A response to a University student request to share what it is like to have Schizophrenia…

Living with Schizophrenia is extremely difficult at times and in my case has been confusing and heartbreaking.  I have lost my ability to work outside the home and am riddled with thoughts of my psychotic days and what it all means.  I remember the precise moment I was given the gift of Schizophrenia and from that point my life changed drastically.  I heard the voices of God and Mary and when nothing worked out according to what the voices directed I knew it was mental illness not a special connection with God which is very hard to accept.  I take a lot of medication every morning and every night which helps me to function but I suffer so much and few people understand.  I am currently awaiting permanent disability to come through which I have been waiting for a year and a half without an income which adds to the stress of my already bleak situation.  STress is my worst enemy and I have actually relapsed into psychotic behavior again due to stress so I avoid it at all costs.  But I take care of my elderly and frail parents which is rewarding but has its challenges as well.  Exercise helps sometimes and some days I walk ten miles to just feel better and fight off the moods of depression.  My full diagnosis is Schizoaffective Disorder bipolor type which basically means I suffer from Schizophrenia plus depression alternating between mania and depression.  I also suffer from anxiety which is worse when I try to work.  So that is my illness in a nutshell.  I have hope some days more than others that I will be able to continue on and be there for my family at least…  I have three amazing children, a husband I adore and who provides for me as best he can and my parents whom I love with all my heart all of them.  Some days I have more hope than others so that is good when that happens.  I also have a therapist who is wonderful, a few good friends and two awesome dogs who help me when my mood of despair hits hard which lately has been more often.  



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