Morning musings Monday…

It’s a fine day here in California, USA. I greet the day with open arms and welcome all that the day has to offer. My intention for this week is to be kind. But I want more although that is a great start. I want to take risks and change things up, clearing away negative energy and putting light love peace and joy instead.

Small goals I know but achievable step by step. Today starts with a blog with my plan for the week because without a plan I will get minimal done and I want to achieve a lot because the world is my oyster.

Be kind

to me, to others, to all animals

Move more~

Yoga

Walking with my doggie

stretching

good food~

good drink~

less coffee

more h20

These are my basic goals. In addition I want to make lavender goat milk soap and garden. I also want to do some more shadow work and play with my crystals and spend time learning more about them.

How will I get there? Well this is a great start to my week mapping it out on here. Today is a day at home with much to be done yet will pace myself with relaxation along the day or way:)

I am excited anyway to have goals for breaking my habit of sitting all day! Of course I have the notion that I am wise and that sitting all day meditating, listening to upbeat music, drinking coffee, vaping and little social media all day makes me some sort of wise old woman. People come visit me and my pups are always at my side. Incense or candles burn or both. I am at peace at these times but have to remember to eat. Not too hungry these days…

peace love light and joy

pax

Victoria

God is love…

And love is everything. In our love for the source of all that is good! Love must permeate my every action and belief.

I believe in an equal world 🌎 for all nations, genders, sexuality or lack thereof, religions, religious and atheists too! And to all who believe in communicating with the dead and God.

Bless you all! Every country, all people!

Namaste peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

Schizophrenia/ Schizoaffective Disorder Education Part 1…

I am not a medical professional and will not diagnose or treat anyone. This blog is meant to be narrative and educational at the same time. But it is not a substitute for real psychiatric care.

Schizophrenia is the gift I received in April 2006. Schizophrenia is loss of touch with reality. I had rare insights into my condition after 2 years of being psychotic. In 2008, I diagnosed myself with the help of the internet. A few months later my psychiatrist fine-tuned my diagnosis to schizoaffective disorder which is schizophrenia plus depression and other markers.

The years of 2006 and 2008 were full of good and bad memories. I experienced positive symptoms during this time. Positive symptoms are hallucinations( hearing and seeing things that aren’t there) hearing voices, psychotic and delusional. It was a wonderful scary time… Mixed with voices from Jesus and Mary, many messages, but I am getting ahead of myself, let me back up.

There are 3 types of symptoms with schizophrenia, positive (as described above), negative and cognitive symptoms. I will talk more about negative and cognitive symptoms in part 2 of this series.

I have not had positive symptoms for many years. Haven’t heard voices since 2007 but have been delusional as that is the hardest symptom to get rid of. I have written much about these times and will be posting some links soon or feel free to use the search feature located to the left of my title. You might try psychotic, delusional, or negative symptoms for example and a blog will come up that might interest you..

Yesterday celebrated 29 years of marriage to the same man ha ha. And this part of January is the anniversary of getting help at UCLA in 2008, 13 years ago. So lots to celebrate.

More to come so follow me to get the next part to this series. I have a paperwork trail to attend to for some financial stuff so will post part 2 early next week.

Questions are welcome! I am a bit disorganized (cognitive symptom) but not going to let that stop me from trying to help others understand this disorder. Feel free to email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com at my private email with any questions, comments, or to just say hi and if you do be sure to let me know where you are from. I am in California!

Hoping and praying for USA and the whole world!

peace, love light and joy

pax

Victoria

Welcome to my blog! For new readers click here for my brief bio.

Victoria here with a late night blog. I am still holding a vigil for my father who is eating again but is still very weak from lack of food and recovery from covid. It’s been a day mixed with tears, laughter, dancing, singing, cooking, music on repeat and laundry!

Odd sort of day but here I am excited to share some new ideas I have about this blog. Starting tomorrow I will be blogging about what schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder are and my personal experience with the positive, negative and cognitive symptoms. I will explain more in detail and questions are welcomed.

