An Ominous day…marriage, narcissism and hope~

Today was very strange indeed. I can’t give precise details but am praying very hard for a certain loved one.

All is well at the moment, but do you ever get that feeling when the sky is dark and cloudy that the shoe can drop at any given moment? I feel that way tonight.

I am prepared though and will never give up this battle I am in for my loved ones.

clouds during sunset
Photo by Soubhagya Maharana on Pexels.com

On to my topics I can write about-

First I must share with you all that I finally bought a writing desk for all my blogging and writing projects which grow by the day which I love…Currently I sit at my kitchen table on my laptop with my feet curled up in a ‘relaxing as it can be’ stance on a wooden chair with a cushion. hahaha.

However, my dear daughter finally moved out two nights ago and although it is bittersweet because I keep thinking she might be getting home, I know she is very happy and that brings me much joy!

But lemons to lemonade is what I am good at and I have been planning and today’s final delivery of a cute, like new writing desk for half the price, which I picked up a half an hour away is the final purchase. I also have invested in a brand new comfy office chair and my new rocket notebook which I use to take notes on my writing projects.

The past few months it has been blogging from my phone in my meditation room but tonight I am at the kitchen table with the dishwasher humming, a quiet house, and a celebration that my youngest son does not have a serious medical issue. Life is good until it’s not. I’m ok any way around it but better tonight knowing my son is not seriously ill:)

On to the topics-

Marriage, narcissism and hope which all go hand in hand for me.

The good and bad news is that I have come to realize that I have married my narcissistic mother. Good news to come to this realization and my husband is changing before my very eyes and bad news because my mother will never change.

What I learned tonight about narcissism is that these type of people are not evil. They are most likely victims themselves. Oh I won’t stop praying for my mom but I wonder how I turned out so well with the constant intention to never be like her, which my kids appreciate very much.

It comes down to choices and also interventions. I have become quite clever at this with my husband. We have a good marriage and I choose him again and again, even though he has some narcissistic traits. I give and give and he takes and takes, but I have done the work through therapy and self introspection to help him become a better husband.

Tonight he actually made his own dinner and didn’t complain. I even shared my apple with him after dinner which he was surprised at because that was most of my dinner. I am still not able to eat real food because of my viral infection and he is managing very well.

In fact I predicted this in a weird way when my trip to Missouri got canceled. I told him to pretend like I wasn’t home for 4 days, which would have been the time spent if I was away. He is actually following this advisement.

There is hope! If two partners are committed to make a marriage work, anything is possible and we have chosen each other again and again. I am not perfect naturally so I do have my faults, but he puts up with mine and I put up with his so we actually are very happy most of the time.

This has not always been the case as a few dents in the wall disclose.

Am I happy? I am but I also want more. We as humans always want more. And I hope to get it because life is too short to wish for otherwise.

When one of the people in the marriage refuse to change, refuse to acknowledge their mistakes and possible abuse of the other party that’s when it is probably best to say good bye for good.

I am more pensive than usual tonight! I haven’t gotten that break I was after yet but it’s ok because I am content with having a friend to share all my going ons with and her with me. Sometimes we don’t know what exactly we need but I do know that God gave me this friendship and am taking full advantage in a pleasant interchange through my days with her.

Stay tuned to my bat channel world. Coming up tomorrow will be a blog on another terrific resource for my USA followers, a treatment center that works with Schizophrenia and substance abuse issues.

Also coming up is another guest blogger who will be sharing her recovery story on here by the end of the month which is only a few days away!

Have hope everyone that all will be well if we keep looking for answers.

and I have hope I will be able to eat again but it gives me more time to do all I need to do rather than rummage through the fridge for another apple.

green apple fruit
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Pax

Victoria

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