Soolamen…taking me home

I am drinking tonight after a day of realizations. I have been busy in many ways and I am happy to report that I have a new therapist who specializes in DID disorder. I definitely have it. I won’t write about it on here too much but today was fucked up again so I sought help. We shall see if this therapist pans out. I watch for signs and the last assessment I had scheduled got canceled twice due to other pressing matters. We shall see.

I started a blog on DID disorder today and it was beautiful with dark colors and flowers but I decided that it is not where I wish to blog. I shall remain here ever as your servant. For better or worse I will blog because I am compelled to in so many ways. It helps me firstly, and the activity shows me that others are reading my blogs and liking them so I know I am reaching others. But a part of me wishes I had all the answers. I don’t unfortunately.

Looking at my past has really stirred up a lot of emotion. My parents did their best. My mom provided many activities but was lacking in the emotional arena. I love her though with all my heart even though right now I am not talking to her a lot due to many different reason. Tomorrow we are visiting my dad so send positive thoughts please!

I was really fucked up today mentally due to untreated DID disorder. But I have hope for Monday. I wish to integrate but losing my identities is also scary because they are a part of me and I am used to them. Michelle, the host of the system, is excited about the new therapist and getting some help. She needs it. Sorry if this is confusing but my real name is Michelle. Victoria is a pseudo name but was also the name my birth mother gave me when I was born so not too far off.

Brief history for anyone who cares. I was conceived by an unknown father, my birthmom struggled with keeping me or giving me up for adoption to a Catholic home, which she did, but the home I first went to was with a woman who was diagnosed with a terminal illness so I was removed and placed in an orphanage and later adopted by my mom and dad. My mom was unloving,, unkind, strict and controlling to say the least. This is how I split at an early age and rebelled as a teenager to say the least again.

That is all for now!

Except for tonight’s song, Soolaman by Neil Diamond here. I am obsessed with this song tonight.

pax

Victoria

2 comments on “Soolamen…taking me home

  1. ashleyleia says:

    I read a really good memoir recently about DID called You Will Never Be Normal. The author was able to integrate, and rather than suppressing parts, she was able to bring them all together into a cohesive parts of a whole rather than separate parts.

    Liked by 1 person

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