Some days are still hard…

Hello to all, Victoria here! Hope everyone is doing well- it’s been a little quiet in the email department but then there are days when I get several emails. I am hoping it is quiet because my readers are leading fulfilling lives and have better things to do than email me, but I welcome all email. It is a pleasure to me to open my inbox and receive many messages from those afflicted, loved ones and professionals!

I have been on disability for one month now and to be perfectly honest, some days are downright hard. I am suffering highs and lows quite frequently these days and although I have not been isolating the way I was afraid I would be I do have a lot of quiet time to myself which for the most part I treasure. And this is all in between helping my elderly parents, going out to coffee or lunch with friends old and new, and going to AA and weight watcher meetings. Oh and of course my walking is still happening although I am not walking as much as I was the first couple of weeks. I was getting in 5 to ten miles a day and it was great because it was free and gave me something to do but now that I am more focused on house tasks, cleaning and such, I don’t have as much time to walk so I get in 4 miles average on most days.

I enjoy these walks, it feels good for my body to move and it gives me time to think, pray, listen to music and meditate. Sometimes I walk with a partner or my doggies, but most days it is just me, my walking shoes and the pavement. I went to a craft store to see about getting a hobby for night time when I am watching tv or netflix with my husband, but I just wasn’t interested in anything I saw. Readers if you have any suggestions I would appreciate it in the comments!

Some days are hard though, like today. I went to my weight watcher meeting, earned my 25 pounds loss medal, shared with the group I was doing well and then went home and watched a new show I am obsessed with on Netflix and then went to the dentist. The dentist discovered that 1/4 of my back tooth was broken off. I thought I had just lost a filling! So I need a crown and it will cost me one thousand dollars! Dang! There have been a lot of these unexpected expenses lately and I am not making as much on disability as I did when I was working along with some other bills. Blah blah blah. I really hate money problems! I am praying a novena to the Child Mary which will end tomorrow. I trust in God and He hasn’t let me down yet but I need like several miracles to be ok financially this month. I even subscribed to a newsletter which teaches how to be frugal. I am really trying!

Anyway, this news about the crown really got me down so I went to an AA meeting and shared about the obsession of the mind and boy was I obsessing over this thousand dollars I don’t have. Instead I decided I needed to focus on the Serenity prayer, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”. It has helped today to remember that prayer and try to live by it. I also reached out to my best friend and dear daughter who is now living 3 states away. They both encouraged me in different ways how to get through this tough time. I have had a lot happen to me over the last few weeks with my elderly parents who I help when I can, my two adult children getting into car accidents and other stuff with friends.

I guess I get overwhelmed easily, but reaching out to my best friend and daughter was pretty huge for me to do and I like the outcome. When I struggle I so commonly keep it to myself but not today and that made the difference and helped the day to turn around.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I wish you all the best!
Pax
Victoria

End of another week and still feeling hopeful

It’s Saturday night and I am watching the movie “Rocky” with my husband. The scene just happened where he is fighting Mr. T and encouraging him to hit him and he does but then Rocky makes a come back and knocks him out.

This is how I feel about mental illness. We must look it square in the face and say, is that all you’ve got? I will not allow this disorder to defeat me! I will not give up even though it’s hard but fight even harder for good mental health.

It is the end of another week and I have accomplished much. I am really focused on my house, family and friends and doing all I can to be the best wife, mother, daughter and friend I can be. And that must be enough. Even though I can’t work that doesn’t mean I won’t stop putting up a good fight for stable mental health and giving back to society in whatever way I can.

Pax
Victoria