Yesterday I am writing off as just a bad day for me mentally. They happen…
Several days but who is counting.
Bottom line I reached out for help, simply saying~I am not ok to my daughter and her whisk into action. My saviour. I normally would have my best friend to help balance me out but alas we are still not talking. A text here and there expressing our love but knowing the memorial coming up causes me to wish to reach out to her. I pray for a sign but it is so complicated as most things in my life.
When one is a people pleaser life can often get messy. I try to please everyone even myself. I do not burn out often but this week was just too much I guess and I needed a break and a bit of exercise yesterday, which lifted me up and much more today, gardening and cleaning all day with breaks. I got a sunburn gardening but I do not mind because it helps me remember how good it feels again to start to enjoy a hobby.
I read a quote recently that said~ choose courage over comfort~ I choose both because I have to. One good thing that is coming out of this latest episode is that I am learning to set boundaries. Today for example, I was going to get food for my husband and his workers/friends and I told him it would be a while because (didnt explain to him though) I was perusing my local record store for some new vinlys, yes, my latest obsession, Neil Diamond! It took longer than I anticipated as I was having such a hard time deciding because there were so many! I am going back tomorrow!
I am learning from my sister who lost her husband in November to think ahead. Not doom and gloom, but preparedness for possible triggers. For her it is her grief; for me it is being stable. I am going to be a grandma. I have to be ok. I do not pressure myself though but feel I am making progress with 10 steps ahead and 3 steps back. At least I am getting somewhere, where I do not know.
But it was a good day! Not just because I got a lot done, I got a lot done because I felt better after sharing my difficutlities. I hope and pray all of you have more people than I do to rely on. I am down to my daughter, my mom (limited)) and my newest friend from Safe Haven who calls or emails the days she is working. Poor thing, my life is crazy. The ups and downs of the last few weeks has been incredible and she is my main go to lately. I also have my new old therapist. We are supposed to start inner child work this week. Wish me luck! I like her and she knows much of my pain and grief and is experrienced in dealing with traumatic childhoods.
May is almost over! I havent met my goal to blog about mental health awareness month as much as I had planned but life. I have to take care of me and share as I am able. No apologies, no regrets.
Have hope dear readers and I bid you well wishes of peace love light and joy