Good is coming in many ways…

The planets are aligned;we are ready for good to come. For me it is financial and inner as I continue to face my demons.

But if you are reAding this emit to the universe all your desires and don’t leave any out! We can claim good! It will be manifested if we desire it! A pen and paper can help!

A good solid day of running errands. With my pup, my faithful travel companion. Picking up essentials and a few snicker bars for Valentine’s Day.

Life is good and I look forward to each new day…

Peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

On pause…even this disorder lies in waiting…

This world 🌎 is so strange right now…my dad is dying, any moment now, and covid has changed everything! Zoom instead of people coming over. Ah so what? We were still together. Covid cannot stop love ❤️

I am avoiding many things right now: driving, social media, certain family and wine. In that order, but making sure I take care of myself. Sleep, food, water! Exercise is minimal but don’t feel like doing much.

I’m being gentle with myself the best I can ! Today is my baby boy s 22 birthday 🎂! My daughter and I made it special and even just helped him make a wonderful meal. Clean up is done and my dad didn’t pass on his birthday!

God is good! I am also taking a break from blogging the next part of the series negative and cognitive symptoms. But if you want to read past blogs about anything including the fore mentioned. Just use the search bar to the left of this pages title.

Will still check in but so overcome by grief I don’t know if this makes sense but even my disorder waits on hold . Very clear thinking about much but still some confusion too. No positive symptoms not even delusional. Going to start some new projects once life continues.

For now thank you for holding this space with me! Peace love light and joy 🥲

Pax

Victoria

God is love…

And love is everything. In our love for the source of all that is good! Love must permeate my every action and belief.

I believe in an equal world 🌎 for all nations, genders, sexuality or lack thereof, religions, religious and atheists too! And to all who believe in communicating with the dead and God.

Bless you all! Every country, all people!

Namaste peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

Time…

Time is of the essence; we are not promised tomorrow.

Is my life the one I want? Am I content or ever striving for improvement in 6 main areas to be revealed at end of this theme. Suspenseful

Little by little I shall improve and with that I am content. Today nothing was easy but I conquered many a problem happy to report. It’s late and I’m sneaking in a blog before bed.

Ok so the 6 main areas are –

Spiritual- all for Jesus

Fitness- walk more, yoga daily and strength training, dance and gardening 🧑‍🌾 on nice days.

Nutrition- plan, shop, cook healthy but yummy

Social- meet a new friend this year ( might be when vaccines are more readily available)

Relationships- communicate better

Financial- pay off small debt, give more and save for emergency appointment with psychiatrist . Find new charity for cold people (just got my heater replaced) who need a new heater or blankets.

In time…

Pax

Victoria

Hello from the other side…

I must have called a thousand times.

Hard week for sure! Anniversary of my dad’s stroke, 4 years as of July 2, 2020. And he still blesses me…

That is our song by Adele, Hello. I do not have him with me in the same way anymore but we still have a strong connection and always will…

No more words on that.

I have decided I am no longer Catholic. 20 years wasted but it was the course I thought I was supposed to be on.

I love Jesus…

nothing more other than I am a child of God as we all are. In my Father’s house there is a place for me…

With that I shall leave you.

Good night my readers and visitors.

May the peace of the Triune God be with you all!

And may you find peace in Jesus also…

pax

Victoria

Somewhere only I know…

I have a dark side but it used to be much darker in my teenage years when I was doing drugs. Drugs were not the cause of my Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder! It was a gift when I was 36 (stopped doing drugs at 21). Quite the gift…

I still wear mainly black and enjoy heavy metal music, Metallica currently, Yet I am very zen and Christian all the time. I can’t listen to songs about the devil though. Just saying.

I find God mentioned a lot in this type of music along with rebellion, which I am currently in but know that the Grace of God carries me to heaven.

Back to the dark side, I do not love evil, I prayed tonight for all the hardened sinners imprisoned. A bit of family drama tonight spurred it on. Please pray for my husband’s side of the family as they are in need of serious help and may be facing more jail time. I ask myself if I should stay out of it. I do not know so I will do nothing for now.

The May series is not my priority right now as some of you may have noticed. But hoping to stay up late tonight to write on it and to read more of the book I blogged about that has changed my life.

Today was spent with my dear friend who lost her husband 3 weeks ago today, spending the afternoon in my little garden and it was quite nice. We cried, laughed, talked about Larry her husband and watched all the dogs play. My Toby is her dog and I was so glad she brought him. I do not see friends much right now except her and we socially distance during our visits.

I am quite content these days with or without friends. But I am glad that I can be there for her and right now she needs me a lot and I appreciate that she loves me so much as I love her.

I say that yet I do look forward to seeing the family who live with me especially my husband coming home. I wash his mask when he lets me lol and disenfect his phone often.

Is anyone else getting used to these crazy times?

I hugged my husband’s friend tonight, who was born on the same day, month and year (weird) as my husband, who just lost his dad. A good long hug which he was surprised I gave him. I am not afraid and when someone is hurting due to loss I am going to always be there for them. Love will conquer all!

I take a lot of time for me, though, through all of this. I have my music when I want it. Haven’t been doing too much yoga but it’s there…can’t walk right now due to a double toe procedure but still getting in over a mile each day. Been reading a lot. Lots of books right now to stir my heart for God and learn how to hold other’s pain better without letting it affect me in the process.

That’s all for tonight!

God bless and stay safe

pax

Victoria

My life…

Peaceful

Amazing

I notice the little things often throughout the day  and am amazed at how something so simple, which I may of ignored prior to all this new era of strangeness, can bring me great joy… a flower, a small bug, a smell, a taste…I noticed these things before but now I really try to make them last.

