The social aspect of this disorder

 

One of the most debilitating problems with this disorder is that in group settings I am often quiet and feel very awkward when I do add to the conversation.  Today was a bit of a breakthrough.  I am forcing myself to get out of my house more and participate in the world.  It feels good to have friends and family that I care about and that they care for me and accept me for who I am, disorder and all.  Many of them even forget I have a mental disorder because I am pretty good for the most part.

My weekend started out rough though because I ran out of my anti-anxiety meds and had an anxiety attack at an AA meeting.  I excused myself and waited out in my car because I had promised a good friend a ride after the meeting.  My best friend came out of the meeting and another acquaintance came too to check on me.  I was pretty anxious but was appreciative that they came cared about me.  We talked for a while and it was a really neat experience to have people genuinely interested in my well being.

After the meeting I went home and cleaned my house!  I haven’t done that for a while because of different reasons but it felt really good to have a clean house that I cleaned not somebody else or just lived with dust and dirt until one of my kids or my mother-in-law would do it.  I decided to spend the day by myself because I could and have been so busy with friends and family that I haven’t had much alone time.  I was ok with myself but wanted to spend some time with people on Sunday because I was afraid I would be bored at home all day alone again, which is what I would do up until recently.

Sunday I invited my dad over for muffins and we hung out for a while with my kids coming in and out.  I received a text from my friend Julia to meet up at a new coffee shop.  I invited my dad and we both went and had a great time hanging out at this really cool coffee shop.  I was out so I stopped by to see another friend who is having a hard time right now but she was asleep and I had some time before a little party I was invited to was going to start so I went shopping and then to the party.  Mind you on weekends I normally would just spend time on my computer and watching shows on Netflix.  It seems that now I get these invites and it is way more fun to hang out with people.

The party I went to had about 15 people and at first I was super anxious but then got really into the conversation.  I asked questions and was genuinely interested in the responses and had a really nice time.  I was nervous about the party but it was great.  I am back at work tomorrow but hope to have more weekends like this where there is a good balance between alone time and time with friends and family.

Have a great week everyone!

Pax

Victoria

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