My twisted side…

So all holds released. I like to numb out. Whatever works. So sad to say that I have been indulging again.

I know my pdoc doesn’t want me to drink but it helps me to feel something. Which is better than nothing.

Not judging this time of release. Just noticing. It doesn’t happen all the time but it is happening now. I feel good. I feel something.

If this is a regret than so be it. Sometimes one needs to feel and right now I feel nothing.

Oh I have better plans for tomorrow but for tonight I will accept the numb. Sorry pdoc. but this is better than therapy to release how I feel for one night.

With open arms and open eyes I’ll be there.

Will this be published?

water over wine, not tonight.

I’m glad I have no boss. but at time s I am still very lost.

What is the answer that I am seeking? I know not. I can only relate that it is good to be numb for a moment. Away from the pain of losing a good friend, my father, my mother. Life is always changing. My daughter is my life. If it weren’t for her I would have given up by now. But she is a ray of sunshine. A ray of hope. Spring wherever she goes she.

I’m gonna be a grandma have i told you yet?

Haven’t been able to reveal this happy news but now is the time. My life is changing as I write. So much happiness right now. A new life. Happiness, love in the air. This is as grand as it gets right?

I must prepare for October. God will surely lead me as He has not let me down yet.

That is all for tonight. More to come tomorrow. Sober days to come as cannot indulge like this every night. Time will make its way to me.

May tomorrow be productive and sober as I begin the life I am meant to live.

peace love light and joy


2 comments on “My twisted side…

  1. ashleyleia says:

    Congrats on the little one on the way!

    Liked by 1 person

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