Schizophrenia love journey part ?…

I have a disorder, schizophrenia/schizoaffective. I have not had positive symptoms in a long time except for the contact I have with the dead if that counts because it is real and confirmed by others.

Sometimes everything just falls apart. It feels like that today. My dad is at a fork in the road once again. Not eating or drinking anything for a week.

I am not ok. Oh sure I act like I am but the day my dad dies I will fall down in grief. Hopefully I will not be in public because I hate a scene. Like the time when I felt like God was asking me to buy all the spices at the grocery store and I spent $200 to avoid a scene. This reminds me of this.

I am having post psychotic risidual symptoms and I’m not happy. I can’t see my psychiatrist due to new insurance but there isn’t much he could do anyway. I did talk to my grief therapist today and it helped. I also have a lot of people praying for me during this hard time with the inevitable loss of my father, my heart and soul.

I am barely functioning but did manage to make dinner and eat a little with a lot of veggies. Don’t feel like doing much else.

Anyway it is what it is. Lean into it I am told, does this refer to ptsd moments also I ponder tonight.

peace, love light, and joy to all!

pax

Victoria

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