Death awaits…

Still holding light vigil for my dad. Thank you for any prayers for his eminent transition. I am thinking it will be January. So I am somber but also use humor to deflect dark thoughts about death and how much he is currently suffering. Peace be with you dearest dad, my love for you is sure and this pain I do feel.

How blessed we all are to be able to watch the sunset from wherever we are. Tonight’s will be glorious. A premonition of sorts for February, the month when things will get better.

Peace, love, light and joy

pax

Victoria

Late night blog…

Hot tea, incense burning, lavender oil on pillow, and hand lotion, music so pretty, winding down for the night but it has been a crazy sort of day…

Melt down, recovering still, must be gentle with myself…

My best friend knows and is praying 🙏

No voices no messages and grateful for that!

I toy with danger at times and last night I got too close to the flames 🔥

Tonight it’s a 180’ turn

Much better and not bored

Good night 💤

Peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

My theme for 2021…

Where will I spend my energy? that is my theme for this year and every moment of 2021.

Time is not guaranteed so I am reevaluating many aspects of my life and working at maneuvering around obstacles that will always be present but heck I’m not gonna give up!

Today is a good day! It is Sunday so restful day but I already played and lost two games of chess, did hot yoga, switched to tea mid morning from coffee, blogging, organizing my year by months (nothing spectacular), attended part of Mass and now going on walk with daughter!

Music this year so far is George Michael. Rip dear George. He was only 53 when he passed, so young, and I am 51. Time is not guaranteed to anyone…

Make the most of it

peace, love light and joy

pax

Victoria

What does a mentorship look like?…

I have been mentored by many at different stages in my life. Some have passed on, some I outgrew and some are still with me on my journey.

I have offered to be a mentor for anyone on here so just want to explain a little more what that entails. It is free and even if you don’t feel like I’m a good fit, it is good to know what it might look like because I believe we all need one. My current mentor is also my best friend which makes it fun. But I’m always on the prowl to have another.

What does it look like though? It requires the willingness to explore parts of our lives in a non judgemental way. Comparison is discouraged but others who may have a life that is attractive for us can help us to decide what we want our lives to look like.

Some areas that will be explored will be uncovered by asking these sorts of questions.

Where are we stuck?

What are some obstacles?

What are some options?

What would be something that can generate change?

What does your ideal life look like?

What are your strengths?

What do you like?/dislike?

These are just some examples.

My main passions are chess, yoga, walking, all dogs and cats, Italy, meditation, music, gardening, spoiling my children and husband, tidying and organizing.

Now I am not an expert in any of these fields especially chess, novice at best; but I won’t let that stop me from learning more about each and every one of my passions. I’m not going to say this year because I don’t like to make resolutions on Jan 1 but rather every day I work to improve an area.

Now lets talk about mental health in a mentorship. I suffer from schizoaffective disorder and do not have any positive symptoms (hearing voices, seeing things, hallucinations of any sort) and my negative symptoms are at bay thanks to cbd oil I take every day. I do have some cognitive impairments but manage to live a very highly functioning life despite these deficits.

I believe I can be of help to people especially who suffer from schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder because I have suffered so much and am at a really good balanced place now. I have been passively suicidal, hospitalized 3 times (last time was when I tried to return to work and stress caused a relapse) and here I am now 3 years into being on permanent disability and kicking butt and taking names.

I manage my home, along with our other properties. I work 6 days a week but try to blog 7 days a week. I am busy but relax a lot too. There is always room for improvement and I am currently seeking a mentor who is knowledgeable about the metaphysical. I put this out there to the Universe and the Source of all that is good. I expect results manifested…

My ideal life would be one much like I have right now with a few tweaks. Life is a lot like chess; all about strategy.

peace, love, light and joy to you all!

pax

Victoria

Shazam… my best thoughts for 2021…

A world 🌎 of peace, unity and less mental health stigma! I see this for 2021 with January still being hard but great things coming in February 2021!!

The planets will be aligned uniquely all because the Source of all that is good wills it so!

My personal goals matter and so do yours! It’s not about resolutions seriously but rather a way of life with kindness and love and joy at the center of it all near the heart ❤️ of Jesus!

Don’t worry about a thing! Just set your intention every day and watch as it gets manifested. Life is not long enough to do, say and write all that is important.

It’s about discernment. Does my next minute of activity need to be where I am? Or somewhere else? I am willing to help anyone through email correspondence and phone if needed, to help anyone find their purpose in life.

Before making the decision to work with me consider a few things, first are you willing to be open to new possibilities? Or are you content with your life? If you’re not I’m willing to assist.

I am not a therapist but am holding a masters degree in psychology and bachelors in sociology.

I have been diagnosed since 2008 with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, ocd, bipolar tendencies and anxiety. I am stable now for many years and love to connect with others. I saw Russia visited this blog recently! Welcome!

Also Ireland and many countries. Let’s connect!

