I am set tomorrow to see my psychiatrist about my noted recent mental health concerns at 7am. I don’ t get up till 9am usually, so this preparation is already starting with my caffeine intake and plans to get to bed by 11. I do not do well without sleep as do most of us so this is important. I can always go back to bed if needed I suppose so we shall see.
Last night I wrote out my brief points I wish to discuss with my psychiatrist tomorrow. I only get 15-20 minutes for the appointment and there is much to cover so although when I am doing well I don’t always do this, I felt it was extremely important to write things down for this and past crucial appointments. I included past times of dissociation prior to being diagnosed with Schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder and when others had noticed it.
I also have had to think much about my privacy at that time as my husband is scheduled to leave for a trip around 6am so hopefully he will be gone and everyone else will still be asleep. I do have a plan B though to just go on my phone in my car if others are around. I do miss in person appointments with the safety of being in his office. I have tested all my new equipment and it is all working.
Wonderful today I received a message from my psychiatrist to complete a specific how I am doing the past two weeks assessment, which I did. This made me very happy as it shows that he is prepping as well for this appointment. I have been with the same psychiatrist for the past 13 years so we know each other well and the best part is that I feel heard when I speak to him of my concerns and never judged. He values my insight into my conditions and is very respectful of wherever I am at. So high hopes tomorrow!
Will blog tomorrw hopefully and give an update.
Wishing you all a wonderful day and weekend ahead:)
Last year one of my greatest accomplishments by far was May series 2020 and how I learned to navigate being at home while having a serious brain mental health disorder. This May I find myself at a much different place than last year in terms of my mental health.
So I have decided to blog about these many changes. Ideas are welcome but the focus is on dealing with the many facets of having multiple disorders within my system. My official diagnosis so far is Schizoaffective Disorder (Schizophrenia plus depression) with bipolar tendencies, OCD and anxiety and now DID disorder or OSDD disorder.
I will be blogging as much as I can to have a compodium of information relevant to anybody interested.
I have put writing the books on hold for now but they are there when I have the desire to work on them some more. Shifting always.
When changes or recognizing patterns that have always been there concerning my mental health occurrs what should one do for the easiest transition?
For me it is in this order~
Checking in with my care team starting with my psychiatrist who I have had for 13 years now since being diagnosed with Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder in 2008. I trust him with my mental health. Have never felt judged. But I know I must be honest with him to my best ability for that is the only way I will get answers.
Next checked in with my adult daughter who has been my mental health support since 2008 also. She is always a good ear and I mostly agree with her feedback but not always. We have a great relationship though so it is not the easiest to discuss with her until I speak to my psychiatrist anyway. She needs that validation I suppose.
Finally, I just had a session with my therapist of old because she knows me. It was ok but I felt I was teaching her more about the disorder than her. But it was good practice to be able to explain how these changes came about or recognition of the symptoms that have been present since I was little.
Lastly, I have been receiving support from my group called Safe Haven where I began to learn about DID and OSDD disorders. They don’t have it but are supportive.
I’m having a rough week and it’s barely Monday. The concert distracted me at a fabulous level but now back to feeling discombobulated. But I know the best way for me to cope with the unknown condition of my mental health which I would call unraveling is to be busy. So off I go to clean the house. Well at least after I listen to my fave Jason MRaz song ” I won’t give up”.
Thank you Ed Carter a retired financial planner (click here to learn more about his serrvices), for another helpful article this blog this time on working for the disabled. Using these apps can be helpful. Feel free to share this blog on your own platform. This is Ed’s second guest piece and very appreciative for this great information. pax v
Career-Friendly Tech Tools for People with Disabilities
Are you looking for ways to give your career a boost, or to just make your workday a little easier? Technology is loaded with solutions these days. Regardless of what concern you have, there are tools and ideas that can help. Read on for some of the most affordable and accessible gadgets and apps that can help you achieve your goals.
As Scope explains, most of today’s phones are loaded with accessibility features that can be helpful to users with disabilities. Turning on text-to-speech, using dictation, and just using the built-in voice assistant can make communication and surfing easier for both work and pleasure. Many phones come with a magnification option, and you can adjust things like your screen’s brightness and text size for your comfort. Be sure to explore the tools already at your disposal before adding new apps to your device.
There are also simple ways to improve the quality of your experience, like adding Popsockets. These gripping accessories make holding your phone more comfortable, and they come in a wide range of styles to suit your personal and professional preferences.
A carrying case can also be a boon. Being able to keep your phone clipped to your belt, slipped into an arm band or looped around your neck means being able to use it comfortably while on the go, so you can always connect with clients or coworkers.
