On pause…even this disorder lies in waiting…

This world 🌎 is so strange right now…my dad is dying, any moment now, and covid has changed everything! Zoom instead of people coming over. Ah so what? We were still together. Covid cannot stop love ❤️

I am avoiding many things right now: driving, social media, certain family and wine. In that order, but making sure I take care of myself. Sleep, food, water! Exercise is minimal but don’t feel like doing much.

I’m being gentle with myself the best I can ! Today is my baby boy s 22 birthday 🎂! My daughter and I made it special and even just helped him make a wonderful meal. Clean up is done and my dad didn’t pass on his birthday!

God is good! I am also taking a break from blogging the next part of the series negative and cognitive symptoms. But if you want to read past blogs about anything including the fore mentioned. Just use the search bar to the left of this pages title.

Will still check in but so overcome by grief I don’t know if this makes sense but even my disorder waits on hold . Very clear thinking about much but still some confusion too. No positive symptoms not even delusional. Going to start some new projects once life continues.

For now thank you for holding this space with me! Peace love light and joy 🥲

Pax

Victoria

Late night blog…

Hot tea, incense burning, lavender oil on pillow, and hand lotion, music so pretty, winding down for the night but it has been a crazy sort of day…

Melt down, recovering still, must be gentle with myself…

My best friend knows and is praying 🙏

No voices no messages and grateful for that!

I toy with danger at times and last night I got too close to the flames 🔥

Tonight it’s a 180’ turn

Much better and not bored

Good night 💤

Peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

God is love…

And love is everything. In our love for the source of all that is good! Love must permeate my every action and belief.

I believe in an equal world 🌎 for all nations, genders, sexuality or lack thereof, religions, religious and atheists too! And to all who believe in communicating with the dead and God.

Bless you all! Every country, all people!

Namaste peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

Shazam… my best thoughts for 2021…

A world 🌎 of peace, unity and less mental health stigma! I see this for 2021 with January still being hard but great things coming in February 2021!!

The planets will be aligned uniquely all because the Source of all that is good wills it so!

My personal goals matter and so do yours! It’s not about resolutions seriously but rather a way of life with kindness and love and joy at the center of it all near the heart ❤️ of Jesus!

Don’t worry about a thing! Just set your intention every day and watch as it gets manifested. Life is not long enough to do, say and write all that is important.

It’s about discernment. Does my next minute of activity need to be where I am? Or somewhere else? I am willing to help anyone through email correspondence and phone if needed, to help anyone find their purpose in life.

Before making the decision to work with me consider a few things, first are you willing to be open to new possibilities? Or are you content with your life? If you’re not I’m willing to assist.

I am not a therapist but am holding a masters degree in psychology and bachelors in sociology.

I have been diagnosed since 2008 with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, ocd, bipolar tendencies and anxiety. I am stable now for many years and love to connect with others. I saw Russia visited this blog recently! Welcome!

Also Ireland and many countries. Let’s connect!

I can be reached victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

God bless and happy new year!!! 🎊🎆🎈

Pax

Love light and joy

Victoria

Time…

Time is of the essence; we are not promised tomorrow.

Is my life the one I want? Am I content or ever striving for improvement in 6 main areas to be revealed at end of this theme. Suspenseful

Little by little I shall improve and with that I am content. Today nothing was easy but I conquered many a problem happy to report. It’s late and I’m sneaking in a blog before bed.

Ok so the 6 main areas are –

Spiritual- all for Jesus

Fitness- walk more, yoga daily and strength training, dance and gardening 🧑‍🌾 on nice days.

Nutrition- plan, shop, cook healthy but yummy

Social- meet a new friend this year ( might be when vaccines are more readily available)

Relationships- communicate better

Financial- pay off small debt, give more and save for emergency appointment with psychiatrist . Find new charity for cold people (just got my heater replaced) who need a new heater or blankets.

In time…

Pax

Victoria

Power, love, and synchronicity…

Power because we are not powerless. We have to strive for better days than most this year.

I welcome you to search this blog for a few more days any topic you are interested in. I may have blogged about it. Search symbol is at top left. Only will be there a few more days because I can’t afford it.

Back to power. We do have power with our choices. We can make better choices by reading and researching problematic issues in our lives. Do not let the power go.

