Michelle here after a break from blogging. And to be honest I may not be a blogger anymore but time will tell.
Victoria was one of my parts with my DID disorder and since fully integrating about 2 weeks ago, I no longer feel her presence so I’m not sure of where I am headed with this blog but hopefully will shed some light.
So much has happened! And yet time passes slowly.
I have been hard at work on myself, my home, my gardens…all the people I love and my pups!
I still have many problems but I wake up each day and take what life brings and try to make the best of it. I don’t always manage well but that’s ok because I am human and not every day can be a great day.
Yesterday I was suicidal with a plan for twenty minutes. It hit me hard because I had had an awesome day prior, socializing with old and new friends and it was such an exciting day that when the next day hit and something bothered me, I just fell apart for a bit. But my daughter helped to bring me around but before that I thought about all my protective factors and knew I could never do that to the ones I love. But it scared me that I got so low so quickly…
Today was better but that was because I hung out with friends again and took really good care of myself ending the day with a hot bath and a blog.
Anyway, I will check in from time to time to explain how I integrated. Yesterday, it was the depressive part of my Schizoaffective Disorder that kicked in.
I am not drinking or smoking weed anymore and my life has gotten much better because of that. I am relying on 12 step programs to do this so it is awesome to make new friends.
I will end with a quote that really speaks to me.
“Fall in love with the masterpiece and also the paint on the floor” I might have messed it up but in its essence I think it means to love all of you, defects and good parts too. I am certainly trying.
~May you feel the source of all that is good be with you all today, tonight and for all your life to come!