My house is half decorated, no gifts have been bought, and trying to get in the mood to write Christmas cards. I could use the excuse that I am putting it off because of my disorder but I think that would be oversimplifying the real reason is because my daughter is usually the one who helps me the most and without her around I am just not in the mood.
The good news is that she comes home for two weeks next week and I know I will be more in the mood. I miss her so much, her laugh, her determination to get things done, our long walks, our long talks. We text every day and talk once a week but it just isn’t the same as having her here.
I try not to be selfish as she is fulfilling her dreams being in Colorado. She has a new boyfriend who I am sure she will share all about him when she is here and school is going really well. I am so proud of her but the truth is that I don’t do well with her being gone although I will not tell her that. I don’t believe in guilting her to come home as tempting as that may be. I tell her I miss her and that I am doing good most days but the truth is that having her around really helps my condition. I don’t share with too many people how much I suffer still from this disorder.
I am not having any strange thoughts is the good news. Not working is the best thing for me although the days sort of run together without having any real direction which work did for me. I help my parents a lot still and have my sixteen year old son to take care of and he is having some mental health problems this year which is interfering with his schooling. So life has meaning but I am just so sad that my daughter lives so far away! She is my main support and it just isn’t the same on the phone…
Anyway sorry to be a downer but this is where I am right now. Hope all my readers have a great Christmas and a happy new year!