To be or not to be delusional

When I was psychotic I received many messages from heaven I believed.  I even had other people believe my messages, 2 people in particular.  When I entered the psychiatric ward it rocked their world.  Once I started on the medication the messages ceased entirely for the most part.

Then 2 years or so later something happened I would like to share.

It is a long story so bear with me.

I had a dear friend who let me go because I became Catholic.  She was an evangelical Christian and just couldn’t get past the fact that I was now Catholic.  I remember she called me one day at 6 in the morning because she had a dream that I had died in a terrible accident and had gone to hell and left behind my kids and husband.

We had another friend who she maintained the friendship although at one time the three of us had been best of friends.  This friend died in a terrible car accident about a year after my friend had the dream that I had died.  I went to the funeral but did not speak to my friend there who had the dream although I did call her to extend my symptathy.  The call was not well received.  This friend who died left behind a husband and children.

Fast forward 3 years and I received a call from the friend who had let me go.  She was sorry for letting me go and wanted to see me.  I had already forgiven her for I understood her position so I readily agreed.  Then I checked my calendar and realized she had called me on the anniversary of our friend’s death.  I asked her if she knew this.  She did not.

We met and picked up like no time had passed.  The next thing that happened was we were in my backyard with the kids and I was walking over to the side of the house to do something and I heard a message from God to tell her that God wanted her to become Catholic.  This was the first time since I had been on medicine that I heard from heaven.  It was very clear what God was asking but I did not want to do it because I knew it would not be well received.

As I approached my friend, she asked me point blank what message God had for her.  I said I didn’t care to say.  She insisted upon it.  So I did.  A few days later she called and told me that she felt it best not to be friends again.  I hold no anger toward her, but what I believe is that God does not want us to be friends- that It will interfere with what God wants me to do.  Isn’t that bizzare?

I had not heard from God again until 2 years later.  Once again God gave me a message for somebody else that did not go over well and once again a part of my life closed.  So I do feel that when God wants something he will intervene according to his purposes.

I feel better when I do not recieve these sorts of messages, but when they come I cannot deny them.  I share all of these thoughts with my psychiatrist and he never ups my dosage but believes that when other people are hearing some sort of message too that it may be real and it only happens every few years.

Do any of you ever wonder if you are delusional at times or not?

Pax

Victoria

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