May series cont…Music~

Music has always been a part of my life…

It speaks to my soul at times and other times it is just a distraction…

Music used strategically can be a great motivator.  Listen to a favorite relaxing or jamming song after you accomplish a task, new or one you have been putting  off.  And then walk or dance or just sit in a comfortable chair or lay on your bed and listen away…

It also is fun when others enjoy your music with you.  I love listening to Simple Man with my husband as it is his favorite and I enjoy it more because of that… or listening to Jason Mraz, I won’t give up or Sarah Bareilles, She used to be mine or 1000 things.

I love almost all music from gospel with Elvis Presley to Heavy Metal Metallica or Pearl Jam.  The only music I don’t have a taste for is jazz but I appreciate people who are into it, and country on a limited basis of a handful of artist,  Keith Urban or Shania Twain.  Can’t forget Johnny Cash, Elton John and George Michael.

The last talented artist I will address is Justin Bieber.  I am a huge fan of this artist because of his dedication to others who suffer like him, giving them hope when he himself has seen the darkness depression enslaves…  giving away so much through his music, documentaries and interviews.  Thank you to all!

Pax

Victoria

 

With a mother’s heart…

I wish all of you a Happy Mother’s Day!  All woman need to be celebrated today I believe…

Jason Mraz has a new song called Wise Woman which is here just in time for Mother’s Day.  Beautiful rhythm and melody and the words capture many woman in my life.  For we are not mothers because we give birth to a child, no we are mothers when we care for another needs; albeit a pet, spouse or anyone in our life that we may touch.

I have 3 mothers. I am very blessed.  I have my mother in heaven, Mary, who helps me at every turn.  I have my adoptive mother who means the world to me because she chose me and loves me so.  And I have my birth mom, who is amazing and I wish I could get to be in her life more but alas it is not to be.

And I am a mother of 4 (3 still living) and was very blessed by them all weekend.

More gardening tomorrow.

God bless you all!  Especially moms who either have schizophrenia or are moms of children who have schizophrenia.

Pax

Victoria

 

May 2020 Series~

Welcome to this series, which may be the first of many. I am doing extremely well during this pandemic; been working on my mental, physical and spiritual health to a great degree. I wanted to share with all of you how my life has changed during these most difficult times. I look forward to each day and although I am mainly very focused, I still have my moments of difficulty but am symptom free.

Prior to this pandemic, I would just sit for hours all day long and maybe get the dishes done. But now, sitting isn’t what I want to do anymore. Ironically, writing about all these topics of what has benefited me, has been beneficial.

Here are the topics so far for the May series. Feel free to click on the link to go to the page. Any comments are welcome!

The topic for the June 2020 series is Caregivers! It’s my daughters birthday month and I think this theme is fitting because she has been my main caregiver since I was diagnosed in 2008. Although I don’t need her support anymore like I once did, her care for me was priceless. If anyone is a caregiver and would like a certain topic discussed, I would be happy to oblige as I am able. As usual I can be reached at my private email: victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

Peace to all of you

pax

Victoria

Over productivity side affects…

Greetings to all!

I have been busier than usual this weekend and today…

But I’m still looking for that safe place to land…

Feeling off despite being physically active.  Took my cbd oil and have been taking my supplements but I’m just a little off.  Listening to heavy metal music right now.  It’s my mood.  Off to Nether nether land, boom!

It’s great to have projects to be doing and all the while keeping up with house and bills.  I have a friend who is not mentally disordered who told me today that she quit from her job as maid and cook.  I was like wow, how do you do that?  Haven’t heard back.  Problems in the union I suppose but it made me grateful that I am not feeling like quitting but it would be nice to get a day off.

I do a lot in a day most days lately but I take a lot of breaks.  Still vaping unfortunately but it is an addiction and not one easy to break.  One day…

My unit family at home with me are all pitching in to make the yard better.  This is a miracle.  We have weeds everywhere, well not anymore, and it is great to be buying plants.  Today my husband wanted an orange tree so off I went!  Son will dig hole and plant it and I will take care of it.

I have a side garden where I like to relax with my doggies and it has been overgrown with weeds for over a year.  I am physically limited on how much I can do.  I am not in great shape for gardening but am trying.  My daughter did all the weeding on the side garden!  She worked hard and I am so grateful.

May series starts soon!  It has been a challenge to write the blogs in a word document that really addresses my guessing at what types of readers read this blog.  I don’t get much feedback and always target the Schizophrenia population as that is where my heart lies.  So the aim of this series will be around how some of these activities can be helpful to people with Schizophrenia.  But they are also helpful for people with other mental health disorders or anybody right now with this pandemic.  Off I go to write day 2!