JAWS(R) screen reader
As the American Foundation for the Blind explains, screen readers read the text on your device using a speech synthesizer or braille display. JAWS(R) is one of the top screen readers now available for blind and vision-impaired users. It’s also helpful for individuals with learning disabilities. The JAWS program provides Braille and speech output for the most common apps used with a PC. You can use JAWS to write a document, surf the web, create presentations, and read an email. Plus, it’s a tool you can use anywhere — when you’re working at home, at the office, or from a remote desktop.
ZoomText screen magnifier and reader
People with low vision can also turn to the screen magnification and reading program ZoomText. This technology is a fully integrated reading and magnification program for low-vision users. It enlarges and enhances everything displayed on the computer screen. Then, it automatically reads out loud your documents, web pages, and email instantly after hovering.
VRS – video relay services
VRS (video relay service) is an option for assisting workers with low hearing. A video relay service is a type of telecommunications relay service provided by the US federal government in all fifty states, Washington DC, and Puerto Rico.
With VRS, people who are hearing impaired communicate with video technologies using sign language instead of typed text. The person in need of assistance contacts the telecommunications relay center, and works with a communications assistant or CA who is certified in American sign language. The CA then calls the person who the user needs to reach out to, relaying messages back and forth between the two parties using American sign language and voice. There are also services like Purple that use top technology and interpreters for improved efficiency and accuracy in VRS communication.
AVA – voice transcription app
The voice transcription app Ava is designed specifically for smartphones and tablets. Your mobile device picks up voices in a conversation, and Ava converts those words into text which shows up on the mobile phone or tablet display. In addition, there’s a keyboard in Ava for deaf and speech-impaired users. The person uses the keyboard to type out what they want to say, and the words are projected through speakers on the phone.
These are just a few of the assistive technologies available today. In addition to technologies for the hard-of-hearing- the speech impaired, or blind / visually impaired which we highlighted here, there are also apps for individuals who are cognitively impaired and for physically disabled individuals.
I am typing out my very first words on a brand new laptop my son paid mostly for. I love it!
So much to do and it is late but just wanted to check in and test out my new computer. It’s a bigger screen but too tired to give it a more thorough look tonight. All my files were transferred and saved on the hard drive. I am so grateful I have a son who is a techy.
Now at last have to share the concert was fabulous!!!! I will be posting pics this week. It was a night of love, dancing and enjoying my favorite artist, Jason Mraz.
Hope ya’ll are doing great. I’m ok but not looking forward to this week with 2 appointments about my possible DID or OSDD (a lesser version non specified), which the latter is what I feel I lean toward. One is an old therapist who knows me but not much about these disorders and my psychiatrist on Friday. We shall see how they go.
I am once again finding out about myself and it is a little scary. This is a different kind of post today because I am once again having an epiphany about my mental health.
But before I begin welcoming you to my mind I want to welcome my new followers with at least one of them being genuine. I so appreciate you all taking the time to read and learn and welcome comments or it seems to be emails is to be preferred. Feel free to reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org . I answer all my emails so far and really love getting to know new people with concern over loved ones with Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective Disorder and now DID disorder which I believe I have had since age 13 or earlier.
What is DID?
“Dissociative identity disorder (DID) was formerly called multiple personality disorder. It is a mental illness that involves disruptions or breakdowns of memory, awareness, identity and/or perception.” from Cleveland Clinic.
I have at least two distinct identities I can identify, one is very happy yet wild and one is very reasonable and disciplined. I can see pictures of me in both identities and it is very real. I struggled a lot as a teenager and I know it was from a very strict controlling environment growing up. PTSD or something like it. That and being adopted and being in three environments as a baby perhaps set it up.
The struggle is real for me though as I really don’t know what to do right now. Thinking about calling my pdoc for an earlier appointment to get diagnosed. Why do I want a diagnosis? For my disability case mainly. And to have someone confirm what I already know. And to get help but the help would be to do more therapy. blah blah blah, been there done that but not with this?????
And how I realized it was from attending those damn mental health groups where one participant had 32 identities! It is good to have an explanation but seriously I am so overwhelmed with grief right now.
My Schizoaffective Disorder is good right now though with the right meds and proper sleep and nutrition.
The worst part is that I don’t want to tell my daughter. I’m embarrassed to have yet again another problem. But it would explain certain things and she has always been wonderful. But my husband! Oh my!
This is weird to admit on here but still not giving up even though it is hard to look up right now.
We can never achieve perfection, so why do I still seek after it elusively? My upbringing? guidance from above and beyond or just plain old inner drive? perhaps it is a combination of the three
I used to be a people pleaser but now I’m like nah I don’t want to go or better yet I love to say “really you don’t want to trust me with this and that whatever”. It lets them know my boundaries and I make no apology.
