Wednesday musings…

I find this day to be strange so far in many ways. It is my grandma’s birthday, so am celebrating although she passed many years ago.

But that is not why today is strange. No I set out my list last night for the day’s activities and although I didn’t follow it perfectly I am pretty damn pleased.

So far have eaten healthy, done yoga and abdomen exercises with stretching, taken care of my doggie’s hurt paw, braided my adult daughter’s hair and now blogging. I have been once again seeking balance in all I do and too much of anything even if it is good can be bad for you.

I have heard the term spiritual bypassing lately and I don’ t like it at all. I ditched a book that discussed this at length. I will always rely on God for my inspiration, my help my assistance. I will never consider this a weakness to rely on God too much so please don’t give up on God even if things are not going well for you. And if they are going well, well stop and thank God. It is that simple. done preaching ha ha

On to next topic. I am dedicated to getting in fit shape. I am talking my inactivity up til now must be conquered. I am an extremist so went out and bought some crazy colored workout pants to get me in the mood all day. I plank, try to do the splits and get up from sitting without assistance even on the ground. I am trying to get my steps in too. Taking a break now to do a Leslie Sansone walking video.

Be right back

Short but energizing workout.

My dad is stabilized again happy to write. God has plans for everyone but my dad defeats death regularly so it’s hard but happy today.

What else?

I am writing 7 E-books! Wow, came to me in a dream and i read that if we remember our dreams it is a message. So I dreamed I wrote 7 books so am going for it on Amazon. The first one can you guess is on exercise! The last one is on spiritual something or other and the ones in between will be revealed.

I am not there yet folks. I might be doing well in my recovery from schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder but I’m happy with being discontent. Because in discontent there is room for improvement and I am ever after self improvement at any cost with rare exception.

I write as I struggle to develop my practices. Writing helps me find my words that lie deep within ready to emerge at the right time. It solidifies much of what i am after. Still haven’t found a mentor but not going to let that stop me.

I have been listening to Zen studies podcast with a wonderful priestess. Very enlightening. Today instead of watching my show during breakfast I listened to her and it was better to be inspired rather than mindlessly entertained. We shall see if it becomes a habit.

wishing you all the very best

peace love light and joy

pax

Victoria

At a much better place…

I must live my life in a way that honors my dad. I must move on although my daily visits have ensued I gladly report.

But life, which has halted in many ways, now must no longer be stagnant but instead full of life and vigor…

this is possible…

the answer lies within us all as to what kind of life we want to live and how we can achieve it fully. People can serve as our guides along the way but in reality we know only if we are willing to look deep within ourselves and no longer fear what we see.

This introspection must continue with a sense of urgency as we are not promised tomorrow. And then we must look outward to help others, by prayer, by action, by talking about what is most important which on here is mental health.

I am currently actively seeking a zen life coach. I love this way of life and am curious to see if I have found one that feels I am a good fit. Interestingly enough I did not mention to him that I have a brain/mental health disorder. I really hate labels but my medicine gives it away. More on this later.

For now I want to focus on my questions that I have for my possible new zen life coach…

  1. How is it possible to detach (in my case from my dad) yet still care?
  2. How is my body possibly being affected by this anticipatory grief and my mind?
  3. I seek balance,especially in my daily routine, how can I find it with my many obligations?

Those are my starter questions.

It is evening right now and I have much on my mind.

peace love light and joy

pax

Victoria

On pause…even this disorder lies in waiting…

This world 🌎 is so strange right now…my dad is dying, any moment now, and covid has changed everything! Zoom instead of people coming over. Ah so what? We were still together. Covid cannot stop love ❤️

I am avoiding many things right now: driving, social media, certain family and wine. In that order, but making sure I take care of myself. Sleep, food, water! Exercise is minimal but don’t feel like doing much.

I’m being gentle with myself the best I can ! Today is my baby boy s 22 birthday 🎂! My daughter and I made it special and even just helped him make a wonderful meal. Clean up is done and my dad didn’t pass on his birthday!

God is good! I am also taking a break from blogging the next part of the series negative and cognitive symptoms. But if you want to read past blogs about anything including the fore mentioned. Just use the search bar to the left of this pages title.

Will still check in but so overcome by grief I don’t know if this makes sense but even my disorder waits on hold . Very clear thinking about much but still some confusion too. No positive symptoms not even delusional. Going to start some new projects once life continues.

For now thank you for holding this space with me! Peace love light and joy 🥲

Pax

Victoria

Late night blog…

Hot tea, incense burning, lavender oil on pillow, and hand lotion, music so pretty, winding down for the night but it has been a crazy sort of day…

Melt down, recovering still, must be gentle with myself…

My best friend knows and is praying 🙏

No voices no messages and grateful for that!

