursue people who avoid you. I had just sent her an email asking her to accept me back in her bubble with no response other than thank you. Timing once again…

It is just really painful ya know to again be without a confidante a friend I can really count on. Now that I think of it the friendship wasn’t even that great because it was always about her like 70/30. I have lost so many friends throughout the years and I must now obey what I know to be true and that is that I am not meant for close friends. A famous actress/singer wrote something about this that we are fine without any close friends so I know I will be fine but it’s hard because when you spend a year with someone a lot it becomes a habit and finding my new routine is once again elusive but it will become clear too I am sure!

I did schedule an appointment with my therapist who I haven’t talked to in months it feels. It will be good to process with her much about my dad and little about the loss of my friend.

I have been through so many changes these past two weeks. I will break it down easily. These are what I have no longer in my life and it is an adjustment but necessary and I feel I am on the right path or at least a good one.

Lost a dear friend

Let go of vaping nicotine, alcohol, caffeine (down from one pot a day to one cup if that), bad sugar, social media (very limited time on there) and yes I have finally given up on weed for good.

I am not suffering at all for the absence of any of these things (except teh friendship) because I have done them with the method by Allen Carr. My offer still stands if anyone wants one of his books, I can email anybody a free listen on audible if you send me your email. Smoking and vaping, bad sugar addiction, losing weight, caffeine, weed (can’t send this one though).

My life has changed over a matter of just a few weeks for the better. It is so great to no longer be enslaved to addiction. FREEDOM!!!!

So now I must admit I have been a little bit lost with what to do as much of my time has freed up now that I no longer pursue these activities. So yesterday I was really restless so I drank a beer (didn’t help), drank small cup of coffee (didn’t help), went for a drive with my pup, ate some bad sugar (couldn’t even finish it). Finally I decided to try working out and it helped greatly. Cannot undervalue the importance of exercise for our brain health.

Today I decided to try to schedule every hour of the day. I wrote out tow lists and haven’t followed either one. But at least I have a guideline for my day if I feel lost again. Structure is my nemesis but will keep trying to get the hang of being some sort of schedule. more on this later.

Well that was a lot! thanks for reading if you made it thus far.

Oh one more thing. I got out of serious debt last week! Money is coming to me from every place I couldn’t even imagine. But I don’t need anything except a newer car maybe. It is weird not having those hefty credit card payments monthly and nice to look at my accounts without the debt hanging over my head.

If your finances are your nemesis then I highly recommend Dave Ramsey’s FPU Financial Peace University. It took me years to stop charging and then to pay it off but it was worth it every effort.

Ok now I’m done I think,

peace love light and joy

victoria

New eating regimen…

Veggies/fruit/seeds and nuts is my diet these days and I am loving it for the most part. Avoiding all bad sugar foods is easy as long as I have food I can eat. I don’t really care that much about eating anymore ever since reading “Good Sugar, Bad Sugar” by Allen Carr. It has really helped me to see how eating certain foods really fueled my addiction to sugar laden foods which I no longer am even tempted to consume.

Added benefit, down 6 pounds in a week! It’s just falling off!

Last night was a discombabulated mess. I went to bed early for me, 10pm, and forgot to take me antipsychotic risperdal because I always take it an hour before bed as it helps me fall asleep. In fact the few times I have forgotten it has been because I can’t fall asleep. But this wasn’t the case last night. I woke up at 330am and stayed up till 5am when I realized my blunder and took my pills and slept in till 930am. But I am still very tired???

I want to work on my book but may a little later….

Sleep really affects me!

pax

Victoria

Monday Morning Musings…

Good morning!

I am very hyper today because I finally get to start working on my 7 ebooks. It has been 2 weeks of many changes so I am seeing a new Reiki healer/crystal healer tonight to help me balance my chakras with all the new changes-quitting nicotine (it’s getting easier to smoke weed without the nicotine), quitting alcohol and bad sugar, basically a vegetarian now.

I am very pleased with my new life so can embark again on my writing projects. I have organized it all and ask for positive vibes, prayers, thoughts for me to be able to bring it all together.

I am still looking for input on some of the ebooks. So far I have pieces of writing from my readers on: food and mental health, beauty and mental health and exercise and mental health. I am still looking for people with a mental health disorder to help me out with my other ebooks on surviving the pandemic and mental health, having a spiritual practice and mental health, cleanliness and mental health and my favorite (well they are all my favorite actually) writing and mental health.