I am calling it Schizophrenia Education and Personal experiences…

I’m excited anyway so till tomorrow.

peace love light and joy

pax

Victoria

What does a mentorship look like?…

I have been mentored by many at different stages in my life. Some have passed on, some I outgrew and some are still with me on my journey.

I have offered to be a mentor for anyone on here so just want to explain a little more what that entails. It is free and even if you don’t feel like I’m a good fit, it is good to know what it might look like because I believe we all need one. My current mentor is also my best friend which makes it fun. But I’m always on the prowl to have another.

What does it look like though? It requires the willingness to explore parts of our lives in a non judgemental way. Comparison is discouraged but others who may have a life that is attractive for us can help us to decide what we want our lives to look like.

Some areas that will be explored will be uncovered by asking these sorts of questions.

Where are we stuck?

What are some obstacles?

What are some options?

What would be something that can generate change?

What does your ideal life look like?

What are your strengths?

What do you like?/dislike?

These are just some examples.

My main passions are chess, yoga, walking, all dogs and cats, Italy, meditation, music, gardening, spoiling my children and husband, tidying and organizing.

Now I am not an expert in any of these fields especially chess, novice at best; but I won’t let that stop me from learning more about each and every one of my passions. I’m not going to say this year because I don’t like to make resolutions on Jan 1 but rather every day I work to improve an area.

Now lets talk about mental health in a mentorship. I suffer from schizoaffective disorder and do not have any positive symptoms (hearing voices, seeing things, hallucinations of any sort) and my negative symptoms are at bay thanks to cbd oil I take every day. I do have some cognitive impairments but manage to live a very highly functioning life despite these deficits.

I believe I can be of help to people especially who suffer from schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder because I have suffered so much and am at a really good balanced place now. I have been passively suicidal, hospitalized 3 times (last time was when I tried to return to work and stress caused a relapse) and here I am now 3 years into being on permanent disability and kicking butt and taking names.

I manage my home, along with our other properties. I work 6 days a week but try to blog 7 days a week. I am busy but relax a lot too. There is always room for improvement and I am currently seeking a mentor who is knowledgeable about the metaphysical. I put this out there to the Universe and the Source of all that is good. I expect results manifested…

My ideal life would be one much like I have right now with a few tweaks. Life is a lot like chess; all about strategy.

peace, love, light and joy to you all!

pax

Victoria

Time…

Time is of the essence; we are not promised tomorrow.

Is my life the one I want? Am I content or ever striving for improvement in 6 main areas to be revealed at end of this theme. Suspenseful

Little by little I shall improve and with that I am content. Today nothing was easy but I conquered many a problem happy to report. It’s late and I’m sneaking in a blog before bed.

Ok so the 6 main areas are –

Spiritual- all for Jesus

Fitness- walk more, yoga daily and strength training, dance and gardening 🧑‍🌾 on nice days.

Nutrition- plan, shop, cook healthy but yummy

Social- meet a new friend this year ( might be when vaccines are more readily available)

Relationships- communicate better

Financial- pay off small debt, give more and save for emergency appointment with psychiatrist . Find new charity for cold people (just got my heater replaced) who need a new heater or blankets.

In time…

Pax

Victoria

I am what I am…

I am nothing more; nothing less. Exactly perfect how I am. My good, my bad, my disorder which gives me great insight into my condition.

Found out today that it costs me practically $300 per visit for my psychiatrist visits New insurance baloney but I’m good so will see him less often and do get free samples but worries that my new insurance isn’t that great.

So what God always provides. I am blessed for sure. I am living in the moment and have found peace in my heart and soul. I am no longer troubled about things. I have acceptance and gratitude for all that is and all that is to come!

God bless all of you whatever your beliefs or lack thereof life is short so shout out a prayer to the Universe and Godspeed…

Merry Christmas 🎄

Pax

Victoria

Off the charts…

I still do really crazy things sometimes. My OCD took over today with my kitchen and cooking and clean up. But that is not what I am talking about. I say things at times that are inappropriate as we all do with or without a mental health disorder. But I really made a mess the other day. But I’m not talking about that either. I can’t share I guess how I get crazy because it is hard to put into words. Let’s just say I can still be very impulsive and impatient. ha ha, that is all I shall share today… got to keep at least some secrets.

