a sad post…..medication helping to feel deep emotions

Today I saw my dad…..he is paralyzed on his left side after two strokes last year July 2, 2016.

He is not always coherent but today was priceless…

I just love my dad so so much and miss our long visits over coffee with him going on and on about whatever was on his mind, advice, observations, secret holder my dad!

I told him I was hearing voices of Jesus and he never told till later after my life unraveled.  I could trust him with anything and everything and trust him I did…

but no more and this makes me so sad…he almost died twice and yet he is still with us in this new limited capacity… but I will take it God, I accept he will never be back to where he was before, so today was special.

We sat by a fountain at the care facility where he lives and called a few people and then he began to just talk to me…in a low but clear voice, advising me as he once did with words from the gospel to be Jesus’ sheep.  we sat a while…and then he was done.

I have been taking Clozapine now for 3 days and I have not felt such deep emotions for a very long time….Can’t wait until it is increased and I can stop taking my other anti-psychotics!

Hope you all are doing well!

Pax

Victoria

 

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Essential oils brighten my day:)

I bought a pack of essential oils with lemon, rosemary, cedarwood, eucalyptus, orange, peppermint, lavender, stress relief and more…

I have been using them in various recipes that I got out of eat dirt by Dr. Josh Axe.  Today I made deodorant with coconut oil, baking soda and rosemary.  Put it in an old container and have cheap good smelling deodorant!

Tomorrow it is going to be my favorite activity with lavender.  I am making goat soap the easy way and even adding color and lavender dried flowers to them.

Today was a good day.  I painted my kitchen cabinets and the kitchen is so much brighter now!  Feels clean!  Scrubbed my countertops too and got rid of what I don’t use that was taking up space mainly cds.  I am obsessed with Jason MrAz house shows.

I am not always motivated to do jobs around the house or in the gardens so I take the motivation when it comes… and lately because of the CBD oil and other herbal remedies plus the essential oils my motivation level is quite high.

I even applied to two jobs this week that won’t affect my disability if I get it working retail at department stores.  Seems chill.  Not much pay but right now anything helps!

Today is Padre Pio Feast Day September 23 and he answered a novena prayer I was saying with my daughter in a big way!  God is so good!

My disorder is in check right now.  I still take my medicines twice a day faithfully and everything else I do on top of it is just supplementation not instead of.  I have resigned to the fact that I will be taking Risperdal and Latuda along with Lexapro and my anti-anxiety drugs every day for the rest of my life.

Finding creative ways to make life pleasureable is half the fun, the other half is living my life with a purpose!

Still waiting for several things to happen, my second book should be published 2018, and I will find out hopefully this month if I qualify for permanent disablility or not.

My mom is also having surgery for a knee replacement this next week so appreciate any prayers anyone can muster!

Life is good!  Doesn’t have to be a pity party even when I am unmotivated….

Pax

Victoria

 

C

Quitting smoking, finances and art oh my:)

Good morning to all my readers!

It is a special day for me, will share more about this at the end.

I have quit smoking with a plan and am on day 5 with not one puff!  I am doing a little vaping at 3mg, my CBD oil which helps me to be more creative, and nicotine lozenges.  I am doing this not only for myself but for my children namely my son Dominic….

Finances are not good, but I have a plan for that too.  Applied for a retail job last night, think it might be enjoyable to work at a department store for 20-30 hours a week and still help my mom and visit my dad.  Need the money and the low pay won’t affect my permanent disability if I get it.  It has been one month since the hearing, with one to two months to go to get the verdict.  The lawyer made a strong argument in my favor why I can’t work gainfully.  I think I will win but until I know for sure it is a little nervewracking.

But I have been keeping busy with my collages, lately of loved ones for birthday cards and made a family heart shaped collage for me to look at when I want to smoke.  It really helps.  Have been making meditation cards for an upcoming show also, have about 20 so far with a goal to make 20 more.  I do this when my husband is watching tv and I sit at the kitchen table in the shared room and collage, cut and paste these beautiful pictures of anything and everything from butterflies to a mosque.  Lots of nature pictures too and peaceful images.  Don’t know what to sell them for as they cost nearly nothing to make.  Spent 18$ on a laminator and ten bucks on the sleeves.  Oh well, not in it for the money anyway.  If anyone wants me to make them one email me and I can custom make one for just cost of shipping 1$ or so…  victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

So I am staying busy while I await the verdict… gardening some, sparking, walking, cleaning house, sanding cabinets to paint in the kitchen, and getting rid of anything that isn’t nailed down  ha ha.  Also been shopping quite a bit on Amazon, love their lightening deals.

Anxiety is managed at the moment and delusions have lessened again thanks be to God and Mary whose special feast day is today.  Our Lady of Sorrows pray for us!

Hope everyone is doing well too!

Pax

Victoria

Update after hearing

It has been since August 2015, 2 years ago, that I have been waiting for my hearing.  And Monday it finally happened and lasted fifteen minutes!

And now I have to wait two more months for the verdict.  Lord help me!

My lawyer says it went well.  To me it is all a big blur.  I felt like the judge wasn’t even listening to me about why I can’t work because she kept looking down and then would immediately ask the next question.  I understand my lawyer’s line of questioning which essentially were to prove I  couldn’t work at any of the jobs they mentioned, but I felt like there could have been more said, just saying.

So all in all it went well but I will have to try very hard not to think about the fact that I may have to go to appeal…

God’s will be done!

Pax

Victoria

 

Just do it!

One of my readers asked yesterday how I got into a good fitness routine so I decided to blog my answer in case others were interested as well.  The answer is complicated so use whatever you want for what works for you but the bottom line is to just do it!

For me it all started when I bought my fitbit zip for $50 at a weight watchers meeting and began to compete against others for daily and weekly steps.  It got me into walking around 10,000 steps a day on a regular basis.  From there I wanted more but it took a while to get up to 7-10 miles a day.  I used to never win these friendly but competitive competitions but now I sometimes win and that is fun and encourages me to walk more.

Next thing that really helped was joining Sparkpeople almost a year ago.  It is free if you want to put up with annoying ads but well worth the small investment and have better features to help with weight loss, exercise and nutrition.  I started by taking challenges that led to getting even more active with strength training, yoga and pilates.  From there I was hooked and regularly feeling the benefits of exercise.

Then almost 3 months ago I started to better organize my routines and fell in love with Leslie Sansone videos which are available on Youtube or you can buy a dvd on Amazon which I did both.  I regularly walk her 3K which is light aerobic workout and now do her 5 mile workout 6 days a week at home.  I do have a gym membership but mostly workout at home and have found some great videos on Youtube which help me to organize my workouts.  I workout with Rebecca Louise, Jessica Smith and Leslie as I mentioned.

I not only have more energy throughout the day but I am in a better mood the days I workout and sleep like a baby at night.  I am addicted to exercise but my body and mind thank me every day I am able to get in a good workout!

Having Schizoaffective Disorder doesn’t have to be dreary.  With the help of exercise I don’t even feel like I have it some days!  I just wish I could get paid for working out because the bills are piling up while I await my hearing for permanent disability…..

Hope everyone has a great day.  If anyone else wants to chime in on the topic of how to get in a good exercise routine I am sure others will benefit too!

Pax

Victoria