Please the time for publication is approaching with no pressure on my part but the sooner I can get everyone who is interested in helping others with a mental health disorder to participate the better. The time is now is my motto today. Reading about zen living is helping me to find my bearings and focus on what is most important right now. Allow me to explain…

One of the exercises in “Idiots guide to zen living” is to write out everything you want to do. I wrote a lot including learning Japanese and redecorating the house. Then they had me narrow down the list to the top 5 things to be your priority and to scratch the rest off the list. I did this and ended up with these 5 things to work on every day~

NURTURING MY RELATIONSHIPS

EATING HEALTHY

WRITING MY 7 EBOOKS

GARDENING

AND LAST AND LEAST MEDITATING 15 MINUTES A DAY

I actually had to get up and look at my list because I couldn’t remember what the fifth item was so I guess it isn’t really that important. So off I go to write some more. I shall be back soon. Bless you all!

peace love light and joy

Victoria

Passively suicidal at a thought of life without…

What is the one thing you cannot do without? It used to be coffee and vaping nicotine but now it is weed. The thought of living without it makes me want to rather be dead than alive. Rejection, loss, sadness, fear, isolation, rejection from one person who understands me. Is it addiction or rather just a way to feel normal? To relieve stress and relax?

Nothing’s going to stop me but divine intervention.

I get a lot done in a day. Today wasted 2.5 hours on a program to quit weed. Didn’t work. Why do I think so much about quitting? Would you all really like to know? Rather I title this blog as “God told me to quit 3 times” and try to understand why now even though I don’t believe it does me harm in any way except when I think of quitting. I shall gladly share if even one person likes this post…

peace love light and joy

victoria

Late night musings…

It’s late and today was another good solid day of work, relaxation and everything in between.. I am no longer getting the brain mapping done. I shall explain below.

I am decidedly a much happier person no longer vaping nicotine or weed or drinking any alcohol. I am now working on my diet, not going on a diet, those don’t work, but eating when I am hungry whole plant -based foods 99% of the time. When I need to be sociable, I will eat meat or fish and have small amounts of cheese but no processed foods or sugar for this gal…

It’s amazing but it is so true that when the student is ready the teacher will come. My teacher was in the form of the passed on Allen Carr may his soul rest in peace, who wrote all the books that have unanimously helped me to understand and overcome addiction.

For instance it is a myth that we have addictive personalities. I always used this as an excuse for my using and drinking among other vices, but no more… I used to be addicted to those things but no more, I have been set free and I am elated as he promises in his books.

Here is my list of books I listened to on audible and the progression of what the last week looked like for me. It’s kind of really hilarious when I think of it but hey much progress in short time.

Allen Carr is the author of all these books

  1. Easyway to stop smoking (including vaping)- I was terrified to give up this addiction but I learned from this book that the myth that quitting is hard is really just that a myth. I read about this book but was skeptical but finally gave it a listen and he encourages one to smoke or vape during reading or listening to the book so there are no distractions. He also says to be successful one has to follow all the instructions which I did and even though once I realized that all that vaping was doing was giving me a head rush and causing me much anxiety and didn’t even want that final vape, I did it and gladly dumped all my vaping paraphernalia in the trash outside. FREEDOM. It was easy and all I had to do when I had a craving was to really embrace that I no longer do that and that it was a sign that my mortal enemy was dying, the little monster, the vape and the big monster is my head which is utterly convinced I will never pick up again. I had quit alcohol Feb 14th, got awesome news that changed my life, and knew I had to do this for myself… quit weed soon after and then quit vaping 3 days later. Not a miracle, just followed his instructions to a t.
  2. Easy way to control your drinking- surprise ending but no longer have any desire to put that toxin in my body but if I want a drink I can, I just don’t want to anymore he he.
  3. Easy way to lose weight, Easy way for women to lose weight and today just finished Good Sugar Bad Sugar which I probably should of started with. I had my final meal of my favorite pizza and a pepsi and made my solemn vow to never eat junk again. I will share more on this in a week or so after implementing the necessary changes to the way I eat!
  4. Easy way to mindfulness- this audible book is helping me to now stay in the present moment more calmly. Not quite finished with it but it’s there whenever I need more inspiration!

So that has been my week. 30 hours of listening on my phone to one of the most easy to understand authors and follow along taking notes when needed. Today if someone asked me that silly question if you could spend one hour on a park bench with one person from history it would be Allen Carr! Email me if you want a free audible book on any of the ones I wrote about. It’s free and would love for my readers to benefit too especially if one cannot afford to purchase the books.

