You really did it…

Life is about choices really:)

I choose life today over the opposite…

I try to not think about that much these days if at all although I do want to be with God one day…

But not now – no- I have so much to live for, my loved ones and I try to do good..

I perceive that much of what I try to do as failures but am going to turn it around and think rather they are mistakes that I have learned from.

And I am constantly learning, that was a joke but truth in every joke.

I hope you all are doing well.

I had a bug this week but was still productive. Got tested for covid but whatever it was went away after I armed myself with Shaklee my latest obsession.

I just can’t believe that I am so productive even when I was not feeling well this week. I credit it to what I have been talking about with brain health month here on mypersonalrecoveryfromschizophrenia blog since 2013!

Mental acuity plus by Shaklee. You can check this out on my Shaklee brain health support website here and click on shop and order it. But it is backordered still sadly… hope I don’t run out, going to start taking one a day (currently taking two and see a difference from one) just in case.

I am working now again as a property manager for several properties. Only 6 hours a week max so fitting it in along with managing the house, family and me!

God is good!

pax

Victoria

Negative symptoms solutions…

Dear readers,

Welcome to my blog (first published in 2013) which journals my road to almost complete recovery from schizophrenia since diagnosed in 2008. For my brief bio click here.

This month I want to talk about what is least understood by many, the negative symptoms of Schizophrenia, which can cause poor quality of life in many. Loss of motivation, previous things that gave pleasure don’t please, lack of focus and attention to detail and there’s more but these are the main ones that have affected me. For a great article on negative symptoms click here.

Since my bio was written though I have had another breakthrough with new supplements I have been taking for over 6 months and have seen amazing results! See my story below especially if you suffer from low motivation, energy and focus. For proof of how far I have come taking it check out my May series 2020!

Now to my new transformation story~

I have suffered from lack of motivation, energy and the ability to do more than just sit in my chair and do nothing ever since I stopped working in 2015 due to stress which has caused me to relapse before. 3 hospitalizations since 2006 isn’t too bad I think anyway.

Don’t have positive symptoms like delusions or voices anymore and I know that is because of my psych meds which I take along with supplements now and together they help me to be recovered as much as one can be from schizophrenia.

I was barely able to get the basics done. I have always found comfort in having a tidy and clean house; but my daughter used to clean the house for me up till recently. I just didn’t do it or if I did it was quick and without attention to detail. 

And the gardens, I would get them going for a while then let it go due to lack of energy and motivation.  Life sucked. 

I felt really bad about not getting anything done all day especially since I don’t work anymore due to my disability and how my husband would complain.  I would rotate from being on my phone in my meditation room, to the kitchen table where I sit now on my laptop and if I blogged I felt like I had had a productive day.  Gardens lay in disarray and I accepted the fact I thought that I would never do more than this the rest of my life…

Well, now the good part!  I started a new supplement regimen last year, adding Vitamin B-12 sublingual for energy ($4 at walmart), which my daughter now takes too and we both have noticed our energy levels increased since starting it. 

I also take Goterpy CBD oil full spectrum, which has helped with the delusions and stress.  It has also helped me to quit one of my vices… 

And then in Feb of this year 2020, I started taking and now selling Shaklee Mental Acuity Plus for memory and focus and motivation.  It started helping me right away be in charge of my life once again. 

If you are interested in taking this product consider buying it from me. I will help you out personally and I’m thinking about starting a facebook group for new users to journal about their transformation too, specifically persons with schizophrenia. Anyway email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com and I will send you the link to my website and to the product that I am so wishing I had taken sooner.

To read more about how it has affected me during this pandemic continue below if you’re still with me.

Then the pandemic hit whoa!!! And I was forced to be at home all day and thanks to my regimen I found myself thriving at last despite the world’s current chaos.  My house is cleaner and tidier than ever, my gardens are expanding nicely and my focus, memory and attention to detail are sharper each day. I do take a good lay down nap every day and rest on Sundays.

I am content at last although the work never ends in the garden or home because it is like life- it never stops changing, shifting, growing, dying, giving beauty and food for the family!  I still sit in my chair but only in the mornings and evenings now.  I pay more attention to detail of inner work (spiritual) and external (house and gardens, bills etc.…).  I cook dinner mostly every night where before it was occasional and I do the dishes before bed every night.  Life is good so I have to share.

I believe the combination of these three supplements are what are contributing to my well-being.  I don’t blog as much anymore because I am too busy with all my projects to sit and write.  I do keep a journal though so I am still writing, just not for the world as much anymore.

A portion of all my profits will be donated to my favorite non-profit CureSZ.  And I will gladly support you along the way via email or phone! I want to really help others feel as great as I do.

Email me with any comments or questions you may have about any of these products at: victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

Peace to all!

