Events can be powerful…

My time in NY was filled with various emotions. And today being 9/11 it is fitting that I have been writing about my time of homelessness in NYC. I often do that, write about something that I don’t connect until later. Such a sad day.

My time in NYC taught me a lot; not to take for granted that God has my back, not putting myself in dangerous positions anymore and to forgive myself for the things I did when I was pretty much insane.

My mom thinks that I had schizophrenia all my life or at least since 8th grade but I am not so sure about that really. I rebelled and ran away first to AZ and then to NYC. I was an atheist and did not want to live one more minute with my controlling parents. I was ready to see the world.

In fact I did, I visited Rhode Island and Philadelphia, New Jersey and much of New York. It was fun seeing these new places but I have no desire to return, even though I do in my dreams.

I was hoping for a release of something by writing about it and it did help.

I must fight negative thoughts about the time in my life when I didn’t give a flying fuck about anything. I must forgive and try to forget to make room for positive experiences even though not traveling at all right now.

It may have been prodomal symptoms at age 13-20 but who can say for sure. Once I started having children, I gave up my crazy life for the most part and really settled down. But then after getting really religious, I was given the gift of schizophrenia at age 36, so that is a long time in between to wait for the schizophrenia to arrive I think at least.

When did your symptoms begin? OR is it hard to narrow down like mine. Hoping for some feedback.

Feel free to email me at: victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com with any comments on this or any topic,

As usual

pax

Victoria

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