That’s all tonight. Tomorrow starts my work again writing the 7 Ebooks. Please if you have any suggestions on any of the topics I wrote about originally mental health and …… or helpful ways you have overcome addiction or any other mental health related topic please email me at: victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com and thank you to all who have already shared their favorite tips of coping during this pandemic. I can share your name or anonymously if one prefers. But excited to get started in the morning after my breakfast of fruit…

Oh and that brain mapping I was going to do with neurofeedback? Saved me thousands!!! God is good!

peace, love, light and joy

Victoria

Totally clean oh my!

Well my little hiatus is over! I have detoxed successfully off nicotine and am sober, clean and even off caffeine! This is nuts!

Allen Carrs books easy way to quit smoking/vaping and drinking has made me a happy non smoker forever! It basically ruins your desires to ever smoke, drink or eat junk food again! Wow!

I knew February would be the shift in the alignment of the planets to bring much good light and joy to me and many who are open to receive the many blessings the Universe is readily handing out. God is so good!

I am sifting through some paperwork, taxes and whatnot and then will be working on my 7 ebooks again.

So much has happened since I last wrote! A tsunami of good, money and ideas are flowing. I lost communication with my dearest friend but that sad truth is a story for another day. I think I am just not meant to have close friends but that’s ok with me because I’ve been much more productive not having her in my life.

I will share more soon but just wanted to let you all know I am doing well! Quitting vaping has decreased my anxiety and quitting coffee has removed my digestive issues!

Can’t wait to get back to regular blogging! Thank you all for the wonderful support! I have received a few mental health tips from my readers for the books that I will be trying to finish end of March but no pressure. If anyone else has tips feel free to share them on here or email me at: Victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

Peace love light and joy

Victoria

I’ve got it all…

Ok, this is crazy now, money has been falling my way for the last few years but it’s crazy because right now I am getting money from the most random places and some of it is a major monthly savings. I drive a 2003 suv so finally will be able to get a newer car. I love my car though…

But money isn’t everything! I am sober and soon to be done with vaping…

My health is questionable but seeing a holistic doctor soon but the paperwork is crazy long. I’m over half way done and should finish it this weekend…

My craziness still shows up though in different ways. I am not recovered. I get the urge sometimes to just get wasted but I don’t, anymore. No it is a sober life I seek and if you seek something it shall manifest.

Just like the money. I’m not rich but having an easy time saving instead of blowing it all. I can be very impulsive and sometimes I just do things like make a big purchase and then be like I didn’t even think about that. I just bought a good supply of my goterpy cbd oil to help with the anxiety and delusions. I still have some cbd oil but am increasing my dosage by half and already notice a difference although last night was hard.

Are you having money problems? Emit to the Universe your desire to get debt free and have extra money on hand and sit back, soak it in after a bit and then get busy figuring ways out how you can get more money. I recommend Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University which is a course I completed many years ago. But I still get their emails and do the every dollar budget when I have money to budget. This led me to a financial advisor who has saved me money and also helped us with better investments. I am not money driven but it is nice to know I am not watching every penny in my account.

So much going on I can’t share…soon!

peace, love light and joy

victoria

Returning to new normal…

Getting shit done

Relaxing and meditating in between

studying my big book of AA and next writing

letting people know I don’t drink anymore again…

It’s been a productive morning and I’ve been busy. Called my local Catholic Church to volunteer with a coat/blanket drive that Deacon Doug Halverson Rip Dec 2020 started many years ago. Didn’t get the response I wanted. I have such a huge heart for the homeless. Need to find a way to start my own drive of some sort. We shall see.

Action is important and so is giving back to this world which I have not always been able to do but I feel like I have a lot to offer just haven’t found my niche yet.

Now must write about my health history for a new holistic doctor who supports my medication management for Schizoaffective Disorder. It’s funny but he won’t even see someone unless they are willing to give up nicotine. Which I am and which may be causing the digestive issues???

Anyway boring boring boring. I have lived with this condition for almost 5 years…. and now I get to write about it fun. Sorry for whining but it really sucks to be stuck in the bathroom much of the morning.

I have a serious issue which I cannot write about yet. And my good news too! Some things are sensitive and must hold my space here and be good:)

peace, love light and joy

victoria