On pause…even this disorder lies in waiting…

This world 🌎 is so strange right now…my dad is dying, any moment now, and covid has changed everything! Zoom instead of people coming over. Ah so what? We were still together. Covid cannot stop love ❤️

I am avoiding many things right now: driving, social media, certain family and wine. In that order, but making sure I take care of myself. Sleep, food, water! Exercise is minimal but don’t feel like doing much.

I’m being gentle with myself the best I can ! Today is my baby boy s 22 birthday 🎂! My daughter and I made it special and even just helped him make a wonderful meal. Clean up is done and my dad didn’t pass on his birthday!

God is good! I am also taking a break from blogging the next part of the series negative and cognitive symptoms. But if you want to read past blogs about anything including the fore mentioned. Just use the search bar to the left of this pages title.

Will still check in but so overcome by grief I don’t know if this makes sense but even my disorder waits on hold . Very clear thinking about much but still some confusion too. No positive symptoms not even delusional. Going to start some new projects once life continues.

For now thank you for holding this space with me! Peace love light and joy 🥲

Pax

Victoria

Morning musings Monday…

It’s a fine day here in California, USA. I greet the day with open arms and welcome all that the day has to offer. My intention for this week is to be kind. But I want more although that is a great start. I want to take risks and change things up, clearing away negative energy and putting light love peace and joy instead.

Small goals I know but achievable step by step. Today starts with a blog with my plan for the week because without a plan I will get minimal done and I want to achieve a lot because the world is my oyster.

Be kind

to me, to others, to all animals

Move more~

Yoga

Walking with my doggie

stretching

good food~

good drink~

less coffee

more h20

These are my basic goals. In addition I want to make lavender goat milk soap and garden. I also want to do some more shadow work and play with my crystals and spend time learning more about them.

How will I get there? Well this is a great start to my week mapping it out on here. Today is a day at home with much to be done yet will pace myself with relaxation along the day or way:)

I am excited anyway to have goals for breaking my habit of sitting all day! Of course I have the notion that I am wise and that sitting all day meditating, listening to upbeat music, drinking coffee, vaping and little social media all day makes me some sort of wise old woman. People come visit me and my pups are always at my side. Incense or candles burn or both. I am at peace at these times but have to remember to eat. Not too hungry these days…

peace love light and joy

pax

Victoria

Death awaits…

Still holding light vigil for my dad. Thank you for any prayers for his eminent transition. I am thinking it will be January. So I am somber but also use humor to deflect dark thoughts about death and how much he is currently suffering. Peace be with you dearest dad, my love for you is sure and this pain I do feel.

How blessed we all are to be able to watch the sunset from wherever we are. Tonight’s will be glorious. A premonition of sorts for February, the month when things will get better.

Peace, love, light and joy

pax

Victoria

Late night blog…

Hot tea, incense burning, lavender oil on pillow, and hand lotion, music so pretty, winding down for the night but it has been a crazy sort of day…

Melt down, recovering still, must be gentle with myself…

My best friend knows and is praying 🙏

No voices no messages and grateful for that!

I toy with danger at times and last night I got too close to the flames 🔥

Tonight it’s a 180’ turn

Much better and not bored

Good night 💤

Peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

God is love…

And love is everything. In our love for the source of all that is good! Love must permeate my every action and belief.

I believe in an equal world 🌎 for all nations, genders, sexuality or lack thereof, religions, religious and atheists too! And to all who believe in communicating with the dead and God.

Bless you all! Every country, all people!

Namaste peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

Schizophrenia/ Schizoaffective Disorder Education Part 1…

I am not a medical professional and will not diagnose or treat anyone. This blog is meant to be narrative and educational at the same time. But it is not a substitute for real psychiatric care.

Schizophrenia is the gift I received in April 2006. Schizophrenia is loss of touch with reality. I had rare insights into my condition after 2 years of being psychotic. In 2008, I diagnosed myself with the help of the internet. A few months later my psychiatrist fine-tuned my diagnosis to schizoaffective disorder which is schizophrenia plus depression and other markers.

The years of 2006 and 2008 were full of good and bad memories. I experienced positive symptoms during this time. Positive symptoms are hallucinations( hearing and seeing things that aren’t there) hearing voices, psychotic and delusional. It was a wonderful scary time… Mixed with voices from Jesus and Mary, many messages, but I am getting ahead of myself, let me back up.

There are 3 types of symptoms with schizophrenia, positive (as described above), negative and cognitive symptoms. I will talk more about negative and cognitive symptoms in part 2 of this series.

I have not had positive symptoms for many years. Haven’t heard voices since 2007 but have been delusional as that is the hardest symptom to get rid of. I have written much about these times and will be posting some links soon or feel free to use the search feature located to the left of my title. You might try psychotic, delusional, or negative symptoms for example and a blog will come up that might interest you..

Yesterday celebrated 29 years of marriage to the same man ha ha. And this part of January is the anniversary of getting help at UCLA in 2008, 13 years ago. So lots to celebrate.

More to come so follow me to get the next part to this series. I have a paperwork trail to attend to for some financial stuff so will post part 2 early next week.