Ah, moving on as I always do. Will do some crystal cord cutting later if needed if my words are still bothering me. Funny now all I have to do is think I will crystal cord cut and the issue gets often remedied without doing the action. That’s pretty cool I think.

I go through my days all right. Just finished a huge project for our properties. Feels good but now I’m like I need to get back to what I enjoy, yoga, gardening, working out, walking, playing with my pups and other’s, and making time for writing.

I feel my creative juices flowing so for the end of December I am going to come up with a theme being “We can do it”! Part one will come tonight or tomorrow. We can get through this last part of the year that has been so so so so so so difficult for many myself included. I will be doing this to encourage myself as well by posting every day what I am doing to take care of myself rather than my vices which are always there to comfort me when needed.

Did anyone catch the Christmas star tonight? I missed it but it is supposed to be out tomorrow night too must set my alarm. I just get so busy.

Life is good. Hope that is the same tomorrow.

Peace love light and joy to all of you,

pax

Victoria

The remedy at least for me…

I asked God today for direction and guidance. I have done this before and been amazed at the results. It’s a simple quiet prayer asking to know His will…

Interesting what comes up, do more of this, less of that and so on. Today a dear friend is coming over. It will be fun! I lit some candles and tidied the front room. I don’t have many visitors. Maybe one for 500 of my husbands. He has famous barbecues every week and lots of car buddies. I am content like this as I have my family with me and you never know when things will get hectic.

My husband is off for 2 weeks! Creativity at many levels. Again without the vices that lower my vibration. Must is a word I have found helpful. Must be sober, must write more, must exercise. Why? Because it helps me to live up to my innermost desires, which I believe are not too lofty.

I have always searched for the truth…justifications, excuses, distractions prevent me from living it, but sometimes like yesterday it was the perfect balance of activity, rest and relaxation. It’s the little things sometimes that make my day. Like last night, I went to be with clean sheets and blankets and took a long shower so clean me, clean bed. Went to bed at a decent hour and now ready for the day.

The choices we make today reflect our tomorrows!

So I choose good things again and again.

Have to lose 20 pounds! Bummer but I got this.

peace love light and joy

pax

Victoria

A Day of Interest…

Today was upside down but I landed upright which is the end of the story so allow me to digress and start at the beginning…

Slept in late because stayed up late doing some relaxation techniques after a hectic day. Went right away to visit my friend who lives up on a hill her house which I call my sanctuary. Ended up eating stale sourdough toast with margarine on her kitchen floor. That is how comfortable I am there and I was worried about my timid dog who has started going places with me every day.

Deep talks, laughs, tears and every emotion as we cruised around our local tourist city on the Central Coast picking up necessary supplies. The dogs were quite content…

Time with my son’s new puppy my favorite new canine, Zelda Twinkie, who loves to lick me to death. I go feed her five days a week and look forward to getting her attention and that of Ripley her sister who always wants to play fetch. I am glad to help them out in this way and getting to bond with their pups is very rewarding.

What does any of this have to do with mental health? Today I felt like I didn’t have a disorder. Later that night I hung out with my son and practiced chess moves online. After this playing hide and seek Xmas present with my daughter. ha ha

I make fun. I get creative and seize opportunities as they arise. It’s hard to not be home though as I am so used to sitting in my meditation room all day pondering the meaning of life.

So if you’re like me and get stuck in a rut some days find whatever works for you to get the creative juices flowing.

Lastly, this year I have decided to start a new New Year’s tradition. Instead of sending out Xmas cards I am sending out Happy New Year 2021 cards along with an update highlighting the good in 2020 and wishing everyone a good year. My husband agreed this to be what we should do this year so am excited to get my cards I ordered on Amazon tomorrow!

That’s about it for me today. A day of relaxing is needed and I have a lot of work to get done tomorrow so enjoyed today’s needed break from my busy life.

peace, love light and joy

pax

Victoria