Not psychotic but not doing well…

Ever since my dad’s stroke I have been slowly deteriorating and it is painful to watch since I had made so much progress of recent with a healthy lifestyle.  I am just so sad that I don’t have my dad the way I used to and my mom is needing help too and I feel so stretched thin.  I go to visit my dad at extended care twice a day, once with my mom so we can walk around the grounds in between visits and once at night so I can try to connect with my dad alone.  It sometimes works, sometimes not.

When I am not at the extended care I am sitting at my computer staring again.  I am not psychotic, almost wish I was, more interesting, no I take that back, I don’t want to be psychotic again, that can be scary.  I am just depressed.  My pdoc wants me to see a therapist but no money for that.  I have support but get tired of complaining so I just say I am ok, but I am not.  Not doing the things I previously enjoyed.  Just sit sit sit, click click click.  Not bored just feeling useless.

The other thing is that I have to start looking for a job next week.  My state disability ends next month so it is back to work I go and nothing glamorous mind you, no, we are talking minimum wage low stress job.  I have a degree but will not mention that on my applications.

Here is to better days….

Pax

Victoria

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2 comments on “Not psychotic but not doing well…

  1. Keep up the good fight, hope things start looking up soon.

  2. Elliot Broad says:

    Hmm..! Good planing you are doing for your future. After job you should go to your doctor regularly. May GOD help you in your problem.

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