Still open to suggestions.  Feel free to email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com and let me know your interests and struggles.  This is my personal email and will not be seen by anybody but me.

So to conclude.  I am off mentally today but that is ok.  I am not going to be 100 percent every day.  And although I am being over productive I find it is hard for me to rest now that I have gotten a taste of what activities can do for me.  But am going to lay down and take a nap because that is the next thing on my list then it is back to the gardens!

God bless and stay safe.

Pax

Victoria

 

 

How are we doing?…

These are weird times and I wonder how my followers and new readers are doing.  I know not many will answer but I care so am asking.  And if you don’t know here is the checklist I use to check in with myself.

  • Am I keeping my appointments with my psychiatrist, therapist, friends I check in with, touching in with family? Yes.
  • How is my anxiety?  Good.  What do I need right now?  A bath, incense, relaxing activities…Do I need to take a deep breath in and out a few times? yes.  Is my body tense in some areas? No. Do I need to stretch or do some yoga for a bit? yes but not going too because it’s too late.  Take my cbd oil? yes Drink a glass of water?  drinking one right now.  Wash my hands, again? no
  • Have I exercised or at least moved my body?  yes.
  • Have I gotten outside for some sunshine and fresh air? yes.
  • How are my delusions?  Today not so bad, not feeling very special which is great!
  • am I hearing voices or sounds?  nah, haven’t for many years except for the occasional humming in my ear.
  • Am I taking my medicine?  yes, just did, never miss a dose
  • have I gotten my favorite music in mainly Jason Mraz?  Yes and yes, found a new band, Music, travel, love.  Very relaxing…
  • Have I connected with God?  I ask this question last not least and my answer is yes but no messages, thank you God!

These are just some of my questions I ask myself.  So my answer about how I am doing is pretty good tonight.  Off to bed, meant to write about my crazy day but alas this came out instead.

God bless you all,

pax

Victoria

Upcoming guest article on financial planning for my readers and me too!

Gracefully, I was contacted by a gentleman who wanted to bring his knowledge of financial planning to my blog.  Happily I accepted and it will be released soon coming up hopefully by this weekend.  It’s good advice for anyone but especially people who suffer from Schizophrenia or other mental health disorders (I still refuse to call myself sick).

So watch for it with the # financial planning for the mentally disordered or follow my blog.  You can also contact me as usual at: victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com with any questions or suggestions.

I have never had a guest blogger so am pretty excited to share his blog with you.  Thank you ahead Ed!

As far as my quarantined life I am doing pretty good actually.  Been keeping myself busy with various cooking, cleaning, gardening and blogging projects.  Which by the way leads to my next topic.

May 1, 2020 I will be releasing a series of blogs throughout May with various topics daily hopefully.  My first blog will be on the benefits of…. your choice or mine?  Any suggestions see email above and put in title, topic request.

Some that I am thinking of are music, gardening, yoga, eating healthy etc.  But am open.

I am also awaiting my new acoustic guitar to arrive!!!  Should my first song be “I won’t give up” by my favorite musician Jason Mraz?  For those of you who have been with me for a while know my mantra has been through my hardest times, ‘still not giving up’ based on Jason’s song.  So it will be a tribute of some sort to him.  My son plans to learn it too and is also excited  But I am staying sane and healthy at home for now with my other projects.

Hope this blog finds all of you with peace and love in your hearts,

pax

Victoria

 

Part 5 of my schizophrenia love journey…

3–5pm is my witching hour.  I am impulsive, anxious and often lonely.  The last few days I have been busy with family stuff and have been with someone at that time and I was fine.

My husband works long hours and I am alone much of the day and nothing is safe when the hour hits.

Tonight I am alone in my home back from the train ride and helping my son and daughter in law move and visiting with my daughter, brother and other son.

Such a strange day for many reasons.  I  am glad now to be alone with my music in the background.  I use music as therapy, that and my dogs.  I love them all!

I am turning this series into an ongoing conversation of me sharing my heart and soul with anyone who wants to read it.

When i hit 36 I was given the gift of Schizophrenia and my life has changed in so many ways, some good and some hard.  I will not say they are bad because I don’t know what is good for me, only God knows perfectly what is to become of me.

So the facade continues, how long can I keep it up we shall see but as of late been productive so I take that as a good sign that I am doing ok actually even though when the demons come it sometimes scares me.

I fear many things, some of it real and some of it imagined.  I am very sensitive to the mood of others and choose to surround myself with positive people.  Life can be very funny and I try to laugh every day.

God is the love of my life though.  I used to be atheist and am so glad now that God has revealed himself to me in so many beautiful ways that are only explainable  in heaven.

