Going to finish my book!

Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate it and to those of you who don’t Happy Thursday (I am stealing this from another blog I read today because I think it is cool!)

As of right now I have stopped searching for work, some financial help has arrived, so I am going to be dedicating 2 hours a day to finish my latest book.  The title appropro is “Finding fulfillment not working”.  I have already written several chapters so I am going to reread them and then go for it!  I will let you all know my progress as it comes.  I am excited to finish this book for many reasons.

Today I woke up in a really good mood and realized that I am the author of my life.  God has my back but it is up to me to make the necessary changes to those parts of my life which are either out of balance or that I am unhappy with.  No one is going to do this for me, no, I will repeat that- no one is going to do it for me.  I have to make the change I wish to see in the world as Gandhi wrote so eloquently when he was alive!

Pax

Victoria

Advertisements

New medicine is working great!

 

Well I am happy to report that the new anti-anxiety medication is helping already.  Once again medicine and my awesome psychiatrist have saved the day!

My anxiety is much less and I feel like I could possibly work at a low stress job but I am not rushing into anything.  If we didn’t need the money I wouldn’t even bother but I am still waiting for permanent disability to kick in.  Since I got fired from my last job that will help my case and hopefully will speed things up.

What is really helping right now is my walking and work outs at the gym!  I took the day off from exercise yesterday and could feel the difference mentally.  I am like many people I need to fight my depression with medicine and movement!

Nothing is easy right now but I am pushing through and getting things done anyway despite how I feel.  I will make it to the gym today even if it is in the afternoon.  I am excited about using some of the new machines that staff showed me on Saturday and because it is cold outside I am going to use the treadmill to get my miles in and use inclines to get a more intense work out!

Surrounding myself with positive people and inspirational quotes helps a lot too lately.  I have a few good friends on FB who really post some neat things and I get a lot out of them and other things I read online on blogs and other sources.

I am just happy that the anxiety has left.  Mentally I feel more with it and more motivated to keep my house in order.  Having this disorder means so many things but I will not give up.  Every journey starts with a single step and I am putting my best foot forward to make a difference in my life and that of others.  Being charitable is hard when one is down but I try to help others as often as I can and it does help with my mood too.

The really great thing is that I am not psychotic right now despite the stress at my last job.  I don’t want to be psychotic ever again.  I want to be sober all the time and don’t even drink.  I do use nicotine lozenges throughout the day but don’t see myself giving them up anytime soon and do smoke a few cigs here and there..

My journey has brought me thus far; it is amazing the progress I have made and I hope that I can encourage others who also suffer from Schizoaffective Disorder.

Pax

Victoria

p.s. write anytime, I see I have some new followers, thank you for your interest.  Drop me a line anytime and share your story too… We all matter.  I blog a lot about how I am doing but as I see others check out my blog I wonder your story too and hope that my blog has made a difference in someone’s life other than my own!

 

 

Doing better again…

 

Nothing has really changed that much with my life, my dad is still dying and I am still unable to work but with the good support of family and friends I feel much better about all that is going on.  I am especially grateful to God for so many things.  I have new hope in the future.  Financial doings are even looking up so that is great especially at holiday time.  My daughter is coming home for Christmas so we both decided to decorate early this year.  My tree will be trimmed tomorrow evening and my daughter already has hers done!

I fill my days with pleasurable activities, shopping a little, coffee a lot and eating out with friends.  Walking 5 miles a day every day almost.  Took today off because it is Sunday though.

Anxiety is better at last.  I have several ways I relieve my anxiety naturally and as long as I maintain those things I am ok.

The Schizoaffective Disorder is under control because I take my anti-psychotics daily (2 kinds) and take good care of my physical health.  I exercise, sleep 8-9 hours every night, eat right 80% of the time and maintain contact with friends and family I choose to talk to.

I have lost 38 of the 50 pounds I gained when newly diagnosed.  I am happy where I am at and if I lose more I lose more.

I have accepted the fact that I may never work again.  Permanent disability is probably what I will end up on.  Se la vida.

Pax

Victoria

 

Not doing well…

 

Since getting fired I have been trying to keep a chin up and accept my limitations to be able to work and have tirelessly tried to deal with this anxiety.  I await disability to view my situation and it helps that I got fired, but it still be another half year prior to settling.

I smoke and chew nicotine lozenges endlessly throughout the day.  But I am managing my house and cooking for my mom and son and me.  I shower but unwillingly.

I suppose I should call my doctor but when he tried to change my anti-anxiety medication I had terrible side effects and had to discontinue its use.  Afraid to try anything else.

I am not suicidal which is good because sometimes it does get to that but I want to live and just struggle to get through each day.

But I will not give up!

Pax

Victoria

Research study opportunity

-BEGIN ANNOUNCEMENT—–

California State University San Marcos

You are Invited to Participate in an Online Research Study

Scale Validation Survey (IRB Code Number: 893513-1)

A new scale is being developed for people with various psychiatric diagnoses including depression and borderline personality disorder. The purpose of this online study is to test the validity of the scale among people from diverse backgrounds. It is hoped that this work will lead to further research and potential clinical applications. This online survey will involve completing a series of questions for approximately less than 45 minutes.

You must be at least 18 years old, fluent in English, a resident of the United States, and diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder to participate. You are not eligible to participate if you participated in our recent interview study.

To participate in this online research study, please visit:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/FV7MTFL

To learn more about this research study, please contact the researcher, Stephanie Price (price049@cougars.csusm.edu), or the advisor, Dr. Heike Mahler (hmahler@csusm.edu).

—–END ANNOUNCEMENT—–

Got fired from my sales job

Well folks,

The times are not good but are starting to look up.  I was fired on Halloween, thank you very much but it isn’t a good fit I was told.  It was very stressful and caused me a lot of anxiety and I wonder if I can work at any job.  I will keep trying though.  Still not giving up…

Pax

Victoria