Pax

Victoria

In social distancing mode…

Trying to be positive in these trying times.

But the depression and possibly psychosomatic symptoms creeping in.

Need to exercise and practice self care while the whole world is seemingly falling apart.

I see my psychiatrist this week which is great and until then I will try harder to take care of myself mentally and physically.

Sitting in my chair for hours is not healthy right now.

Here are my solid plans to get back on track.-

Stay off social media ✅ clean my kitchen, work out and get those natural endorphins going, stop stress eating and eat the fresh veggies in my fridge maybe some chicken kale 🥬 🍜 and do something fun like watch frozen 2 on Disney!

What are some ways you all are staying sane right now?

Pax

Victoria

Part 3 of my schizophrenia love journey…

So not feeling extra special when I look back at my life. Nothing heroic all very mundane but with a few moments of confusion and unexplainable happenings…

The year I received the gift of schizophrenia my world 🌎 lifted me so high on life receiving messages from above which still happens from time to time. And then the meds stopped the dialogue that was pretty constant and confusing.

But when God wants his will done in me who am I to refuse?

Today is the type of day when I will force myself to get sh$& done!

Just gonna do it because yesterday was a shitty day I don’t want to repeat!

I found out the other day I still have the gift of healing which I only use when God directs me…

So here I am still fighting each and every day I am alive. Today it’s in the garden I will work ☺️

Hoping all of you have a blessed day ❤️

Pax

Victoria

Things that stress me out…

 

and how I cope with a mental disorder.

  1. Money, although there always is some but yet wham, the unexpected or balloon payment is due like say for your taxes.  Mine are due in October.  Think of something else.  Don’t spend a dime.  Save if one can, even pennies add up to dollars.  I have definitely gotten better at saving this year.  I stopped shopping for everything on Amazon and am being more frugal about going to the store for every little item.  My husband was supposed to take over the bills because of my disorder but it hasn’t happened and never will probably.

I don’t work so I have more time to find coupons and deals when we do spend.  He makes a decent income so if I am careful I can really tuck some money away if I’m careful.

I know I am blessed.  I can’t imagine being single and having to rely on my disability income which I get $1,000 a month.

2. Sickness and getting older.  I am not as fit as I used to be but am getting back on track.  But I have been dealing for the past two weeks with a new medical problem surrounding digestive issues and am really trying to avoid going to the doctor right now because of lack of insurance (see #3) at least until October 1.

To combat this stress I try to eat healthy all the time with the occasional goodie.  I also am now exercising 4x a week on average.  I am gardening, walking and doing yoga throughout the week.  This helps my getting in better shape and also helps mental alertness and health.  Today was a rest day and all I wanted to do was to rest but I am in the middle of several projects around the house and rose garden so it was actually harder than I thought it would be to take a day off but my body needed the rest.  So back at it tomorrow!

Although this can stress me out a lot I am learning that the key to my happiness is acceptance.

Now i am much more motivated to do the healthy things that I am doing.  Which in the past it has really been problematic to just sit all day and do nothing, now I do rest in the mornings but do get busier later in the day.  So it is good that I am treating my body better because I have really been sick a lot and it has caused me to make sure I do all I can to be healthy.

I might go to the doctor this week.  We shall see how things go but this relates to #1 the money stress with doctor bills and testing they might want to do.

3.  My parents.  I accept they will not always be around but my dad is paralyzed on his left half of his body and my mom is a fighter but is still very frail yet tough as a bird!

How I combat this stress is by spending as much time with them as I can and appreciating every moment.

4.  Kids and husband.  Kids is easy to combat.  All the work I put in when they were growing up has paid off and although I might not agree with all their decisions I am very proud of the 3 of them.  Interestingly enough, my disorder did not kick in until I was 38 and I was only lost to the world for a year of being psychotic.  Husband is one of my kids ha ha so ditto for him.

I also stress over the unexpected busy day, making sure I take all my meds, doing all I can for my family and friends even when an interruption comes at an inconvenient time.  I used to turn off my phone, which I still do, but I do take calls when I can as needed to be a good friend!

Well that is the main stuff.  What are some things that stress you out and how do you cope?  Comment below or email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com.

Bless you all!  Of  course I pray a lot too and try to trust what God is doing.  But it isn’t always easy to do.

pax

Victoria

 

Checking in sorry not as promised…

Dear readers,

I don’t blog much these days but life has been crazy.

I am learning what works for me, what motivates me and how to deal with some difficult emotions found around those I love, tears, smiles and a lot more.  But for the most part I am doing really well despite this difficult diagnosis.

