Protective factors preventing suicide from my schizophrenia…

feeling very low today…but promised to post this in the am and it is 11:57 so have 3 minutes my time ha ha

My daughter and boys are my main protective factors. They need me and I need them. Especially my adult daughter who is doing really well right now, a serious boyfriend, a new job in her field, might be starting law school next year…I made a crystal life grid for her and I really think it is working. She is such a blessing to me and I just love and like her so much. Oh she can be annoying too but I much prefer when she is home even if I am tired of her. She brings life wherever she goes and she is gone today at her new job.

Tonight I am supposed to hang out with my husband. He is a protective factor. I think we are soulmates if one believes in them.

The thought of suicide is enticing today but because of these people and of course my mom and dad, sister and brother, pups and some family that I am close too and the fact they would be so sad if I took my own life. Wouldn’t, couldn’t wont be that selfish.

I am really fucked up today

but tomorrow will come and I will have to busy myself with something instead of just reflecting on how much I want to be with God and no longer suffer.

Having schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder is to me the hardest thing in the world. The negativity, the stigma, the lack of support from others when if one has cancer everyone rallies around but with mental health it is so different.

I CANNOT FIX THIS PROBLEM

but may others who sympathize and empathize with the mentally disordered do the necessary work. and prayer please from me and all of you reading this now. can i get an amen?

heres to better days

pax

victoria

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