I toy with danger at times and last night I got too close to the flames 🔥

Tonight it’s a 180’ turn

Much better and not bored

Good night 💤

Peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

God is love…

And love is everything. In our love for the source of all that is good! Love must permeate my every action and belief.

I believe in an equal world 🌎 for all nations, genders, sexuality or lack thereof, religions, religious and atheists too! And to all who believe in communicating with the dead and God.

Bless you all! Every country, all people!

Namaste peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

Shazam… my best thoughts for 2021…

A world 🌎 of peace, unity and less mental health stigma! I see this for 2021 with January still being hard but great things coming in February 2021!!

The planets will be aligned uniquely all because the Source of all that is good wills it so!

My personal goals matter and so do yours! It’s not about resolutions seriously but rather a way of life with kindness and love and joy at the center of it all near the heart ❤️ of Jesus!

Don’t worry about a thing! Just set your intention every day and watch as it gets manifested. Life is not long enough to do, say and write all that is important.

It’s about discernment. Does my next minute of activity need to be where I am? Or somewhere else? I am willing to help anyone through email correspondence and phone if needed, to help anyone find their purpose in life.

Before making the decision to work with me consider a few things, first are you willing to be open to new possibilities? Or are you content with your life? If you’re not I’m willing to assist.

I am not a therapist but am holding a masters degree in psychology and bachelors in sociology.

I have been diagnosed since 2008 with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, ocd, bipolar tendencies and anxiety. I am stable now for many years and love to connect with others. I saw Russia visited this blog recently! Welcome!

Also Ireland and many countries. Let’s connect!

I can be reached victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

God bless and happy new year!!! 🎊🎆🎈

Pax

Love light and joy

Victoria

Power, love, and synchronicity…

Power because we are not powerless. We have to strive for better days than most this year.

I welcome you to search this blog for a few more days any topic you are interested in. I may have blogged about it. Search symbol is at top left. Only will be there a few more days because I can’t afford it.

Back to power. We do have power with our choices. We can make better choices by reading and researching problematic issues in our lives. Do not let the power go.

One example is that I was very cold and my heater is broke so I decided to dance to George Michael (don’t tell Jason mraz please) and warm up! It worked! I used my power to change how I felt.

Change isn’t easy but one good choice leads to another and so on. If needed get a new perspective from a good friend or therapist. Change things up! Get crazy!

Love

Love is all I have right now. I love a lot and am loved too. This is important to recognize because sometimes I forget and gets sad. Growing up I felt unloved and unwanted. But it wasn’t that bad I am just extremely sensitive. I don’t hate this anymore.

Had a hard day today but love is carrying me through.

Synchronicity

Sometimes things work out so perfectly and other times not. Troubled waters are here again due to varying factors but I am still looking up to Him who made heaven and earth 🌍.

Today I read a great quote that went something like this – Lord why do you lead me through troubled waters? He replied that is because it is there your enemies can’t swim.

Still thinking about that one a while…

Peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

I am what I am…

I am nothing more; nothing less. Exactly perfect how I am. My good, my bad, my disorder which gives me great insight into my condition.

Found out today that it costs me practically $300 per visit for my psychiatrist visits New insurance baloney but I’m good so will see him less often and do get free samples but worries that my new insurance isn’t that great.

So what God always provides. I am blessed for sure. I am living in the moment and have found peace in my heart and soul. I am no longer troubled about things. I have acceptance and gratitude for all that is and all that is to come!

God bless all of you whatever your beliefs or lack thereof life is short so shout out a prayer to the Universe and Godspeed…

Merry Christmas 🎄

Pax

Victoria

The veil is thin…

Death will come to us all; that much is true…

But as people with this disorder we must fight for better days so we don’t give in to the stats about suicide and having schizophrenia. We must work hard to take care of ourselves and never never give up…

Going to start a morning ritual of writing upon waking.

Today is a sad day for our family; a loved one is losing his battle with cancer. Troops are rallying around him. Blessed be God forever ❤️

Pax

Victoria

Darkness and then light…

I feel great tonight but this wasn’t the case over the last week. No I was sicker than I’ve been in a while possibly food poisoning; ate out late Thursday night and yuck!

When I get sick I have learned to rest and rest I did! My husband and I went away at a mineral springs resort we booked a month ago. When I found out it would be half of what I paid I was like I’m going because I can feel bad over there.

So away we went a half an hour away and enjoy a hottub in our room which greatly helped us to really relax and be lazy cuz we never are. We work and work some more and rarely do we take a break. But we did in a big way. And although weird very nice!

Today finally feeling myself again so there went the darkness and now I am back to my routine and boy do I have a lot to do, inner and outer things.

Peace love and joy and light 🌈

Pax

Victoria