Dear readers,
I am in a cross in the roads right now. Life has been crazy and I have been swept up in the busyness of keeping up with my house and soon the gardens,
I haven’t been writing much at all. I just don’t feel like it.
Life is hard; Life is easy when I accept all that happens to me and just keep on keeping on.
An old friend reached out to me the other day and I was surprised to hear from wags and his questions to me and the answers I haven’t provided yet have caused me to think.
I don’t work, permanent disability, I don’t write, books didn”t sell. What do I do with my time? I visit my frail parents at extended care and visit with my friends I have made there.
I clean my house because I feel better with a tidy house. But today is Sunday so I am taking a break from the house to write. I don’t feel like I am a very good writer though. It is so hard to express what I feel and I have a great idea sometimes and getting it out on paper is like tweaking, unpredictable.
So I will try if you have made it this far to get my thoughts out here.
I am in love with God although I don’t go to Mass anymore or receive the sacraments. Just where I am and don’t feel bad.
I don’t work but keeping up with my frail parents is a part time job and I enjoy it although today I took the day off from visiting them. I really needed a break and my sister is picking up the slack and telling me to go have fun.
I take supplements for energy, and relaxation sometimes bouncing between the two.
Relaxing is hard these days and to be completelty honest I enjoy keeping up the house so the relaxation is harder for me but today I am just resting.
Delusions are pretty much gone. All that remains is the negative symptoms. I take CBD oil go terpy and it helps immensely with all the stress.
Finances are bleak right now…. that is all I will say about that.
I received two jury summons in the same week. Federal and local. I had to get a note from my doctor to excuse me and in the comments I had to write that I am not one who should be making judgements, sound. That was hard because I wonder sometimes how I m going to get through each day being led by God in a usual way not super connected right now but still praying and coming closer to God in a less extreme way.
WEll I did it, got some thoughts out here where I remain anonymous. Hiding behind my pseudo name. Now time to take more supplements and yes I am going to tidy my house.
Hope you all are doing ok. I am just ok and that has to be enough.
Pax
Victoria
