Some days are still hard…

Hello to all, Victoria here! Hope everyone is doing well- it’s been a little quiet in the email department but then there are days when I get several emails. I am hoping it is quiet because my readers are leading fulfilling lives and have better things to do than email me, but I welcome all email. It is a pleasure to me to open my inbox and receive many messages from those afflicted, loved ones and professionals!

I have been on disability for one month now and to be perfectly honest, some days are downright hard. I am suffering highs and lows quite frequently these days and although I have not been isolating the way I was afraid I would be I do have a lot of quiet time to myself which for the most part I treasure. And this is all in between helping my elderly parents, going out to coffee or lunch with friends old and new, and going to AA and weight watcher meetings. Oh and of course my walking is still happening although I am not walking as much as I was the first couple of weeks. I was getting in 5 to ten miles a day and it was great because it was free and gave me something to do but now that I am more focused on house tasks, cleaning and such, I don’t have as much time to walk so I get in 4 miles average on most days.

I enjoy these walks, it feels good for my body to move and it gives me time to think, pray, listen to music and meditate. Sometimes I walk with a partner or my doggies, but most days it is just me, my walking shoes and the pavement. I went to a craft store to see about getting a hobby for night time when I am watching tv or netflix with my husband, but I just wasn’t interested in anything I saw. Readers if you have any suggestions I would appreciate it in the comments!

Some days are hard though, like today. I went to my weight watcher meeting, earned my 25 pounds loss medal, shared with the group I was doing well and then went home and watched a new show I am obsessed with on Netflix and then went to the dentist. The dentist discovered that 1/4 of my back tooth was broken off. I thought I had just lost a filling! So I need a crown and it will cost me one thousand dollars! Dang! There have been a lot of these unexpected expenses lately and I am not making as much on disability as I did when I was working along with some other bills. Blah blah blah. I really hate money problems! I am praying a novena to the Child Mary which will end tomorrow. I trust in God and He hasn’t let me down yet but I need like several miracles to be ok financially this month. I even subscribed to a newsletter which teaches how to be frugal. I am really trying!

Anyway, this news about the crown really got me down so I went to an AA meeting and shared about the obsession of the mind and boy was I obsessing over this thousand dollars I don’t have. Instead I decided I needed to focus on the Serenity prayer, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”. It has helped today to remember that prayer and try to live by it. I also reached out to my best friend and dear daughter who is now living 3 states away. They both encouraged me in different ways how to get through this tough time. I have had a lot happen to me over the last few weeks with my elderly parents who I help when I can, my two adult children getting into car accidents and other stuff with friends.

I guess I get overwhelmed easily, but reaching out to my best friend and daughter was pretty huge for me to do and I like the outcome. When I struggle I so commonly keep it to myself but not today and that made the difference and helped the day to turn around.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I wish you all the best!

Mental Health Day today…

It finally happened today!  I didn’t work due to feeling off balanced mentally.  This is the first time it has happened since I started working part-time.  I didn’t call in sick though instead I just switched my days and am working on Friday.  I just wasn’t “feeling it” is the best way to describe it.  I tried to go to an AA meeting but half way through I knew I couldn’t share and wasn’t getting much out of it anyway so I excused myself saying I wasn’t feeling well.  I am home now in comfy clothes and going to go on an errand with my daughter in a little bit so we will see how that goes.

My daughter is my greatest family support and she is leaving in July or August to go to school in Colorado.  We usually hang out on Wednesdays but it is bittersweet for me because I know she will be leaving soon and I just can’t think what I will do without her.  She understands me better than anyone in my family and is just an awesome daughter many times over.  But I refuse to hold her back from her dream of moving out of our small town and seeing the world.

On one of our walks recently she told me something that I really hope comes true that once she is done with college out of state she wants to live on the Central Coast so that her children can see me a lot and be near their grandmother (that’s me!).  It made my day because she has never said that before and I so much do want to be a part of her life and any children she may have.

Here is to a better day tomorrow!