It’s Friday!

Not that that means a lot to me because I don;t work a m-f job but my husband does so it is reason to celebrate for him. A lot going on and will share soon. I have found support by researchers on the link between schizophrenia and ginkgo bilboa for negative symptoms. Will be doing a full report soon but the reality of my own experience and this report really makes me want to scream from the rooftops.

My computer has been acting up so partially why been silent and why I am making this very short as to get it out there. Hope you all have a great weekend and will be blogging very soon my findings in the study.

peace love light and joy

Victoria

Updates on Mental Health groups…

Good evening!

Been stuck in my own head trying to wrap my brain around all the new groups I have been attending starting last week! I haven’t felt like blogging because of this and just haven’t really been in the mood. So tonight I lit a candle and am burning incense to inspire me. It’s working!

I want to share a few things I have learned so far and to share that it has all been the most positive helpful experience so far! These are the free mental health groups that I found and it is all virtual and local if things ever open up again I can meet the faces on Zoom. They do have a few in person groups but you have to wear two masks and I can barely breathe with one so I’m like nah. I’ll wait:)

The first class I attended was on coping with loss. Just three of us so very intimate. I shared my story about my dad still being alive paralyzed partially after some major strokes and how hard it is after close to 5 years living like this with my dad being alive but unable to talk to him because he sleeps so much:( The group was very sympathetic and I really liked learning that everything I am going through is normal for grief processing. I shared how I just don’t think about it or allow myself to, because it makes me so sad. This is ok! I thought it was wrong, forgetting about my dad, my heart and soul. But it is not. It is survival and an excellent coping mechanism

Next group was on dealing with depression and anxiety. What I got the most from this was that we need to use our wise mind. See diagram below. We all have a rational mind and emotional mind and balancing the two leads to using your wise mind. It has helped me greatly in making some pretty important decisions as of late. This is a DBT model if you are interested in learning more about using your wise mind.

Today I virtually attended a sound bath with crystal bowls. It was pretty cool and got me so relaxed that I have not done anything after until now! Would be better on a day when I don’t have a lot to do but it was nice to be relaxed for a few hours.

And last but not least was the DRA group. Dual recovery anonymous. Very interesting. It was a larger size than the others and there were three people who had been clean and sober for many many years. It gave me hope but I’m bummed because the class is only once a week and this week I have an appointment at that time:( It was also interesting because 4 people in the group myself included carried the dx of Schizophrenia and two of them were the ones with a lot of clean time. No nothing! I am inspired!

So that is the recap of what has been going on in my days. I try to only attend one group a day so it isn’t overwhelming. This week I plan to attend Intuitive eating and health; Increasing self-love and compassion; yoga and a couple more but I forget. I just have to organize my days around them so restructuring my time is a bit of a challenge but navigating it as best as I can.

I must be gentle with myself though and not get too overwhelmed by information but the groups aren’t demanding and they are very lbqgt+ oriented so it is a good mix of all types of people with all sorts of disorders. I’m glad I’m pretty good at not comparing myself to others. I am more on the vocal side but that’s just me. Some people are so quiet but often the same people are in each group so it’s nice to see familiar faces.

That being said though and I will say I have been journaling quite a bit lately and really discovering who I am. I am especially obsessed with my childhood and my upbringing. I’ve been making some connections lately which is great just don’t know yet what to do with the information. Perhaps one of these groups will help.

Hope this is helpful for ya’ll.

peace love light and joy

Victoria

Life is short and long…

Found out today from a reputable source in the schizophrenia field that covid is especially dangerous for people with schizophrenia. She wasn’t sure why but I want to encourage you all to take good care😊 I got my first vaccine already so I’m happy about that.

I also like staying home. It’s wonderful to support local families in their endeavors to make money. Just bought some cute Easter 🐣 bags for all my loved ones! Delivered and all!

