Quitting smoking, finances and art oh my:)

Good morning to all my readers!

It is a special day for me, will share more about this at the end.

I have quit smoking with a plan and am on day 5 with not one puff!  I am doing a little vaping at 3mg, my CBD oil which helps me to be more creative, and nicotine lozenges.  I am doing this not only for myself but for my children namely my son Dominic….

Finances are not good, but I have a plan for that too.  Applied for a retail job last night, think it might be enjoyable to work at a department store for 20-30 hours a week and still help my mom and visit my dad.  Need the money and the low pay won’t affect my permanent disability if I get it.  It has been one month since the hearing, with one to two months to go to get the verdict.  The lawyer made a strong argument in my favor why I can’t work gainfully.  I think I will win but until I know for sure it is a little nervewracking.

But I have been keeping busy with my collages, lately of loved ones for birthday cards and made a family heart shaped collage for me to look at when I want to smoke.  It really helps.  Have been making meditation cards for an upcoming show also, have about 20 so far with a goal to make 20 more.  I do this when my husband is watching tv and I sit at the kitchen table in the shared room and collage, cut and paste these beautiful pictures of anything and everything from butterflies to a mosque.  Lots of nature pictures too and peaceful images.  Don’t know what to sell them for as they cost nearly nothing to make.  Spent 18$ on a laminator and ten bucks on the sleeves.  Oh well, not in it for the money anyway.  If anyone wants me to make them one email me and I can custom make one for just cost of shipping 1$ or so…  victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

So I am staying busy while I await the verdict… gardening some, sparking, walking, cleaning house, sanding cabinets to paint in the kitchen, and getting rid of anything that isn’t nailed down  ha ha.  Also been shopping quite a bit on Amazon, love their lightening deals.

Anxiety is managed at the moment and delusions have lessened again thanks be to God and Mary whose special feast day is today.  Our Lady of Sorrows pray for us!

Hope everyone is doing well too!

Pax

Victoria

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CBD oil for Schizophrenia

I have been vaping pure CBD oil for about a month now and have noticed significant changes in my symptoms.  The messages from God have ceased to a great degree and although the delusions come and go they are mostly not believed thanks to many proofs.  CBD oil not only helps with the positive symptoms but also the negative one.  It gets me moving and helps me to be more creative too!

My cousin has done significant research on its usage and correlation of helping people with Schizophrenia so I tried it and noticed a huge change although I am still taking my antipsychotic medication and probably never will stop!

Going to mention it to my pdoc next visit as last time I saw him I was receiving many messages from God and he was mildly concerned and wanted to see me sooner than usual.  He’ll be glad things are back to normal well whatever that is anyway ha ha.

I have many projects I am working on right now, planting a lemon tree, sanding and painting the cabinets which is taking forever and eventually painting both bathrooms cream.

Well hope you are  all doing well.  I am still making collages and have begun personalizing them:)

Happy Labor Day 2017!

Pax

Victoria

Have found my creative niche at last….

Now with the permanent disability hearing behind me and awaiting the outcome in the next two to three months I have needed something to occupy my time and I have found something I really enjoy that might make me money!

I have been collaging for a very long time and am at it again.  I take pics from magazines and brochures and paste them to black poster board, different scenes.  Just bought a cheap laminator and going to laminate them to finish them off.  I’m in no hurry but did take about 6 of them to a local shop that sells interesting items.  She invited me to have a space at a show in November or December.  Excited!!

Don’t know how to show them off here but can anyone tell me how to store them online?

Thanks

Pax

Victoria

On upcoming hearing…

My disability hearing is coming up on August 14, I will simply state the truth..

That I am disabled and unable to hold down a decent job.  My anxiety rules my days although I do sleep at night.

I tried to work outside my field and did well in the training part of the job but when I was out of training I found it very hard to remember all that I needed to do and was severely stressed out each day I went to work.  My psychiatrist agrees and recommends that I don’t work.  I do help my frail mother at times and go see my dad who had a stroke and is paralyzed at a care facility.  But to hold down a job I just don’t feel capable due to the Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia plus depression.

I am not worried, God has my back but it is still stressful to go through it all and show up in front of a judge.

Pax

Victoria

One has to laugh…

So my appointment at the psychiatrist went well.  After I shared with him all the positive experiences I am having with God He was not overtly concerned but asked if it interferes with my functioning.  It did not I shared with him.  When I brought it up that many of my readers suffer from negative experiences he said that that was more often the case with people who share my disorder, Schizoaffective, or Schizophrenia.  I am fortunate I guess but I feel the pain of those who have more negative experiences.  It must be very hard to live with that sort of reality.  My reality is good; I feel I am in God’s will in all things, confusion and all.

But what made me laugh was when I was leaving and I asked him when he wants to see me back.  He pondered the question (normally I see him every 3 months) but instead he said, “a month”  and then added “or two”.  I chose the latter but laughed that he is concerned about my connection with God.  I am not…

I submit all things to my Creator who made me, and you and all people and heaven and earth!

Pax

Victoria

No longer delusional… so happy to say!

Hello Readers,

Tonight it finally happened, the deepest delusion fell away at some bizarre thought I had and it had to do with publishing my book.

This is tremendous news and I feel so happy about it!  The weight of the world is off of my shoulders and I praise God for helping me to get to the bottom of this conundrum.  It has been a mystery for so long, since 2006 so many nights ago…

Pax

Victoria