The ups and downs of Schizoaffective Disorder

Life is like a roller coaster some days and other days I have tremendous peace.  Today I was in between, neither cold or hot.  I felt unorganized when I tried to bake some banana nut muffins but they came out good and I got the kitchen cleaned up.

I do feel quite a bit unorganized lately but am in the middle of many projects, taxes (blech!), a refinance for one of our rentals that I have to do so much for to save some serious money every month so I suppose it is worth it but the broker keeps asking for things, it is like a scavenger hunt each time I get an email from her!

Keeping up healthy eating takes time too and exercise has again become my daily friend for three weeks now!  Today I did a core challenge and my abs are sore in a good way:)  I am more motivated now than ever before to get rid of these last 25 pounds that I put on because of this disorder.  I have lost 30 so far so that is great and I am managing to keep it off but it takes a lot of work!!!!

I joined an art class too; although I am not much of an artist but needed a fun hobby in between hospital visits for my dad, helping my mom and worrying about my youngest son which I will get to in a minute.  We are actually working with pewter and although it is a bit tedious I am finding it relaxing and enjoyable when I am in the mood to work on it.  The sketches are hard for me though because I am a perfectionist and no matter how hard I try I can’t get what is in my mind out on paper.  But I am proud of myself for venturing out and taking a class and at least trying to be more creative.

As for my son- he just turned 18 and has mental health issues but not psychotic, more severe depression.  He can’t get and keep a job yet, couldn’t finish high school (recently got his GED), his car died so he uses mine or walks or bikes it, missed the registration for college so isn’t in school now.  He is saying he wants to go to a 4 year out of state but can’t even manage his life living with his parents. Oh my!  How much I pray for him every day and worry way too much about him.  I try to help him out but he just has a mind of his own.

The good news though is that now that he is an adult he is seeing my amazing psychiatrist who prescribed Wellbutrin and is keeping him on Prozac which he has taken for years.  I have hope that it will work and help his motivation.  Every day he sleeps in till 1 or 2 pm and just isn’t motivated to do the things he needs to do as an adult.  My other two children don’t have mental disorders like him and are supporting themselves so I guess two out of three children aren’t bad.  I just see his future and he is so bright and smart that I hope he can find his niche in life and not have to be supported by his parents the rest of his life.  He even talked about the army but they won’t take him because of the psych meds so yet another blow.  Thank goodness he isn’t suicidal…

So back to me,  I need to blog more it really helps me to vent about this disorder.  I do so much for others and managing a house is a full time job.  The work is never done.  I do feel stressed at times and other times it is smooth sailing.  I probably need to see a therapist again but don’t have the money but may just decide to do it anyway.  My mental health is very important to me and lately I wonder how well I am really dealing with everything.  I just don’t think about it most of the time and that’s probably not a good thing.

Thanks if you read this far.  I hope my readers are all doing well, staying positive despite this dastard disorder that robs us of our joy so much of the time.

Pax

Victoria

 

 

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