Reality checks

Well it has been almost a week since my dosage of Latuda (which I posted again down below) was cut down to 40 mg and I feel fine.  Perhaps I am a little more antisocial or maybe I am just choosy with who I hang out with.  My rules are: no drama, no drama, no drama.  If there is drama I avoid people at all costs.

Knowing that some of the delusions may come back cause me to constantly doing reality checks.  That is not normal but I really am the best one to assess my condition.  I have a rare form of Schizophrena in that I diagnosed myself and am able to recognize when things aren’t quite right.  My psychiatrist agrees with this so I am not just being delusional.

This is how my reality checks go:

As I perceive the world around me I think, am I putting meaning to things outside of me.  One example is that when I was actively delusional, I thought the gas prices had to do with how well I was doing.  If they were high, I thought it meant that I was needing help.  If they were low I thought I was doing better.  The weird thing one day was that when I was hospitalized gas prices were at their all time high (at least back then) and then the day I got out of the hospital they had dropped back down below their previous level.  Things like this don’t help me when they happen.  I even had my psychiatrist thinking.  But now I see the impossibility of it, now that I am not delusional.  So as I look at the world I think am I beginning to feel like things are directly affecting that don’t have anything to do with me, like an accident or something like the war.

That is one way I decide.  Another way is by my social interactions.  Are they awkward and I am struggling to find the right words to say?  Am I on topic or just talking in a way that doesn’t make much sense?  I also gage it by how I feel about reaching out to others and to make sure I am not delusional currently I am keeping up my social engagements with immediate family but I must be honest I don’t really feel much like seeing people outside my immediate family right now so I have to watch this one.

Another way I do a reality check is by deciding if my thoughts are not my own.  Do I feel like something or someone else is providing my thoughts for me, sending me messages or inserting thoughts?  Right now I feel like all my thoughts are my own, but this is one area that can really creep up on me so I will be watchful.

With all that being written, I do not believe I am delusional right now….

I’ll keep this blog up to date as things progress.

Pax

Victoria

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