Late night blog…

Hot tea, incense burning, lavender oil on pillow, and hand lotion, music so pretty, winding down for the night but it has been a crazy sort of day…

Melt down, recovering still, must be gentle with myself…

My best friend knows and is praying 🙏

No voices no messages and grateful for that!

I toy with danger at times and last night I got too close to the flames 🔥

Tonight it’s a 180’ turn

Much better and not bored

Good night 💤

Peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

God is love…

And love is everything. In our love for the source of all that is good! Love must permeate my every action and belief.

I believe in an equal world 🌎 for all nations, genders, sexuality or lack thereof, religions, religious and atheists too! And to all who believe in communicating with the dead and God.

Bless you all! Every country, all people!

Namaste peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria

Schizophrenia/ Schizoaffective Disorder Education Part 1…

I am not a medical professional and will not diagnose or treat anyone. This blog is meant to be narrative and educational at the same time. But it is not a substitute for real psychiatric care.

Schizophrenia is the gift I received in April 2006. Schizophrenia is loss of touch with reality. I had rare insights into my condition after 2 years of being psychotic. In 2008, I diagnosed myself with the help of the internet. A few months later my psychiatrist fine-tuned my diagnosis to schizoaffective disorder which is schizophrenia plus depression and other markers.

The years of 2006 and 2008 were full of good and bad memories. I experienced positive symptoms during this time. Positive symptoms are hallucinations( hearing and seeing things that aren’t there) hearing voices, psychotic and delusional. It was a wonderful scary time… Mixed with voices from Jesus and Mary, many messages, but I am getting ahead of myself, let me back up.

There are 3 types of symptoms with schizophrenia, positive (as described above), negative and cognitive symptoms. I will talk more about negative and cognitive symptoms in part 2 of this series.

I have not had positive symptoms for many years. Haven’t heard voices since 2007 but have been delusional as that is the hardest symptom to get rid of. I have written much about these times and will be posting some links soon or feel free to use the search feature located to the left of my title. You might try psychotic, delusional, or negative symptoms for example and a blog will come up that might interest you..

Yesterday celebrated 29 years of marriage to the same man ha ha. And this part of January is the anniversary of getting help at UCLA in 2008, 13 years ago. So lots to celebrate.

More to come so follow me to get the next part to this series. I have a paperwork trail to attend to for some financial stuff so will post part 2 early next week.

Questions are welcome! I am a bit disorganized (cognitive symptom) but not going to let that stop me from trying to help others understand this disorder. Feel free to email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com at my private email with any questions, comments, or to just say hi and if you do be sure to let me know where you are from. I am in California!

Hoping and praying for USA and the whole world!

peace, love light and joy

pax

Victoria

Welcome to my blog! For new readers click here for my brief bio.

Victoria here with a late night blog. I am still holding a vigil for my father who is eating again but is still very weak from lack of food and recovery from covid. It’s been a day mixed with tears, laughter, dancing, singing, cooking, music on repeat and laundry!

Odd sort of day but here I am excited to share some new ideas I have about this blog. Starting tomorrow I will be blogging about what schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder are and my personal experience with the positive, negative and cognitive symptoms. I will explain more in detail and questions are welcomed.

I am calling it Schizophrenia Education and Personal experiences…

I’m excited anyway so till tomorrow.

peace love light and joy

pax

Victoria

Schizophrenia love journey part ?…

I have a disorder, schizophrenia/schizoaffective. I have not had positive symptoms in a long time except for the contact I have with the dead if that counts because it is real and confirmed by others.

Sometimes everything just falls apart. It feels like that today. My dad is at a fork in the road once again. Not eating or drinking anything for a week.

I am not ok. Oh sure I act like I am but the day my dad dies I will fall down in grief. Hopefully I will not be in public because I hate a scene. Like the time when I felt like God was asking me to buy all the spices at the grocery store and I spent $200 to avoid a scene. This reminds me of this.

I am having post psychotic risidual symptoms and I’m not happy. I can’t see my psychiatrist due to new insurance but there isn’t much he could do anyway. I did talk to my grief therapist today and it helped. I also have a lot of people praying for me during this hard time with the inevitable loss of my father, my heart and soul.

I am barely functioning but did manage to make dinner and eat a little with a lot of veggies. Don’t feel like doing much else.