Now when it comes to being a grandma, well that is an entirely different story. I know and love that they will expect a lot of me, and I pray I do well. Life is precious! How I do pray for this new little one…
I’ve been gardening every day lately. Getting my hands dirty, feeding the soil, planting, watering, and more. Ah it does bring me such joy. I took it to the next level this year researching and bought a cute little journal for gardening notes. I actually tidied up my potting bench I got last year. How I like things tidy.
My laptop will be here soon. For now sharing with my daughters…She will be moving out soon which will be bittersweet. She’ll still be close by though…
Concert next week. Guess who????? My very own Jason Mraz in Orange County drive in! me and my daughter. Will be great.
Got my second vaccine today. Arm sore but no big deal. Very happy for things to get to a new normal and no longer living in fear of getting covid, but still taking the necessary precautions.
Busy week ahead. Lots of errands and an eye appointment and gardening in between. Hope you all have a great week!
Musing today about much, good and bad. It has been a restful day mixed with attempts at activity some of it with completion. I didn’t sleep well, got woken up by the gardener next door. Tired from the hoeing yesterday but did manage to get a few things done in the garden.
I am really negative right now but am fighting complaining. So much good has happened today; daughter got promoted to paralegal in training, started sponsoring an 11 yr old boy in Africa for his education (it’s legit) and ate well, took a power nap, relaxed in the garden, cleaned the kitchen for 20 minutes and made dinner. So why do I feel fucked up in the head?
Could be because I haven’t been attending my mental health groups because a participant with 32 identities triggers my delusions so I have stopped going. They/them are very confusing relating to the topic of the group their struggles with all the identities. Makes me think wow I’m glad don’t have that; but then again maybe I do. Do you see my dilemma?
The support of the groups was nice but unfortunately don’t see another way to get around this huge trigger. I do feel there are two me’s at times, the wild one and the reasonable one. Still seeking the wise one. It is eluding…
All the voices in my mind are calling across the line.
Why does life have to be so hard? I was so happy yesterday but feeling paranoid and slightly delusional today but not psychotic thank goodness.
I feel like I am losing everything, so I plead with God and the Universe for help on this mental health journey. My dad is fading away, dear friends, mental health groups that were promising…
But I choose to be brave and keep going no matter what until I draw my final breath in hopefully many many years.
I comfort myself with becoming a grandma in Oct, a great relationship with my mom and dad, my new child in Africa, the gardening I will do tomorrow afternoon and for no financial stress at the moment.
Struggles with mental health are real my friends. But life is worth living~Justin Bieber love you<3
I am happy today because I made great progress on my garden. Gardening more tomorrow if my body can take it! I am not used to physical labor but had stupendous success today with a hoe and building mounds for my veggies. I have spent $200 so far on plants, edging and soil. Also planning a flower section to keep it pretty and learning about companion planting (which plants work well with each other). So far have asparagus, eggplant, zucchini, chives, tomatillos, peppers and 6 tomato plants (early girl and beefsteak)! I bought early girl tomatoes because my mom is always talking about how they taste the best and they are ready in only 50 days! I am taking extra care with 2 of them because my mom is excited to have some.
My mom is my best friend right now and my daughter too. I am getting used to not having friends after an intense friendship suddenly ended. It is hard to not think grandiose thoughts about it not being God’s will for me to have any close friends. I do have a few casual friends but am thinking that it is best to not have close ones. When I start spending lots of time with a new friend, strange things happen to end the friendship. This has happened since I was diagnosed in 2008. And it hurts so much for both of us when the friendship ends, especially being an empath or hsp (highly sensitive person). I can’t even read comments safely on Facebook because of their negativity affecting me.
I am obsessed with gardening and it takes my mind off of not having friends to hang out with! This is the happiest I have been in a while though so I am gonna ride this wave.
My garden is small but it suits us and it is manageable. I need to relax more out there but once I get out to the side garden I have so much to do but am managing by breaking the work down in small chunks. My daughter helped me weed, which is awesome! But my son who used to love gardening with me when he was young just isn’t interested. I tried to manifest it but it didn’t work. That’s ok though because we have been spending time together which doesn’t always happen.
My kids are 29, 26 and 22 and grandbaby on the way due in October! My daughter is planning to move out by fall so I am planning to dedicate her room into a guest/kid room for my grandchild! Got to see pics of the sonogram; the baby has doubled in size from last month:) And my daughter in law is hoping I will baby sit which I offered when they came to dinner and a movie last night. I offered and she shyly but happily said she was already counting on it.