Still looking up…

“We give and we give and we give but we don’t give up” Jason Mraz

I’m glad to be alive he sings and I agree.

After a very hard week last week, I am still sifting through my emotions and happenings and today I bought a small bouquet of flowers 💐 for me! It cheered me up.

I have also met my goal of getting more fit! Day one complete! Gardened, cooked and housework too! Coffee and vitamin b keep me going and my shaklee!

My life is so different now!

I am a giver though so it is hard right now to not visit my dad at his rest home. But setting up a FaceTime call with him thanks to the help of the chaplain 🙏

So back to my original thoughts on looking up. Where else can I look?

To the heavens!

I hope you are all well and doing ok during this pandemic. Welcome China! And all countries!

May the best of your days be the worst of your tomorrow’s- Jason again ha ha! It is a Jason night!

Peace to all!

Pax

Victoria

New goals…

I want a change of pace in my life.

Now that I am no longer a couch or chair potato, I am looking inward and outward at my life and finally figuring out what I want to do with the next 50 years!

I am 50 now and feeling so much like my life is finally becoming what I have always wanted. I’m not talking about material things but along with the inward work I am trying harder to take care of the things that I have and because of covid I am becoming more resourceful.

First off I want to get fit, but first start with gaining stamina. My kids put together a home gym in an old shed so tomorrow I am putting my plan into action by doing a few circuits with the guidance of my very own personal trainer (daughter). I am really excited.

I get weak and dizzy at times and can’t work for long hours so it seems like something I must do. I want to be like Jack La-lane and be in good health till the day I die.

I will only do this if I start pretending I am training for a triathlon or something like that. It is the only way I will get to a better place really. I throw myself into whatever I am doing…always have, always will.

I do know a few things about myself but much is still a mystery. I don’t know how I got to this place but no matter it is where I am and I am growing stronger each day mentally which is pretty darn exciting.

My husband and I had a major tiff the other day and I was considering divorce. But he knew just what to say to get back in my heart. It brought up much self doubt….

I am a child of God keeps coming up for me. We all are.

Working on my negative self talk. Today my daughter told me a story about a friend of hers who would mess up and instead of calling herself dumb or stupid (like I did which brought up her telling her the story) she would say “I love me”. I don’t know if I can do that yet because I hate when I mess up. But it did teach me to be kinder to myself. A work in progress we all are.

I have decided to study alchemy, being an empath, and succulents. I love that there are three new things in my life that I am learning about. The number three is important to me because of the Trinity. Even though I am not Catholic I still believe in the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I cannot deny this but do not judge other religions the way I used to.

These are my ramblings for the evening!

Have a great night, morning or afternoon!

This site has been visited lately by Canada, China, USA and I think I remember the Philippines. Yay! I love that other people in other parts of the world visit my blog!

Peace to all of you! Stay safe, stay strong and get help if you are in any distress.

You can always email me at: victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

Lastly, anybody else checked out the schizophrenia forum? I found it recently and have found it to be quite interesting and very interactive in a non threatening way. You can check it out here

pax

Victoria

Solutions for negative symptoms of schizophrenia…

Tonight I updated my sticky page of my blog talking about the negative symptoms of schizophrenia if anyone is interested click here.

Today was another great day. Yesterday was not. Feeling a little lost due to my recent departure from the Catholic church. But God is good! and today I restarted my spiritual practice to set an intention before or after an activity for a person or the country or the world. It is my prayerful way that I am now. and i find myself content…

Sold my first shaklee today, woo hoo. I just want other people to feel as good as I do. She didn’t suffer from schizophrenia though and the negative symptoms but had a stroke a couple of years ago and suffers from mental decline and memory loss. I truly hope it helps her…

Anyway it is late and as always contact me with any questions/comments at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

pax

Victoria

Don’t run I tell myself…

The minute things get hard I run or want to anyway.

When I was little I ran away from my friends when they hurt my feelings, I ran away from home several times. I grew up in California and still do live there, I ran away to Arizona, New York and anywhere I could think to be away from internal problems that manifested externally.

I ran last night.

I felt cornered, like there was no way out other than the difficult decision to do something that would change my life and the lives of many…

But God intervened and my mind was set to ease after a long evening with my best friend, a good night’s sleep and a text from my husband, which made everything ok. two words changed my decision…and he knew…

Marriage is hard enough but add to it all that is going on in the world along with my own interior battles having a mental health disorder makes it even harder.

Who is sick of quarantining? Me

A lot of good has come out of it. But I miss the days when I could sit in my sister’s kitchen and drink a glass of wine. I miss so much as I am sure all of you do too.

