I have been touting the benefits of exercise so much but what to do when one can’t exercise due to weather, illness or busyness? Take today for instance, I am home sick with a virus and binge watching Call the Midwife on Netflix and reading and unable to get in my usual miles of walking or my other exercises. I feel absolutely helpless again…
I have been using exercise as a distraction from my emotions which still come just less often when I am exercising. This is a tremendous realization and I am meeting my emotions with grace where before I ran from them through drugs and alcohol. I don’t have to run anymore….
So I am watching Ted talks, reading uplifting stories about people who have struggled with mental illness and are doing well, blogging, eating a little, listening to Christina Perri and trying very hard to not feel sorry for myself. LIfe is good, I am just sick at the moment and will be able to get back to my exercise again which helps so very much!
I still have Schizoaffective Disorder and even though the positive symptoms have subsided, the negative symptoms still affect me greatly especially at times like this when I don’t have the endorphins at my service when I exercise. I have almost 3 months off of pot and alcohol which is great to be living life sober once again.
So much has happened in these three months. I have had a lot of time to reflect on my feelings of inadequacy from having a very critical mother, being adopted, and growing up feeling unloved. I am seeing a therapist again and it is very helpful to dig in to areas of my life which are untouched.
We all have them, times in our life when we felt disconnected and that occurred for me when I was abusing pot and alcohol. Now that I am sober and in recovery I am meeting my emotions and accepting them for what they are and guess what? It isn’t that bad. Oh the feelings are very deep and there have been many tears, smiles and everything in between. But it is all worth it on this journey of recovery which will never end.