Questions are welcome! I am a bit disorganized (cognitive symptom) but not going to let that stop me from trying to help others understand this disorder. Feel free to email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com at my private email with any questions, comments, or to just say hi and if you do be sure to let me know where you are from. I am in California!

Hoping and praying for USA and the whole world!

peace, love light and joy

pax

Victoria

Welcome to my blog! For new readers click here for my brief bio.

Victoria here with a late night blog. I am still holding a vigil for my father who is eating again but is still very weak from lack of food and recovery from covid. It’s been a day mixed with tears, laughter, dancing, singing, cooking, music on repeat and laundry!

Odd sort of day but here I am excited to share some new ideas I have about this blog. Starting tomorrow I will be blogging about what schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder are and my personal experience with the positive, negative and cognitive symptoms. I will explain more in detail and questions are welcomed.

I am calling it Schizophrenia Education and Personal experiences…

I’m excited anyway so till tomorrow.

peace love light and joy

pax

Victoria

My theme for 2021…

Where will I spend my energy? that is my theme for this year and every moment of 2021.

Time is not guaranteed so I am reevaluating many aspects of my life and working at maneuvering around obstacles that will always be present but heck I’m not gonna give up!

Today is a good day! It is Sunday so restful day but I already played and lost two games of chess, did hot yoga, switched to tea mid morning from coffee, blogging, organizing my year by months (nothing spectacular), attended part of Mass and now going on walk with daughter!

Music this year so far is George Michael. Rip dear George. He was only 53 when he passed, so young, and I am 51. Time is not guaranteed to anyone…

Make the most of it

peace, love light and joy

pax

Victoria

What does a mentorship look like?…

I have been mentored by many at different stages in my life. Some have passed on, some I outgrew and some are still with me on my journey.

I have offered to be a mentor for anyone on here so just want to explain a little more what that entails. It is free and even if you don’t feel like I’m a good fit, it is good to know what it might look like because I believe we all need one. My current mentor is also my best friend which makes it fun. But I’m always on the prowl to have another.

What does it look like though? It requires the willingness to explore parts of our lives in a non judgemental way. Comparison is discouraged but others who may have a life that is attractive for us can help us to decide what we want our lives to look like.

Some areas that will be explored will be uncovered by asking these sorts of questions.

Where are we stuck?

What are some obstacles?

What are some options?

What would be something that can generate change?

What does your ideal life look like?

What are your strengths?

What do you like?/dislike?

These are just some examples.

My main passions are chess, yoga, walking, all dogs and cats, Italy, meditation, music, gardening, spoiling my children and husband, tidying and organizing.

Now I am not an expert in any of these fields especially chess, novice at best; but I won’t let that stop me from learning more about each and every one of my passions. I’m not going to say this year because I don’t like to make resolutions on Jan 1 but rather every day I work to improve an area.

Now lets talk about mental health in a mentorship. I suffer from schizoaffective disorder and do not have any positive symptoms (hearing voices, seeing things, hallucinations of any sort) and my negative symptoms are at bay thanks to cbd oil I take every day. I do have some cognitive impairments but manage to live a very highly functioning life despite these deficits.

I believe I can be of help to people especially who suffer from schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder because I have suffered so much and am at a really good balanced place now. I have been passively suicidal, hospitalized 3 times (last time was when I tried to return to work and stress caused a relapse) and here I am now 3 years into being on permanent disability and kicking butt and taking names.

I manage my home, along with our other properties. I work 6 days a week but try to blog 7 days a week. I am busy but relax a lot too. There is always room for improvement and I am currently seeking a mentor who is knowledgeable about the metaphysical. I put this out there to the Universe and the Source of all that is good. I expect results manifested…

My ideal life would be one much like I have right now with a few tweaks. Life is a lot like chess; all about strategy.

peace, love, light and joy to you all!

pax

Victoria

Shazam… my best thoughts for 2021…

A world 🌎 of peace, unity and less mental health stigma! I see this for 2021 with January still being hard but great things coming in February 2021!!

The planets will be aligned uniquely all because the Source of all that is good wills it so!

My personal goals matter and so do yours! It’s not about resolutions seriously but rather a way of life with kindness and love and joy at the center of it all near the heart ❤️ of Jesus!

Don’t worry about a thing! Just set your intention every day and watch as it gets manifested. Life is not long enough to do, say and write all that is important.

It’s about discernment. Does my next minute of activity need to be where I am? Or somewhere else? I am willing to help anyone through email correspondence and phone if needed, to help anyone find their purpose in life.

Before making the decision to work with me consider a few things, first are you willing to be open to new possibilities? Or are you content with your life? If you’re not I’m willing to assist.

I am not a therapist but am holding a masters degree in psychology and bachelors in sociology.

I have been diagnosed since 2008 with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, ocd, bipolar tendencies and anxiety. I am stable now for many years and love to connect with others. I saw Russia visited this blog recently! Welcome!

Also Ireland and many countries. Let’s connect!

I can be reached victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

God bless and happy new year!!! 🎊🎆🎈

Pax

Love light and joy

Victoria