I basically fake it till I make it to put it simple. I wanted a zen life free from addiction, free from attachment and yet I find myself bare so added back in one removed item today and we shall see.
I feel as if I have lost a dear friend over the last few weeks, at least how we once used to be, very close, very honest with our feelings of fear and insecurity and even better love, so much love…that is all I shall write about it for it hurts too much still, haven’t learnt that lesson yet, very attached still and struggling not to….what? I don’t know what to do to make things right. I feel I will never have a close friend ever again due to the pain it causes them.
Yes, I am feeling special tonight. As if God is playing tricks on me. Solid but yet confused about life. There is so much I could write about this baring my soul more than ever before but I feel closed off to opening up my true feelings, my many questions, my desire to improve my life so much so that I can help others.
Sorry for the scattered thought but this is what you get when I stop blogging for a bit. Soo much has happened over the few weeks which has really knocked me off balance, I found out I’m gonna be a grandma ( I cried when I hear my daughter in law tell me so sweetly, I lost a dear friend due to another impossible situation, I quit drinking, I quit vaping nicotine, I quit eating bad sugar foods, I cut down from a pot or more of coffee a day to one little sad cup. I can’t sleep, I can’t write my Ebooks, but yet there is much I can do still.
Everything is so differnet and I don’t do well with change. Wish me well for it is hard right now but am feeling as if I am being led by God although imperfectly on my part.
That is all tonight. But oh yeah my title, my method to my madness. I watch for signs, pray and take steps in the direction I want to go.