One example is that I was very cold and my heater is broke so I decided to dance to George Michael (don’t tell Jason mraz please) and warm up! It worked! I used my power to change how I felt.

Change isn’t easy but one good choice leads to another and so on. If needed get a new perspective from a good friend or therapist. Change things up! Get crazy!

Love

Love is all I have right now. I love a lot and am loved too. This is important to recognize because sometimes I forget and gets sad. Growing up I felt unloved and unwanted. But it wasn’t that bad I am just extremely sensitive. I don’t hate this anymore.

Had a hard day today but love is carrying me through.

Synchronicity

Sometimes things work out so perfectly and other times not. Troubled waters are here again due to varying factors but I am still looking up to Him who made heaven and earth 🌍.

Today I read a great quote that went something like this – Lord why do you lead me through troubled waters? He replied that is because it is there your enemies can’t swim.

Still thinking about that one a while…

Peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

I am what I am…

I am nothing more; nothing less. Exactly perfect how I am. My good, my bad, my disorder which gives me great insight into my condition.

Found out today that it costs me practically $300 per visit for my psychiatrist visits New insurance baloney but I’m good so will see him less often and do get free samples but worries that my new insurance isn’t that great.

So what God always provides. I am blessed for sure. I am living in the moment and have found peace in my heart and soul. I am no longer troubled about things. I have acceptance and gratitude for all that is and all that is to come!

God bless all of you whatever your beliefs or lack thereof life is short so shout out a prayer to the Universe and Godspeed…

Merry Christmas 🎄

Pax

Victoria

The remedy at least for me…

I asked God today for direction and guidance. I have done this before and been amazed at the results. It’s a simple quiet prayer asking to know His will…

Interesting what comes up, do more of this, less of that and so on. Today a dear friend is coming over. It will be fun! I lit some candles and tidied the front room. I don’t have many visitors. Maybe one for 500 of my husbands. He has famous barbecues every week and lots of car buddies. I am content like this as I have my family with me and you never know when things will get hectic.

My husband is off for 2 weeks! Creativity at many levels. Again without the vices that lower my vibration. Must is a word I have found helpful. Must be sober, must write more, must exercise. Why? Because it helps me to live up to my innermost desires, which I believe are not too lofty.

I have always searched for the truth…justifications, excuses, distractions prevent me from living it, but sometimes like yesterday it was the perfect balance of activity, rest and relaxation. It’s the little things sometimes that make my day. Like last night, I went to be with clean sheets and blankets and took a long shower so clean me, clean bed. Went to bed at a decent hour and now ready for the day.

The choices we make today reflect our tomorrows!

So I choose good things again and again.

Have to lose 20 pounds! Bummer but I got this.

peace love light and joy

pax

Victoria

Morning musing cont…

Morning, as it does, has become evening and I am quite somber tonight reflecting upon the gift of life that God has bestowed upon us all. He can take this gift away or not, it is up to Him. When He wants us home, I shall not delay but jump in His arms and finally get to see Him face to face.

It has been a long day as I sit her in the peace of the night, dog breathing softly next to me asleep in her bed and the other one, my princess, is atop the bed in my meditation room where I sleep and spend much of my day reflecting upon life and listening to the usual, Jason Mraz in his beachlife festival in the Philippines 2019. How I pray for you Philippines!

Not a usual day but got something done and fed me and the family so that’s good. Much sadness mixed with this anticipatory grief at my brother in laws impending death. Pray with me for a miracle. I do want him to remain a while longer for my sister’s sake especially. He is magnanimous and I love him. He’s a good one for sure.

I no longer welcome death, no I send out to the universe vibes of longevity for all to be in God’s will. I used to want to die but I have many protective factors that reduce my chance at suicide among people with schizophrenia. Tomorrow I will write in the am about protective factors.

pax

victoria

The veil is thin…

Death will come to us all; that much is true…

But as people with this disorder we must fight for better days so we don’t give in to the stats about suicide and having schizophrenia. We must work hard to take care of ourselves and never never give up…

Going to start a morning ritual of writing upon waking.

Today is a sad day for our family; a loved one is losing his battle with cancer. Troops are rallying around him. Blessed be God forever ❤️

Pax

Victoria