When you have nothing to give…

Today was draining and it is only 2pm. My highlight of my day was my 10 month granddaughter crawling up me like a slide and kissing me crazily. How I wish I could spend more time with her as when I am with her all my problems seem so small…

It’s amazing how a baby or toddler can brighten up the darkest day:)

I’m not going to give details as to why my day is so hard as I want to focus on solutions rather than the 4 or 5 negative interactions that stay with me as I am home alone and no one to cry with.

The tears don’t fall easily still because of my psych meds, but they would if they could.

They would fall for myself, my best friend who is having a rough day too, and my son and doggie who both are still not feeling well.

So often we get stuck in a pattern. Right now my house is in disarray and no motivation yet to fix it. This just adds to my already feeling down.

A tidy house helps me feel in control and right now I have no control over much of my life.

Last night I turned directly to God for assistance and it was a nice comforting prayer of praise, adoration and Him blessing me with much peace.

Then today came and I am seeking again another deep connection with the One who made me and all of heaven and earth to come to my aid and help me in all my trials and tribulations.

I don’t have much to give yet I do not feel sorry for myself because I have my mind (thanks to kratom) and eventually I know that everything will somehow be ok. I have faith and that is a lot.

I also have a working body so now off to do some chores.

The homeopathic treatment for psychosis is underway with 90% compliance on my restricted diet. I think to myself every time I choose food on the list that I am possibly helping myself to be cured of schizophrenia, psychosis and depression permanently. This is all I have is hope.

Hope for better days…

Hope for all my loved ones to be well…

And Hope in God Almighty to work out all the sordid details of all that ails me.

Godspeed:)

pax

Victoria

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