Essential oils brighten my day:)

I bought a pack of essential oils with lemon, rosemary, cedarwood, eucalyptus, orange, peppermint, lavender, stress relief and more…

I have been using them in various recipes that I got out of eat dirt by Dr. Josh Axe.  Today I made deodorant with coconut oil, baking soda and rosemary.  Put it in an old container and have cheap good smelling deodorant!

Tomorrow it is going to be my favorite activity with lavender.  I am making goat soap the easy way and even adding color and lavender dried flowers to them.

Today was a good day.  I painted my kitchen cabinets and the kitchen is so much brighter now!  Feels clean!  Scrubbed my countertops too and got rid of what I don’t use that was taking up space mainly cds.  I am obsessed with Jason MrAz house shows.

I am not always motivated to do jobs around the house or in the gardens so I take the motivation when it comes… and lately because of the CBD oil and other herbal remedies plus the essential oils my motivation level is quite high.

I even applied to two jobs this week that won’t affect my disability if I get it working retail at department stores.  Seems chill.  Not much pay but right now anything helps!

Today is Padre Pio Feast Day September 23 and he answered a novena prayer I was saying with my daughter in a big way!  God is so good!

My disorder is in check right now.  I still take my medicines twice a day faithfully and everything else I do on top of it is just supplementation not instead of.  I have resigned to the fact that I will be taking Risperdal and Latuda along with Lexapro and my anti-anxiety drugs every day for the rest of my life.

Finding creative ways to make life pleasureable is half the fun, the other half is living my life with a purpose!

Still waiting for several things to happen, my second book should be published 2018, and I will find out hopefully this month if I qualify for permanent disablility or not.

My mom is also having surgery for a knee replacement this next week so appreciate any prayers anyone can muster!

Life is good!  Doesn’t have to be a pity party even when I am unmotivated….

Pax

Victoria

 

C

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Quitting smoking, finances and art oh my:)

Good morning to all my readers!

It is a special day for me, will share more about this at the end.

I have quit smoking with a plan and am on day 5 with not one puff!  I am doing a little vaping at 3mg, my CBD oil which helps me to be more creative, and nicotine lozenges.  I am doing this not only for myself but for my children namely my son Dominic….

Finances are not good, but I have a plan for that too.  Applied for a retail job last night, think it might be enjoyable to work at a department store for 20-30 hours a week and still help my mom and visit my dad.  Need the money and the low pay won’t affect my permanent disability if I get it.  It has been one month since the hearing, with one to two months to go to get the verdict.  The lawyer made a strong argument in my favor why I can’t work gainfully.  I think I will win but until I know for sure it is a little nervewracking.

But I have been keeping busy with my collages, lately of loved ones for birthday cards and made a family heart shaped collage for me to look at when I want to smoke.  It really helps.  Have been making meditation cards for an upcoming show also, have about 20 so far with a goal to make 20 more.  I do this when my husband is watching tv and I sit at the kitchen table in the shared room and collage, cut and paste these beautiful pictures of anything and everything from butterflies to a mosque.  Lots of nature pictures too and peaceful images.  Don’t know what to sell them for as they cost nearly nothing to make.  Spent 18$ on a laminator and ten bucks on the sleeves.  Oh well, not in it for the money anyway.  If anyone wants me to make them one email me and I can custom make one for just cost of shipping 1$ or so…  victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

So I am staying busy while I await the verdict… gardening some, sparking, walking, cleaning house, sanding cabinets to paint in the kitchen, and getting rid of anything that isn’t nailed down  ha ha.  Also been shopping quite a bit on Amazon, love their lightening deals.

Anxiety is managed at the moment and delusions have lessened again thanks be to God and Mary whose special feast day is today.  Our Lady of Sorrows pray for us!

Hope everyone is doing well too!

Pax

Victoria

Been depressed, but now able to enjoy the things that enrich my life…

It is in the difficulties  of having this disorder and I have Schizoaffective disorder, which is basically Schizophrenia plus depression, and I also suffer from OCD and lately the ruminations are out of control.  I feel deeply many pains but despite this I am doing well right now despite my situation.

My situation with my parents is bleak.  Ah how much love for our family can bring us down…

Think about it; all our worries as children, mothers and fathers of dear children, and all family whether blood or adopted in by one way or another.  And we are all family in God.  For He wants all of us to be in His kingdom one day when our earthly life is over.  Love, so precious and sweet, it fills us with goodness and reminds us of good times, past, present and future moments.

But I will not let the declining health of my parents keep me down.  No I will take my many comforts~

Prayer

My music latest favorite being Make me a Channel of Your Peace, the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

My uplifting reading from Buddhism to great saints

Talking with positive people and sometimes even asking them to pray for me and my situation and I get to hear some of their hearts.

My healthy food

My long and short walks

My pups

Watering my vegetable garden which I am going to do in a minute

Thinking about the people I love and all their good qualities

Thinking about God and His infinite goodness

Isn’t this enough?

I take my medicine faithfully like a vow because I know it helps me very much

I see my psychiatrist soon but I am doing ok despite the anguish I sometimes feel

Getting caregiver support from local agencies, classes and gifts

I can do this with the help of God

Things do not satisfy

only God

Thank you for reading this

Pax

Victoria

 

 

Going to finish my book!

Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate it and to those of you who don’t Happy Thursday (I am stealing this from another blog I read today because I think it is cool!)

As of right now I have stopped searching for work, some financial help has arrived, so I am going to be dedicating 2 hours a day to finish my latest book.  The title appropro is “Finding fulfillment not working”.  I have already written several chapters so I am going to reread them and then go for it!  I will let you all know my progress as it comes.  I am excited to finish this book for many reasons.

Today I woke up in a really good mood and realized that I am the author of my life.  God has my back but it is up to me to make the necessary changes to those parts of my life which are either out of balance or that I am unhappy with.  No one is going to do this for me, no, I will repeat that- no one is going to do it for me.  I have to make the change I wish to see in the world as Gandhi wrote so eloquently when he was alive!

Pax

Victoria

The circle of life

 

My circle of life has come round full circle today, yes it is my birthday but I don’t wish for happy birthdays or congratulations.  Instead I am taking quiet moments by myself to think and ponder on the greatness of life and what my mental illness means to me.

It means so much…When I was psychotic I was on a different plane of existence.  It was beautiful, awesome and scary all at the same time.  Now that I am on medication the symptoms are managed but I have awakened spiritually since that first encounter in 2008, 8 years ago.  I am much more in tuned with God and feel at peace being on medication.

I was supposed to work today but God had other plans.  I felt sick and got out of work, came home and took a 3 hour nap and now am just relaxing before I go out to dinner with my loving family.  I watched a Ted talk on spirituality vs psychosis and found it to be very interesting.  I would be revered in certain cultures and encouraged to be psychotic or spiritually attuned.  The stigma of mental illness would not follow me, instead I would be mentored by someone else who had undergone the same sorts of experiences.

Wow! That is an amazing thought to have on my birthday!

Yet, I know that I will never go off my medication as there are no cultures here that support this type of life.

But in the same breath I can say that my spiritual life is very good right now.  I pray upon awakening and throughout the day and before retiring at night.  I believe in God the Father Almighty who made heaven and earth!

May the God of our understanding comfort you all in all your trials and experiences whether medicated or not.  We each have our own path and walk it the best we can.  For me it is what it is and I don’t regret it.

Pax

Victoria