Deep talks…

It is not every day that one finds someone they can talk to about all their weirdness…

I have found someone, actually my closest friend who lost her husband a few months ago, not to covid. I go to her house two times a week now and help her out with her house which is my sanctuary now.

I guess there should be a caveat to this blog.

Along my path of recovery from schizophrenia, I have had several friends who I thought were supposed to be in my life, but then God quickly sometimes slowly removed them. This is really hard because I miss them. I’m not sure why God does this but a while ago after my friend’s husband passed, my car broke down right after I turned on her street. I took this as a sign that I was supposed to spend the evening there. Now that I am going twice a week and God allows it, it is to great benefit that I get to go. I am afraid that spending too much time with her may cause God to end our friendship as has happened many times already.

So her home is up on a hill in a countryside. It is away from everything and when I get to go there I am always so moved by being able to help her out and our time spent on the sofa talking about deep things is priceless…

We learn so much from both of each other and there are often tears and laughs as we process life’s events.

Yesterday I really opened up to her about my last 20 years. A prophet had warned me that I was in for a hard time to put it mildly.

20 years ago, I became Catholic, lost many friends because of this, prayed to be able to suffer for God, was given the gift of Schizophrenia, became spiritual friends with a priest, left the Catholic faith recently, and now am on my own sort of spiritual journey or quest. Mix in there raising 3 kids, marital hardship and bliss and so much more as we all have a lot.

I was so mentally exhausted after sharing with her the progression of events from 2000 that my face hurt from talking so much. I have not opened up to anyone like this in a very long time. I love deep conversations though so this was great but exhausting.

I hate chitchat. Boring, superficial, a complete waste of time. Let me waste my own time on my phone. Even fiction bores me. But give me a book on Gandhi and I’m good.

I’m all over but this is my blog so there is no judgement hopefully. I don’t have a boss except for God and He continues to guide me. I have even started another blog about my spiritual journey with mainly alchemist. I will post the website soon but want to clean it up. But feel free to email me if you’re interested.

Pax

Victoria

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