A wish…

Sometimes I really wish I could work in my community with fellow people with this disorder.  I have recently worked in my career with 2 people who have psychotic disorders and I feel I am really able to help them mainly because of my personal experience, even though they do not know I have a psychotic disorder, too.  I know I can’t help everyone but I feel like I could do more.  I toyed with the idea to contact a local organization and volunteer to lead a group and disclose my disorder and recovery but I know I would have to tell my work and I really fear the stigma associated with Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective Disorder.

At my last job, after disclosing my mental health condition things definitely changed.  My judgement was no longer trusted and I was treated “differently”.  I tried not to believe that things had changed but they did.  Things are going really well for me at my work.  With the exception of one co-worker no one knows.  Why should I jeopardize my good standing just to maybe help a few more people?  I can’t do it now but perhaps later I will specialize in this disorder and “come out” after I have proven myself.

Is this selfish thinking?  I think not.  My family depends on my income so if I were to jeopardize that it would affect them directly and they are my number one priority in life.

So for now I will just continue to do what I am doing and try to be satisfied.

Pax

Victoria

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5 comments on “A wish…

  1. I understand you apprehension. Psychotic disorders have a lot of stigma that is not deserved, but it’s there regardless.

    At your previous job, did you disclose your issue to them voluntarily, or was it something that was necessary due to the circumstances? Just wondering why they needed to know.

    • Thanks for your interest. I disclosed my disorder with a coworker whom I was getting close to. She forced me to tell my boss (who I wouldn’t tell in a million years voluntarily) or else she told me she would share it with her. There is more to this story really, if you are interested in more details email me and I will share on email. victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com
      Victoria

  2. PS, I have purchased your book but haven’t had time to read it all yet – so I apologize if the answer to the above question is in the book.

  3. Dear Victoria,
    I have a question: even with medication, the possibility that the ”schizo episode to relapse” exists, but, without the medication, is the risk increasing ? Because, I personally, I cannot have peace with ”new” myself, and I live in the past, when ”I was normal”. I, for example, am taking medication only during episodes which rarely occurs. It is my choice to live life like that and to struggle with myself, I am not afraid of voices, I am afraid of repetition methods in my reactions that can lead to that point.

    • Hello,
      It is my understanding although I am no expert that when one has psychotic episodes that the brain deteriorates. The medication prevents this deterioration. Once I knew I had Schizophrenia, I got on the medicine as quickly as possible because I do not wish to lose more brain cells than needed. I believe that psychosis comes in cycles so my opinion is that the risk to relapse would not increase being off the medication but how does one know when the psychosis will come and what will happen in the mean time while the medication works? I follow my doctor’s advice 100% because I trust him completely with my mental health. Finding a psychiatrist one can trust is the best thing for people who suffer from any mental disorder. I hope this helps. Write any time. Also, I don’t quite understand your statement ” I am not afraid of voices, I am afraid of repetition methods in my reactions that can lead to that point.” Can you elaborate as I am very interested?
      Pax,
      Victoria

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