Happy Good Friday to all of you. It has been a somber day…

Peace love light and joy

Victoria

Late night musings…

Welcome to my mind where drama still exists maybe more than others, maybe less but for me it is not always a safe place. I get myself into trouble, not police haha. But around 2pm-3pm every day I get really anxious. I’m pretty good at figuring things out so am going to tackle this as well. Maybe some cbd oil, hate to take more anxiety meds but never abuse it so I will try cbd oil first and then if that doesn’t help take a half a klonapin. It really sucks. I’ll be having a great day and then wham I don’t know what to do.

I have tried various measures like planning my day out the night before and it has helped me to be more productive and organized but I am lost at that time. Anybody else experience a time of day like this of restlessness?

Anyway, today was a beautiful day in sunny California. Gardened with my daughter in the evening when it cooled down. It was actually 82 degrees here today!

Didn’t feel like writing my book today but still waiting for my editor to proof the rough draft but still much to do.

I am getting ready for Easter dinner for family on Sunday so much to do! I love having my close family over and especially with my pregnant daughter in law not able to entertain so it falls on me for now. I don’t mind. I have some flowers I need to buy and plant in a half wine barrel my hubbie found somewhere hehe. And I am painting my kitchen cabinets white with new black knobs. Red tulips on my black and white checkered tablecloth. I love order!

Another windfall of money came my way. I can’t believe it but put it straight in savings except for flowers! I have manifested this with and without hard work. I am now trying to manifest more connection with my kids. It’s working. I don’t care about money but do care about my loved ones. Going to make a donation to my favorite charity CureSZ and start a mutual fund for my future grandchild like my mom did for mine!

Balance is my mindset right now with everything. No more extremes I’m really gonna try. Today was great and terrible. Tomorrow I’m going for even keel.

Starting my new mental health program tomorrow on loss. We shall see!

Hope ya’ll have a great night.

peace, love light and joy

Victoria

Found an amazing program…

Good morning all!

I have to share a new program I will be trying out that is local to my area. I did not even know about this opportunity. They have classes for anxiety and depression, dual diagnosis, creative expression, peer to peer, and more. Even have a walking group in person but other than that it is all virtual. I will let you know how it goes as usual but wondering if every state/province/country has mental help services like this one in your area. Where I live it is 211 (USA) to find out about such resources. Not sure in various countries but good to check out.

In the past I have not been interested in joining groups but I feel I want to at least give it a try. Wish me well!

Go on be happy now…

Did you set your intention today yet? I am right now and the winner is perseverance with attention to detail. I have a lot to do today but taking the time to set my intention is my latest desire to set my day with the right tone.

I choose a happy life and it chooses me. Although there is much to be sad about I choose to focus on the good memories or nothing at all. If I remember a sad occurrence from my past I choose to think up a lesson I learned from the experience to avoid certain outcomes.

Call it a survival mechinism or what you may but it works for me so far. For example my freindship that has ended recently, I learned that I don’t need to share every nuance of my life with any one person. And I don’t need to apologize for my actions. This is freeing and helps me to find a better mental state rather than be thinking all the time that I miss her and our friendship. Instead thinking that I had a grande time that ended.

That does not mean I will never have a friend again just that I need to be more protective of how much I share with any one person. Trust is hard but must not be jaded when it comes to friendships.

Super sad about my dad too but again remembering all the good in our life back to when I was a little girl and would sit atop his shoulders covering his eyes with my little hands. How he up till recently still loved to tell this story. But alas I can’t communicate with him anymore but that may change. We shall see.

Off to the gardens now. The weather is perfect and I am in the mood. Ah a great combination:)

peace love light and joy

Victoria

My twisted side…

So all holds released. I like to numb out. Whatever works. So sad to say that I have been indulging again.

I know my pdoc doesn’t want me to drink but it helps me to feel something. Which is better than nothing.

Not judging this time of release. Just noticing. It doesn’t happen all the time but it is happening now. I feel good. I feel something.

If this is a regret than so be it. Sometimes one needs to feel and right now I feel nothing.

Oh I have better plans for tomorrow but for tonight I will accept the numb. Sorry pdoc. but this is better than therapy to release how I feel for one night.

With open arms and open eyes I’ll be there.

