Am I numb now? I think not. Visited my dad today with my mom and was a good visit. Yesterday was the 5 year anniversary of his strokes…that is all I wish to say about that. Haven’t found comfort in the bottle lately over the past five years of his almost dying many times. I’d rather be sober lately which is much better…
So even though I am very sad about my dad I am in the middle of planning a huge baby shower for my daughter in law and it is going well. As she is growing, and many wonderful changes are occurring to her body, I am also adjusting and trying to accept myself more to be the best grandma I can or know how. I’m pretty good with kids I think and they like me so can’t wait. Today was spent washing a large box of baby girl clothes. Some really cute clothes I found on facebook that were given to me for free.
I have been watching old videos of my kids when they were young and seeing myself before I got schizoaffective disorder is trippy! I am learning to accept myself in many aspects that have been a struggle for most of my life. This includes accepting my body. I would rather be happy and chubby than skinny and psychotic. So I accept that I just have to take this medication that helps but causes these side effects.
I am also sometimes loud and obnoxious although I think I have mellowed with age and being on meds.
So I accept my life for what it is; imperfect yet fun, challenging but interesting. Good and bad and everything in between.
Wishing all my American followers and happy 4th of July! And I also believe it was Happy Canada Day (hope I got that right).
For further inspiration check out this newer blog started during the pandemic of black and white photography. It’s really cool so check it out here to be inspired.
Peace love light and joy