I can be reached victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

God bless and happy new year!!! 🎊🎆🎈

Pax

Love light and joy

Victoria

Big reveal tonight at 12am pst 2021…

Well well well tonight at midnight 🕛 I will be blogging my first post of 2021!!

I am so excited for a new year readers! I don’t have any clue what this blog will be about…

That’s part of my fun today! I am bringing in the new year properly but by myself and my comforts! Going to tidy the house and start the outline for the New Years blog! Any topics will be considered and welcomed. Comment or send me an email at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

Pax

Victoria

Power, love, and synchronicity…

Power because we are not powerless. We have to strive for better days than most this year.

I welcome you to search this blog for a few more days any topic you are interested in. I may have blogged about it. Search symbol is at top left. Only will be there a few more days because I can’t afford it.

Back to power. We do have power with our choices. We can make better choices by reading and researching problematic issues in our lives. Do not let the power go.

One example is that I was very cold and my heater is broke so I decided to dance to George Michael (don’t tell Jason mraz please) and warm up! It worked! I used my power to change how I felt.

Change isn’t easy but one good choice leads to another and so on. If needed get a new perspective from a good friend or therapist. Change things up! Get crazy!

Love

Love is all I have right now. I love a lot and am loved too. This is important to recognize because sometimes I forget and gets sad. Growing up I felt unloved and unwanted. But it wasn’t that bad I am just extremely sensitive. I don’t hate this anymore.

Had a hard day today but love is carrying me through.

Synchronicity

Sometimes things work out so perfectly and other times not. Troubled waters are here again due to varying factors but I am still looking up to Him who made heaven and earth 🌍.

Today I read a great quote that went something like this – Lord why do you lead me through troubled waters? He replied that is because it is there your enemies can’t swim.

Still thinking about that one a while…

Peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

If the plane goes down damn…

I have been listening to plane by Jason Mraz all day. It used to be a song I couldn’t listen to because it reminded me of when my brother in law was passing. Damn. It’s still hard and now his sister is very sick if you can spare any prayers.

I am ok. Had a visit today with my dad and was very hard. He says he is happy though so theres’ that. Emotional tonight and feeling the sadness I have in my heart for the loss of my dad how I knew him.

He is the father I love with all my heart and soul. I wear his ring on my wedding finger. Just saying.

Life is weird ya know. Like one minute all is well and then there’s like this terrible news that takes you back to memories of other terrible news. And it just makes one sad:(

But I will not let it stop my night of relaxing. no I will fight for peace and tranquility and offer up my humble prayers for Jim’s sister’s well being and sit back and watch God work. But it will be a huge blow if we lose her too. Blasted 2020! Be over be done. I am so ready for 2021!

peace love light and joy

pax

Victoria

Learning to love our individuality…

We are all unique; special; wonderfully made….

I truly love who I am today. I am so much more than my diagnosis. I fight and today I kick-assed. I may not be able to hold down a job outside the home but I do so much every day, organizing, planning, paying bills, managing our properties and much much more.

Today I chose to forgo a popular routine of mine and ended up journaling at 9am! Didn’t write much but liked doing it because it puts what is in my head out on paper and helps me to know how I am doing. Today there was not a whole lot going on so I am going to journal at night as I am more of a night owl and get way more creative with my thoughts.

Onto loving our individuality… it is clear that no two people are alike. This is awesome! I often try when I blog to think what might be of interest. Well I am going to stop guessing and just flipping blog.

I love music! Jason Mraz is with me now on Youtube! He rocks! I love all my idiosynchroncies and nuances that make me unique. I love it when I am able to shed new light on a situation that may need it; and when I am able to give back to those from whom so much has been given.

I am no longer suicidal I just realized right now. This is great news! I want to live and see my grandchildren and see my adult children flourish as they already are…

I want so much but mostly I want an equal unified world. Nothing big God. Just what seems impossible at so many levels. But I can dream anyway along with others who came before me and stand on their shoulders and say I want change!

I have much hope in our new President Elect Joe Biden and Vice President elect Kamala Harris. May they help unite this world that is just a bunch of people like me trying to figure shit out. So on I go doing what I can by saying to all the countries that are visiting this blog~ Argentina, Germany, Uk, Mauritus, America, and many many more~ It is wonderful that we can unite on this blog at whatever level one feels comfortable.

God bless and God speed!

Pax

Victoria

The dreams bring back the memories…

Memories of those we lost along the way…

Thinking about this year brings up so much emotion so sorry but this is going to depress me while I type it and depress you while you read it, so let’s skip the recap of this years’ down points. Because there are many.

I am truly looking forward to next year. Just read somewhere that supposedly in February 2021 we will be in a much better situation hopefully with the vaccines getting out there and a new president:)

I am not at peace tonight; the fire rages within. But alas I shall ignore my demons and stay away from liquor. It is the only solution.

How are all of you? Fine in a sincerely good way I hope!

Hopefully some chess tonight with my son.

Good productive day despite stomach issues

peace, love light and joy to all of you,

pax

Victoria