On pause…even this disorder lies in waiting…

This world 🌎 is so strange right now…my dad is dying, any moment now, and covid has changed everything! Zoom instead of people coming over. Ah so what? We were still together. Covid cannot stop love ❤️

I am avoiding many things right now: driving, social media, certain family and wine. In that order, but making sure I take care of myself. Sleep, food, water! Exercise is minimal but don’t feel like doing much.

I’m being gentle with myself the best I can ! Today is my baby boy s 22 birthday 🎂! My daughter and I made it special and even just helped him make a wonderful meal. Clean up is done and my dad didn’t pass on his birthday!

God is good! I am also taking a break from blogging the next part of the series negative and cognitive symptoms. But if you want to read past blogs about anything including the fore mentioned. Just use the search bar to the left of this pages title.

Will still check in but so overcome by grief I don’t know if this makes sense but even my disorder waits on hold . Very clear thinking about much but still some confusion too. No positive symptoms not even delusional. Going to start some new projects once life continues.

For now thank you for holding this space with me! Peace love light and joy 🥲

Pax

Victoria

Death awaits…

Still holding light vigil for my dad. Thank you for any prayers for his eminent transition. I am thinking it will be January. So I am somber but also use humor to deflect dark thoughts about death and how much he is currently suffering. Peace be with you dearest dad, my love for you is sure and this pain I do feel.

How blessed we all are to be able to watch the sunset from wherever we are. Tonight’s will be glorious. A premonition of sorts for February, the month when things will get better.

Peace, love, light and joy

pax

Victoria

Dedication and thoughts tonight…

Bittersweet day, celebrating and such sadness for my brother-in-law who is on the verge of passing. I don’t do well with mixed emotions.

Happy that I am proud to be an American again!

But sad at the thought that my sister will be alone and that she is ok during these last few moments of her husband’s life on this earth.

I am ok though but not doing much today or yesterday as I am holding my own vigil over here for them since I can’t be with her or talk to her right now. The end is coming quick yet it is delayed. Hospice is surprised he made it through the nights. God’s timing and nobody else’s. God is good. I shall praise him in death, birth, and all in between.

For a minute I thought I wanted to be a death doula. But I can’t I know now and that’s ok because I can pray at least. Hard to pray right now. I feel like every action, every key I stroke and every breath I take is for them and for our nation, to no longer be divided.

Shall I publish this post?

Sure why not!

I dedicate this post to my brother in law and my sister.

peace, love, joy and light to all,

pax

Victoria

The veil is thin…

Death will come to us all; that much is true…

But as people with this disorder we must fight for better days so we don’t give in to the stats about suicide and having schizophrenia. We must work hard to take care of ourselves and never never give up…

Going to start a morning ritual of writing upon waking.

Today is a sad day for our family; a loved one is losing his battle with cancer. Troops are rallying around him. Blessed be God forever ❤️

Pax

Victoria

death is a mere separation between here and there…

We’ve got a lot to learn about death and once we are dead we don’t have anyway to convey the beauty of heaven back to our loved ones but I know they live on…

I have had some recent wonderful experiences with my dear friend and her deceased husband speaking through me to her on more than one occasion. The veil is thin folks between life and death. When God wants us home we shall not delay. I will not, I will run into Jesus’ arms and throw myself at His feet. And there I shall lay for a while, at peace at last.

This disorder won’t exist in heaven. I will be made whole again. We all will. And if you dont believe I will believe for you. I have faith to spare in large amounts. God is so good at guiding me in all I do.

It has not always been so though. I was a lost child just not that long ago. Chasing experiences like the wind. Hoping for time alone with God in the way I am able to reach Him now. Which is no longer unusual. NO the messages are rare if ever and the peace I have in my heart is lasting.

Now that I know I am an empath and what one is. I can deflect negative energy mentally or with the usage of my crystals. It is wonderful to be in control of my thoughts. Ridding my mind of thoughts that do not serve me or anybody to speak of for that matter.

Life is good these days with a few exceptions. Sick, near death family members and others like my parents living on the prayers of others like fumes from the fire.

Peace, love light and joy to all of you,

pax

Victoria