I have my share of problems though and the delusions are not always at bay but today they are~ so it is a good day.

Nice not to have God giving me messages all the time…. things never working out.  But the quiet of heaven also brings a certain sadness and loss although it wasn’t real it was quite special and beautiful.

Today it was a shower that made me joyful.  The hot water and cleaning of my body and care taken with lotion and conditioner.  I feel clean and am pleased that my husband just came home from working at my son’ s yard and is also taking a shower.  Clean couple for how long?

Today was also really cool.  I bought a kiddie pool last year when it was hot and never used it.  Well it was in the eighties today and me and my adult daughter went in it for several hours.  It was so much fun just hanging out with her being silly in a kiddie pool.  Splashing and the doggies hanging out with us.  Great times…

I am working on my May blog series.  Wish I could just share it now but really want to perfect each blog.  Right now in case you can’t tell I just right off the cuff and it doesn’t always makes sense perfectly when I reread my posts.  I reread them because sometimes I forget what helped me prior and it is awesome to have it all recorded on my blog which has been active since 2013.

My first day of the series starting May 1 is on the benefits of yoga.  I don’t practice this near enough.  But when it does it grounds me.  So I will keep trying to get my mat out.

An injury has prevented me from walking my usual 3-5 miles a day.  Stupid toe.  But it is getting better.  Today I gardened in the morning and it was great.  I am not much of a morning person.  The meds I take at night 3mg of Risperdal keeps me drowsy in the am but I wanted to beat the heat so I got out there at 10!!!  A miracle for me.

Oh, dear Jesus, we need a miracle right now, a cure, a healing of the world, by your blood I claim your healing power amen

pax

Victoria

 

Good Friday commemoration

At 3 pm (the hour of Jesus’ death on the old rugged cross) today, I was on a walk with my adult daughter and son.

We acknowledged the day that it was and paused for a moment to pick something up.

This is all that matters to me.

Tonight we are all watching Chronicles of Narnia a fitting movie for such a sad day.  But peek preview, He will rise on Sunday.

Not feeling very disordered today happy to report.  The delusions have lessened and I am glad to have gotten in a decent walk with my children.

Pax

Victoria

Warning~Religious post with no apologies…

Jesus died for us, plain and simple, He rose from the dead in expiation of our sins and lives today at the right hand of the father, filled with love and mercy for us all.  All we have to do is ask Him in and He will graciously accept!

Even though we may be disordered or know a loved one with a disorder God loves us all the more.  he knows all our sufferings and difficulties and knows the deepest thoughts of our estranged at times minds.

I wish I could write in Spanish… just pondering these thoughts today on another day in physical distancing mode.

To keep busy I have been doing the mundane and even brushed my dogs and brushed their teeth!  Gave them extra treats because I am rationing their dog food until it is safe to go out and buy it.

May order some on line but I like to get a good kind and I’ll have to look that up but for now I am good with spoiling them with extra treats.

Back to Jesus.  If you are despairing right now or are unsure if you believe in God or heaven or anything say this simple prayer and watch the Holy Spirit work wonders in your life.

“Jesus, I ask you into my heart.  I love you and thank you for loving me.  Please send the Holy Spirit to guide me and all my loved ones and the whole world right now when the devil is happy we are apart. ”

Solidarity is unity through Jesus!!!

But the devil won’t be happy if we pray this prayer.  Say amen and really mean it and your life will change.  And if you already have done this, can I get an Amen and a prayer for all of those who really need a prayer right now even if they are not yet ready to accept Jesus into their life.

God bless

pax

Victoria

It’s a grave new world…

I don’t want to cause further panic in an already much talked about subject but it is a world of which I could never imagine.  People are dying, people are shut in, people are oblivious.

I think about it a lot, can’t help it really with all the ways it is affecting us all.  But I am coping well and getting through it by getting my exercise in every day, eating healthy and today had my first tele-video with my psychiatrist.

It went well and although I didn’t share with him that I am having partial delusions that I am causing the terrible spread of this virus by not being in God’s will that’s ok because I don’t really deep down believe it but there have been some signs of God’s displeasure  of some of my unhealthy habits.  But to think and believe even partially that I am the cause of the terrible state of things is a huge burden to carry.

Haven’t shared it with anyone but am sharing it on here because this is a safe place and hell I have Schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder so I am allowed to believe these things which seem so improbable and unlikely. I did try giving up these things God has said He doesn’t want me to do and there was little change in the state of the world so we shall see.

Sorry to be so vague but many would judge me for these actions so will keep them to myself for the time being.

Exercise and staying busy is my number one suggestion for anyone struggling with mental health right now.  Wash 5 dishes, walk for ten minutes around the house if needed, stretch, do yoga (Adrienne on You tube is fantastic) as is Leslie Sansone’s walking videos also on Youtube!

Anything to get the body moving and of course have some fun.  We have been eating together much of the day.  I live at home with my husband, myself, and two adult children one of which works at home, and the other one just got word he is being fired and is so happy about it!

Amazing how things change in an instant and it is also amazing how we are making COVID memories right now.

There is a song by Maroon 5 called Memories and it is still speaking to me when I want to take a break from my routine and listen to something meaningful.  The guy is hot too but I’m married but can admire from afar a fine specimen of a man with tattoos and the greatest voice.

Well those are my musings of the day.

Stay at peace my friends and stay connected.  You can always email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com if you want to know more about my journey or have any comments on my blogs.

Pax

Victoria

#Jesusistheway