Anyway it is what it is. Lean into it I am told, does this refer to ptsd moments also I ponder tonight.

peace, love light, and joy to all!

pax

Victoria

My theme for 2021…

Where will I spend my energy? that is my theme for this year and every moment of 2021.

Time is not guaranteed so I am reevaluating many aspects of my life and working at maneuvering around obstacles that will always be present but heck I’m not gonna give up!

Today is a good day! It is Sunday so restful day but I already played and lost two games of chess, did hot yoga, switched to tea mid morning from coffee, blogging, organizing my year by months (nothing spectacular), attended part of Mass and now going on walk with daughter!

Music this year so far is George Michael. Rip dear George. He was only 53 when he passed, so young, and I am 51. Time is not guaranteed to anyone…

Make the most of it

peace, love light and joy

pax

Victoria

What does a mentorship look like?…

I have been mentored by many at different stages in my life. Some have passed on, some I outgrew and some are still with me on my journey.

I have offered to be a mentor for anyone on here so just want to explain a little more what that entails. It is free and even if you don’t feel like I’m a good fit, it is good to know what it might look like because I believe we all need one. My current mentor is also my best friend which makes it fun. But I’m always on the prowl to have another.

What does it look like though? It requires the willingness to explore parts of our lives in a non judgemental way. Comparison is discouraged but others who may have a life that is attractive for us can help us to decide what we want our lives to look like.

Some areas that will be explored will be uncovered by asking these sorts of questions.

Where are we stuck?

What are some obstacles?

What are some options?

What would be something that can generate change?

What does your ideal life look like?

What are your strengths?

What do you like?/dislike?

These are just some examples.

My main passions are chess, yoga, walking, all dogs and cats, Italy, meditation, music, gardening, spoiling my children and husband, tidying and organizing.

Now I am not an expert in any of these fields especially chess, novice at best; but I won’t let that stop me from learning more about each and every one of my passions. I’m not going to say this year because I don’t like to make resolutions on Jan 1 but rather every day I work to improve an area.

Now lets talk about mental health in a mentorship. I suffer from schizoaffective disorder and do not have any positive symptoms (hearing voices, seeing things, hallucinations of any sort) and my negative symptoms are at bay thanks to cbd oil I take every day. I do have some cognitive impairments but manage to live a very highly functioning life despite these deficits.

I believe I can be of help to people especially who suffer from schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder because I have suffered so much and am at a really good balanced place now. I have been passively suicidal, hospitalized 3 times (last time was when I tried to return to work and stress caused a relapse) and here I am now 3 years into being on permanent disability and kicking butt and taking names.

I manage my home, along with our other properties. I work 6 days a week but try to blog 7 days a week. I am busy but relax a lot too. There is always room for improvement and I am currently seeking a mentor who is knowledgeable about the metaphysical. I put this out there to the Universe and the Source of all that is good. I expect results manifested…

My ideal life would be one much like I have right now with a few tweaks. Life is a lot like chess; all about strategy.

peace, love, light and joy to you all!

pax

Victoria

Shazam… my best thoughts for 2021…

A world 🌎 of peace, unity and less mental health stigma! I see this for 2021 with January still being hard but great things coming in February 2021!!

The planets will be aligned uniquely all because the Source of all that is good wills it so!

My personal goals matter and so do yours! It’s not about resolutions seriously but rather a way of life with kindness and love and joy at the center of it all near the heart ❤️ of Jesus!

Don’t worry about a thing! Just set your intention every day and watch as it gets manifested. Life is not long enough to do, say and write all that is important.

It’s about discernment. Does my next minute of activity need to be where I am? Or somewhere else? I am willing to help anyone through email correspondence and phone if needed, to help anyone find their purpose in life.

Before making the decision to work with me consider a few things, first are you willing to be open to new possibilities? Or are you content with your life? If you’re not I’m willing to assist.

I am not a therapist but am holding a masters degree in psychology and bachelors in sociology.

I have been diagnosed since 2008 with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, ocd, bipolar tendencies and anxiety. I am stable now for many years and love to connect with others. I saw Russia visited this blog recently! Welcome!

Also Ireland and many countries. Let’s connect!

I can be reached victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

God bless and happy new year!!! 🎊🎆🎈

Pax

Love light and joy

Victoria