Pax

Victoria

 

 

Things that stress me out…

 

and how I cope with a mental disorder.

  1. Money, although there always is some but yet wham, the unexpected or balloon payment is due like say for your taxes.  Mine are due in October.  Think of something else.  Don’t spend a dime.  Save if one can, even pennies add up to dollars.  I have definitely gotten better at saving this year.  I stopped shopping for everything on Amazon and am being more frugal about going to the store for every little item.  My husband was supposed to take over the bills because of my disorder but it hasn’t happened and never will probably.

I don’t work so I have more time to find coupons and deals when we do spend.  He makes a decent income so if I am careful I can really tuck some money away if I’m careful.

I know I am blessed.  I can’t imagine being single and having to rely on my disability income which I get $1,000 a month.

2. Sickness and getting older.  I am not as fit as I used to be but am getting back on track.  But I have been dealing for the past two weeks with a new medical problem surrounding digestive issues and am really trying to avoid going to the doctor right now because of lack of insurance (see #3) at least until October 1.

To combat this stress I try to eat healthy all the time with the occasional goodie.  I also am now exercising 4x a week on average.  I am gardening, walking and doing yoga throughout the week.  This helps my getting in better shape and also helps mental alertness and health.  Today was a rest day and all I wanted to do was to rest but I am in the middle of several projects around the house and rose garden so it was actually harder than I thought it would be to take a day off but my body needed the rest.  So back at it tomorrow!

Although this can stress me out a lot I am learning that the key to my happiness is acceptance.

Now i am much more motivated to do the healthy things that I am doing.  Which in the past it has really been problematic to just sit all day and do nothing, now I do rest in the mornings but do get busier later in the day.  So it is good that I am treating my body better because I have really been sick a lot and it has caused me to make sure I do all I can to be healthy.

I might go to the doctor this week.  We shall see how things go but this relates to #1 the money stress with doctor bills and testing they might want to do.

3.  My parents.  I accept they will not always be around but my dad is paralyzed on his left half of his body and my mom is a fighter but is still very frail yet tough as a bird!

How I combat this stress is by spending as much time with them as I can and appreciating every moment.

4.  Kids and husband.  Kids is easy to combat.  All the work I put in when they were growing up has paid off and although I might not agree with all their decisions I am very proud of the 3 of them.  Interestingly enough, my disorder did not kick in until I was 38 and I was only lost to the world for a year of being psychotic.  Husband is one of my kids ha ha so ditto for him.

I also stress over the unexpected busy day, making sure I take all my meds, doing all I can for my family and friends even when an interruption comes at an inconvenient time.  I used to turn off my phone, which I still do, but I do take calls when I can as needed to be a good friend!

Well that is the main stuff.  What are some things that stress you out and how do you cope?  Comment below or email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com.

Bless you all!  Of  course I pray a lot too and try to trust what God is doing.  But it isn’t always easy to do.

pax

Victoria

 

Checking in sorry not as promised…

Dear readers,

I don’t blog much these days but life has been crazy.

I am learning what works for me, what motivates me and how to deal with some difficult emotions found around those I love, tears, smiles and a lot more.  But for the most part I am doing really well despite this difficult diagnosis.

Some of the things I do to stay well is to every day do the following:

Deep breaths

prayer

read my bible

self care

garden (ok not every day)

Keep my house up

take care of my doggies

take care of the bills, taxes, cars, houses and paperwork

read inspirational books and articles or watch Tedtalks

exercise several times a week (yoga, walking, cleaning house, and going to start interval running.

and last but not least I listen to inspirational music mainly Jason Mraz (ok I am obsessed with him and his music ha ha)

Life is pretty good right now except for some minor anxiety.  I also take a few supplements NAC, CBD oil full spectrum (because of taking this oil I am no longer delusional) and magnesium.  I also take my anti-psychotic meds every day no matter how I feel.

I don’t feel the need to blog as much as I used to because the delusions are gone.  Come to find out the book I wrote I was delusional while writing it.  When I reread it (which is rare) I find that I don’t remember even writing it.  I remember my delusions and although I am free of them it’s nice to be free!

Hope all of you are doing well!

Prayers,

pax

Victoria

 

I won’t give up…

This song by Jason Mraz has kept me going through my suffering with schizoaffective disorder, I sometimes forget how far I have come in my journey of recovery and forget how much this song helped me.

“I won’t give up on us (me n the Divine) even if the sky’s get rough ”

I have been through so much as my previous first posts since 2013 and I started this blog which has helped me maybe more than it has helped others!

I appreciate every like and comment and emails alike! They are all special to me…

My webmaster has shown me how to link to previous blogs so will be working on that tomorrow.

Goodnight

As usual pax,

Victoria