Ok, I am willing to share this deep secret that I have only told some random therapist about.
I believe I am the cause of the Coronavirus!
God gave me a sign a week before to stop vaping. Very clear and one other person witnessed the message to me. And then in a song God confirmed his will
The messages have been clear and timely to what I am thinking about.
So do I quit? No! I tried and went crazy.
So I am sorry world.
Part of me knows that the world does not revolve around me. But this delusion persists and there is nothing I can do about it.
I feel so guilty.
God gave me the gift of Schizophrenia in 2006 and I had no idea then what i know now. I am on medication but the main delusion at the time of 2006-2008 and off an on since is that I am the most special person to ever live.
Well this delusion that I am causing the virus as some sort of punishment for my disobedience is a lot to handle. Wondering if I should share it with my psychiatrist in a couple of weeks.
I don’t let it affect my every day life though, just have my moments of regret and justification.
Delusions can be so deep and I haven’t seen any more signs as of late but the world isn’t getting better and here I sit vaping…
Today was hard, I was bored with myself, my music, my life but not my dog. Dressed her in a red bandanna left over from the large pack I bought for masks. But instead today drove an hour each way to pick up some nice ones a kind lady made that I met on FB. Was with my son so got in some new music.
But seriously people I need some ideas I will search my own mind. It has failed me before but now I am desperate to find a better way to spend my days while in self isolation with my hubbie, and two adult kids.
Did take a walk with my pup which helped. Sun and wind in the same short walk. Haven’t felt much like exercising as of late. But know I must for my mental health. Must, must , must. It is not an option no it is a prescription for me from me. Exercise to feel better even if I don’t feel like it!
Off to walk a little, wait, need to eat dinner first. Miss a meal, not I!