Some of the things I do to stay well is to every day do the following:

Deep breaths

prayer

read my bible

self care

garden (ok not every day)

Keep my house up

take care of my doggies

take care of the bills, taxes, cars, houses and paperwork

read inspirational books and articles or watch Tedtalks

exercise several times a week (yoga, walking, cleaning house, and going to start interval running.

and last but not least I listen to inspirational music mainly Jason Mraz (ok I am obsessed with him and his music ha ha)

Life is pretty good right now except for some minor anxiety.  I also take a few supplements NAC, CBD oil full spectrum (because of taking this oil I am no longer delusional) and magnesium.  I also take my anti-psychotic meds every day no matter how I feel.

I don’t feel the need to blog as much as I used to because the delusions are gone.  Come to find out the book I wrote I was delusional while writing it.  When I reread it (which is rare) I find that I don’t remember even writing it.  I remember my delusions and although I am free of them it’s nice to be free!

Hope all of you are doing well!

Prayers,

pax

Victoria

 

How do I keep busy while I await….

I am currently at 100 mg of clozapine, and despite the tiredness I feel pretty good hopeful and keeping up with everything for the most part…

I have applied for a job which I might get…

But in the meantime I keep myself busy with light tasks and fun hobbies.

I make bath diy products, soap, hand sanitizer, lotion, bath bombs and use my quite nice collection of essential oils, which I have been collecting the last few months.

Lavender is my favorite for night or when I am chilling, jasmine and yiang yiang during the day hours.  I not only have an room diffuser but I also wear a necklace made of lava rocks which diffuse the oils too that I am enjoying.

I also garden when it is nicer and enjoy my flowers throughout the areas I have been working on.  I also just bought a windchime for the front.  Not windy right now though.

I busy myself also with making DIY Christmas decorations.  This year will be a sad year because my daughter isn’t coming home but will be here in January.  It is because of this that I am doing Christmas very different this year.  I sent a few important cards but not to everyone I usually send to.  Why is it that only at Christmas we remember certain people?

I have been celebrating Christmas for weeks now giving away the bath products I made and little well meaning gifts.  I enjoy giving.  IT’s fun to bless someone that isn’t expecting it.

I have much serenity these days as I adjust to my new medication.  Prayer is at the forefront of every day, and I see answered prayer among my day quite frequently.  I have candles burning for different requests.  One for my dad and mom, one for my daughter and a dear friend for their future spouses, one for Mike my husbands friend who tried to kill himself but didn’t succeed but is left in a poor state, one for all my family and loved ones.  To God do I burn these candles and trust my prayers are being heard by heaven!

I do not have much anxiety right now which is good.  I have so much love and joy and am experiencing these wonderful emotions while I wait for what I do not know what the future will bring.

I have a certain sadness because of my dad.  Hoping he makes it another Christmas…

Pax

Victoria

Update: getting used to deep emotions and finding a good balance on new medicine…

Unfolding before me is a new lease on life thanks to Clozapine.  Since increasing my dosage to 50 mg I have had an increased sense of balance and well being.  I see my psychiatrist next week and am so glad to have a good report.

Getting used to my feelings without drowning them in vices…

Closer to God than ever.  I pray the rosary every day and even now it has new meaning.  Time with God and Mary and all the wonderful saints.

I am willing to continue this new life.  I have been connecting with family too which is awesome.  Family is everything to me.  My friends are right there too though.  It is good to have both really.

Life is so wonderful!  I feel more like my old self every day.  Hate to go to bed lol.

Pax

Victoria

A very stressful day but made it, glad for a new day though…

Yesterday was very hard and long for me.  My mom had knee replacement surgery and had to be there at 5:45 am, I didn’t sleep much the night before in fact stayed up late to hang out with my 18 yr old son….

So the day was spent waiting for her to come out of surgery and she is frail mind you so there was that scare.  But she did better than fine.  The surgery was three hours though and had to wait a while to see her in recovery.  Some other stressful things to help her get settled but I got through it and went to bed at 9:00pm last night and slept in till 9.

Today is a new day and I am happy to report she is walking around a little with little pain and a very cheery countenance!

I am glad for new days especially after a hard day like yesterday.  Makes me appreciate things more.  Little things like my ice water and lavendar scents make me happy.  Gardened a little today, watering and prepping for new fall plants.

I have my other hobbies as well such as cleaning my house in depth.  Got my list and getting through it one project at a time.  Even painted some indoors to spruce things up.

My other hobbies (goat soap making and other natural products) and collaging are there too when I get done with the deep cleaning of my house and the gardening and yuck weeding out front.

We might be having a party over here in October so my husband is doing his part getting the yards looking good and getting rid of trash and junk!  We have been married 25 years and although he doesn’t really understand my mental disorder, he is there for me in other ways like leaving me be yesterday for the most part when I was just done with the day!

Hope everyone has a good end of September as October is right around the corner, birthday time soon!  48 years young!!!

Pax

Victoria