Will this be published?

water over wine, not tonight.

I’m glad I have no boss. but at time s I am still very lost.

What is the answer that I am seeking? I know not. I can only relate that it is good to be numb for a moment. Away from the pain of losing a good friend, my father, my mother. Life is always changing. My daughter is my life. If it weren’t for her I would have given up by now. But she is a ray of sunshine. A ray of hope. Spring wherever she goes she.

I’m gonna be a grandma have i told you yet?

Haven’t been able to reveal this happy news but now is the time. My life is changing as I write. So much happiness right now. A new life. Happiness, love in the air. This is as grand as it gets right?

I must prepare for October. God will surely lead me as He has not let me down yet.

That is all for tonight. More to come tomorrow. Sober days to come as cannot indulge like this every night. Time will make its way to me.

May tomorrow be productive and sober as I begin the life I am meant to live.

peace love light and joy

Victoria

April hopes…

Gardening! Started today and it felt great except for the splinters I got in my finger…minor intrusion but dealt with it. My hope for April is to garden every day. Wake up and get out there. Feel the dirt in my fingers, spreading roots, watering, compost tea, cleaning up my potting bench and weeding, weeding, weeding! Without out the weeds it would present no challenge so I take this challenge and tomorrow will wear gloves. But seriously I want to have an awesome veggie and flower garden this year!

Eating more salads and veggies mixed in with favorites. Veggies won’t be ready for a while from my garden but planning to visit farmer’s markets and buy locally grown. More produce, no processed except rare and whole foods as much as possible. Limiting high calorie drinks and drinking mainly water with the occasional cup of joe.

Finish my first book! It is closer after much work this weekend. Submit very rough draft to my editor and hoping for some more movement on my part too. I’m liking it so far though so must take advantage of the times when the iron is hot and strike!

Walking! Must use treadmill or go on walk a half an hour a day for physical and more importantly mental or brain health. Spring is here so must take advantage of good weather and nice days:)

These are just some of my thoughts tonight about starting a new month before it even started. Ha ha. I love new beginnings if you can’t tell.

With the money that has befallen me recently, I am getting new glasses, seeing the dentist, making minor home improvements and saving the rest for a rainy day for surely it will come. Money sure goes fast! I am also keeping the search feature for this blog so be sure to check it out as many readers have been having fun at least I hope so:)

peace love light and joy

Victoria

I won’t worry my life away…

Life is too short to spend it in worry especially about my past. I don’t spend much time there but as many of us do sometimes a trigger can bring us back to an exciting time or unfortunately an upsetting event we would rather forget.

How can we be in the present moment? Fix our thoughts on the now, the present moment, what we hear (I hear Jason Mraz singing I won’t worry my life away and the keys tapping as I tap out this blog). What we see (I see words, I love words as they often can convey so much of what we feel). Smells, touch and taste also bring us in the moment.

These are just a few examples of grounding. If we are thinking about yesterday and the future then we are not in the moment. This is hard to do but not impossible.

I have much to do today. I am working on my book again (yay me), I am reading a new revolutionary self help book I was asked to review and I have my new treadmill to get some movement in.

Also going to cook up the last of the veggies and make a huge salad for tonight’s dinner! Busy yet relaxing day. Hope you all have a happy Sunday. I choose to not worry about a thing! What do you choose today?

peace love light and joy

Victoria

Still looking up…

Hard week on many levels. But it’s over and moving forward with as much excitement as I can muster.

No one supports my new healthy lifestyle. This is a big surprise to me! But I must do it for me then and no one else. Must find my footing once again.

I didn’t write this week. Nor blog . Nor journal. I am afraid of what I will find I suppose. Writing does this for me. It is a reflection of my state of my soul.

Any way around it I refuse to feel guilty but accept this time of rest and quiet reflection.

On the other hand I feel I am exactly where I am supposed to be…

I won’t stay away anyway. I must write my ups and downs and it was a down week!

I emit to the universe all my needs and wants and help me to know what that is!!!

Peace love light and joy

Victoria