Super self-care to celebrate mental health day…

Today is a special day of the year for many of us. How are you celebrating?

Me~SUPER SELF-CARE

which includes tidying and minor chores first and then taking some time for me doing things I enjoy. Gardening, cleaning (I’m weird that I like to clean), coloring my city, a long hot bath, chilling and eating good healthy food and watching a movie tonight! Might slip in some yoga and always always meditation in my woman cave of which all may enter freely.

I live with three other people and they all visit me when I am in my meditation room doing what i do.

a walk is on the horizon and came to fruition…

I walk a lot with my daughter and it doesn’t matter where we walk, just being with her gives me great comfort and stress relief. It is the same with my two boys. I suppose I am lucky like that to have good relationships with my three children. I actually have 5 children but two are in heaven…

So to end this day I am going out to dinner with my husband of 28 1/2 years to a fancy restaurant. Got almost everything done as planned, but didn’t take a bath, but it’s ok, can’t do it all.

Mental health day is great and all but the fact that I am not feeling my best today mentally is irksome. I have had some great days recently though so there’s that. Must be grateful for what I am and what I accomplish even if it isn’t done perfectly.

I didn’t feel like doing one single thing today but did it anyway because it is a habit now. Sitting for hours on end just doesn’t serve me anymore.

I feel off balance for sure. Hoping to find my groove but may need a new day. Today I got woken up early so went back to bed and slept in later than I like. A sleep schedule is so important…

Here’s to new better days, celebrating that we are alive, even when we aren’t grateful for anything.

peace, love and light and joy

pax

Victoria

Lots of changes constantly…

There seems to be a shifting in my mind as of late. Too much to share. But will blog about it soon as I am in transitional mind set right now, easily influenced. And my husband knows my weakness and preyed upon it this night…

Ahhh!

Need to do some cord cutting before bed with my quartz crystal.

Pax

Victoria

My mixed up life…

Putting on a show feels like lately.

I am in charge of the finances and am in the middle of many multifaceted projects having to do with money.

I need to first pat myself on the back and then say good job for navigating boring waters. Refinancing property and changing banks and then changing back because the bank made several errors not in my favor. Yet I keep going.

I am obsessed with getting through this and putting my energy into the gardens. I make mistakes though but just fix it and learn to take better notes.

Yet I feel a certain stress at the seemingly unending tasks. I think anybody would but having a brain 🧠 health disorder schizophrenia schizoaffective disorder makes the continuation of it all to knock me off balance.

Tonight pet the dog a long while. We were happy 😃

Peace love joy and light!

Pax

Victoria

Some days..

Are harder than others and some I glide through with great grace and dignity. Today is not one of those easy days.

Not feeling well and much to do despite working hard all week. Some or most rather was stressful. I have taken on a lot and have much more yet to do. Won’t bore with details.

Have decided it’s ok to have a chill day!

So chilling I go!

Pax

Victoria

Psychotic episode from 2007…

Things were intensifying. Many messages and late nights feeling the heavy presence of God. No drugs, no alcohol, but some stress of my grandma’s passing may have induced schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder. Dx’ed in 2008.

Things other people take for granted became next to impossible like going to the store. Visits from God at these times or my disorder in full psychotic state, not sure really but it was pretty cool except for the time when~

I was walking down the spice packet aisle at my local grocery store and suddenly the command came to buy one of each. I ignored it at first but suddenly I found myself melting to the store if I did not do this weird thing. I hate to ever cause a scene so after several attempts to ignore what I thought to be God testing my obedience, I did it. I felt the paralyzing of my limbs when I tried to ignore the strong inner command.

$200 later I was leaving the store with bags of spice packets half of which I gave to a friend who I believed had shared psychotic disorder. Paralyzing, commands and testing are not of God I believe. I know now it was this dastard bleeping disorder. And luckily enough, do not have psychotic experiences since started taking goterpy cbd oil full spectrum the past few years.

I voluntarily entered UCLA in January of 2008 and the minute I started taking anti-psychotics meds the symptoms began to cease. The messages stopped mostly. God does break through at times in important things such as certain friendships and others I get the green light.

I must now release these terrible memories and do some cord cutting with my quartz crystal tonight, when the house is quiet…

Wishing you all recovery, peace and love

pax

Victoria

Learned mirth…continued

So sad story, both my parents are in care facilities different ones and it’s really hard not seeing them anymore. Done crying 😢

I thought up an idea to make a clue board for my mom who is pretty with it which is great 👍 I’m putting little clues that I hope she can get but anyway it will be good for her to stretch her brain 🧠 and she’s looking forward to it!

She even gets a prize!

One of the clues is a penny with a date on it significant to her life. I get to dig through hundreds of pennies to find the year of her wedding and my dads birth year etc…

Fun mirthful activity!

Did a scavenger hunt last week at the house for my adult children. Hey gotta at least try to make life fun during this pandemic!

Thinking about funny things is hard when you’re trying. I say the wittiest things when I’m not trying! So I’m gonna stop trying.

Pax

Victoria

My homelessness on the streets of New York story…

I don’t know when my prodromal symptoms started but I was a crazy teenager to say the least. I was a punk rocker on drugs and at the age of 18 I decided to fly to New York and try my hand at theater…

I was born and raised in California and knew nobody there but my high school drama teacher convinced me I was a natural for stage theater, so ran with that. I went on one audition and forgot my singing lines because I was stoned ha ha! Didn’t get the part.

I had 800 dollars from a car accident so went with that and hope to get “discovered”. But the thralls of the punk rock scene, drugs, sex and anything outrageous appealed to me so off I went with a one way ticket to La Guardia airport.

This is not fiction. I arrived at night and ended up staying at the apartment of the cab driver who was very nice but wanted more for him allowing me to spend the night so I was out of there. I did not believe in God but looking back I see how much God protected me during this very insane time of my life.

I found a cheap hotel, Hotel 17, in lower side east Manhattan. And from there I set up camp. I panhandled for money and did what I had to do to survive but ended up on the streets in a squat (an abandoned condemned apartment building) with fellow punk rockers. We were a tribe and did everything together, well mostly.

We had fun getting high and living off the kindness of others, whether it was to take a shower or to receive a meal. We panhandled for drugs or a slice of pizza and I used a Swedish accent to feign the need for help which was real. I looked for a few jobs and would rotate between the cheesey hotel and the squat.

But then tragedy struck…

part two tomorrow

pax

Victoria