Just saying

So major life change diverted. I credit it to God, who alone knows what I need. I finally got honest with my husband today about a few things. We are starting with a clean plate, almost. One more last thing. Save it for another day.

A lot has transpired over the last few weeks.

Got tested for covid because I was having symptoms. But they were negative after 5 days waiting for the test results.

The energy in the world is very active right now.

I am getting paranoia with going out, but with good reason right?

I am rambling.

I am tired.

I pray for all of you to be safe, strong as you can and in the peace of a loving and forgiving God…

pax

Victoria

We are brave…

Say what you want to say fellow bloggers! We are brave because we keep going day after day and mental health disorders suck! and then some of us blog about it, which is helpful for readers and bloggers, at least I am inspired when I blog and read others blogs, with the sweat and tears at times!

We are all at a different place with our disorders, and some of us are loved ones of someone with a disorder, or just interested in the functioning of the brain.

We are all brave, each day we wake up, take our meds or not, and keep going, despite what life throws at us. If you are reading this you are one of these brave ones. And if you know someone who is not online that has a mental disorder, tell them. You are brave.

Life has so many unanswered questions~ Jason Mraz

says along with that life is weird, he says it twice and it is true.

My mantra used to be “Never give up” and I still think it but I am at the point where I am so full of love and hope and joy, although not every day is great like today, that I have changed my mantra to “I am brave” and if you really want to be inspired listen to Sarah Bareilles belt out the words that help me keep going…

“I want to see you, I just want to see you, I want to see you be brave”

~Everybody’s been there, been stared down by the enemy

which for me is brain dysfunction. I have had my days where I felt like I was losing….

but then I reached out to someone who cared for me and helped me get the help I needed.

Now I have a team of support, God (He’s the best) who gave me the best daughter one could ask for, a husband who cares for me deeply despite his misconceptions with mental disorders, wonderful imperfect parents who gave me life, two awesome sons and a daughter in law and one best friend among many friends, well does four count? A therapist I get to see for free because my dad is on long term hospice, my psychiatrist I have had since being diagnosed (2008), and a brain that still works with defects at times. Wow! I am blessed and don’t deserve such a good life, but I’ll take it and count my blessings, while being brave because I need them all in my life, until they go away, and then I adapt and move on.

Life is much more simple these days. Been getting rid of a lot of things but there is always more…

I also need to be alone a lot every day, anyone else?

Hope you had a good restful Sunday!

Pax

Victoria

You really did it…

Life is about choices really:)

I choose life today over the opposite…

I try to not think about that much these days if at all although I do want to be with God one day…

But not now – no- I have so much to live for, my loved ones and I try to do good..

I perceive that much of what I try to do as failures but am going to turn it around and think rather they are mistakes that I have learned from.

And I am constantly learning, that was a joke but truth in every joke.

I hope you all are doing well.

I had a bug this week but was still productive. Got tested for covid but whatever it was went away after I armed myself with Shaklee my latest obsession.

I just can’t believe that I am so productive even when I was not feeling well this week. I credit it to what I have been talking about with brain health month here on mypersonalrecoveryfromschizophrenia blog since 2013!

Mental acuity plus by Shaklee. You can check this out on my Shaklee brain health support website here and click on shop and order it. But it is backordered still sadly… hope I don’t run out, going to start taking one a day (currently taking two and see a difference from one) just in case.

I am working now again as a property manager for several properties. Only 6 hours a week max so fitting it in along with managing the house, family and me!

God is good!

pax

Victoria

Telepsych medicine observations…

Here is my story with telepsych~

When Covid-19 hit and I was forced into doing all my mental health appointments on video, I was like no big change because I am doing so well right now. But I was sadly disappointed in the appointments after a while because it just wasn’t the same as in person.  This was a gradual observation that the visits were brief and I wasn’t sharing all I wanted to with my psychiatrist which I have seen now for 12 years!
I really struggled with what I perceived to be a lack of solid mental health care especially when I found out that my office which is an hour away would not be opening up anytime soon, due to the small waiting room not conducive to covid-19 and many mental health practitioners on site.
So after my last appointment which lasted maybe 10 minutes and feeling dissatisfied, I racked my brain and prayed how I can make this work and I realized these few things~
First, I decided to share with my psychiatrist my dissatisfaction not in his service but in the lack of my ability to share with him my going-ons. 
I also realized that I wasn’t prepping for my appointments which I used to do on the hour drive to his office and then taking time driving home afterward to reflect on any changes or insight he had into my mental state. So I went back to making a list and checking it twice! 
I also took the morning to prep myself to share with him all on my list and took some time afterwards to reflect on his observations.
The result was amazing!  I felt much better about continuing in this fashion long-term and will continue to take my mental health more seriously because as we all know stress especially in these unprecedented times can cause a decline rapidly for me and others and now I know what I need to do to make this work.

I think of others who are not doing well or just starting to get treatment and feel so bad for them that they can’t do in person appointments when so much might be missed through telepsych medicine.  Body language and trust building come to mind as downfalls to telepsych.

Feel free to ask any questions and comments are always welcome!

I can be reached at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

pax

Victoria

Negative symptoms solutions…

Dear readers,

Welcome to my blog (first published in 2013) which journals my road to almost complete recovery from schizophrenia since diagnosed in 2008. For my brief bio click here.

This month I want to talk about what is least understood by many, the negative symptoms of Schizophrenia, which can cause poor quality of life in many. Loss of motivation, previous things that gave pleasure don’t please, lack of focus and attention to detail and there’s more but these are the main ones that have affected me. For a great article on negative symptoms click here.

Since my bio was written though I have had another breakthrough with new supplements I have been taking for over 6 months and have seen amazing results! See my story below especially if you suffer from low motivation, energy and focus. For proof of how far I have come taking it check out my May series 2020!

Now to my new transformation story~

I have suffered from lack of motivation, energy and the ability to do more than just sit in my chair and do nothing ever since I stopped working in 2015 due to stress which has caused me to relapse before. 3 hospitalizations since 2006 isn’t too bad I think anyway.

Don’t have positive symptoms like delusions or voices anymore and I know that is because of my psych meds which I take along with supplements now and together they help me to be recovered as much as one can be from schizophrenia.

I was barely able to get the basics done. I have always found comfort in having a tidy and clean house; but my daughter used to clean the house for me up till recently. I just didn’t do it or if I did it was quick and without attention to detail. 

And the gardens, I would get them going for a while then let it go due to lack of energy and motivation.  Life sucked. 

I felt really bad about not getting anything done all day especially since I don’t work anymore due to my disability and how my husband would complain.  I would rotate from being on my phone in my meditation room, to the kitchen table where I sit now on my laptop and if I blogged I felt like I had had a productive day.  Gardens lay in disarray and I accepted the fact I thought that I would never do more than this the rest of my life…

Well, now the good part!  I started a new supplement regimen last year, adding Vitamin B-12 sublingual for energy ($4 at walmart), which my daughter now takes too and we both have noticed our energy levels increased since starting it. 

I also take Goterpy CBD oil full spectrum, which has helped with the delusions and stress.  It has also helped me to quit one of my vices… 

And then in Feb of this year 2020, I started taking and now selling Shaklee Mental Acuity Plus for memory and focus and motivation.  It started helping me right away be in charge of my life once again. 

If you are interested in taking this product consider buying it from me. I will help you out personally and I’m thinking about starting a facebook group for new users to journal about their transformation too, specifically persons with schizophrenia. Anyway email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com and I will send you the link to my website and to the product that I am so wishing I had taken sooner.

To read more about how it has affected me during this pandemic continue below if you’re still with me.

Then the pandemic hit whoa!!! And I was forced to be at home all day and thanks to my regimen I found myself thriving at last despite the world’s current chaos.  My house is cleaner and tidier than ever, my gardens are expanding nicely and my focus, memory and attention to detail are sharper each day. I do take a good lay down nap every day and rest on Sundays.

I am content at last although the work never ends in the garden or home because it is like life- it never stops changing, shifting, growing, dying, giving beauty and food for the family!  I still sit in my chair but only in the mornings and evenings now.  I pay more attention to detail of inner work (spiritual) and external (house and gardens, bills etc.…).  I cook dinner mostly every night where before it was occasional and I do the dishes before bed every night.  Life is good so I have to share.

I believe the combination of these three supplements are what are contributing to my well-being.  I don’t blog as much anymore because I am too busy with all my projects to sit and write.  I do keep a journal though so I am still writing, just not for the world as much anymore.

A portion of all my profits will be donated to my favorite non-profit CureSZ.  And I will gladly support you along the way via email or phone! I want to really help others feel as great as I do.

Email me with any comments or questions you may have about any of these products at: victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

Peace to all!

Pax

Victoria

Hello from the other side…

I must have called a thousand times.

Hard week for sure! Anniversary of my dad’s stroke, 4 years as of July 2, 2020. And he still blesses me…

That is our song by Adele, Hello. I do not have him with me in the same way anymore but we still have a strong connection and always will…

No more words on that.

I have decided I am no longer Catholic. 20 years wasted but it was the course I thought I was supposed to be on.

I love Jesus…

nothing more other than I am a child of God as we all are. In my Father’s house there is a place for me…

With that I shall leave you.

Good night my readers and visitors.

May the peace of the Triune God be with you all!

And may you find peace in Jesus also…

pax

Victoria