Life after psychosis

Recovery is possible after psychosis.  I was psychotic in and out for about one year.  I knew something was amiss when everything that happened outside of me seemed to pertain to me to a very great degree.

Then I went on medication and it all came to a screeching halt.  The visions, the hallucinations, the thought insertion.  No more.

I actually missed it, after a while, getting used to the quiet in my brain.

So what does one do when one comes back to reality?  It took some time getting used to it, and seriously I felt as if a very good friend had died.  But I reached a new normal, a normal that was without excitement and drama.  I prefer it now but that definite grieving period was very hard.

When one is receiving messages from heaven and it all stops, it is going to be hard to live life without it.

Now I am much stronger.  I do not hear voices or feel like the universe is centered around me.  And it feels good.  It feels right.

Today I was at church and I realized that truly I am not the most special person in the universe and I was happy.  That is a great burden to feel like you are more special than everybody else.  It is only recently that I have finally felt less special.  Don’t get me wrong.  I still believe that we are all special.  That we all have a greater purpose in life.  But I am not the greatest I can finally admit and it is very freeing.

I went through stages.  These stages were one step forward, one step backward and so forth.

Writing has helped.  Talking to others does not.  Nobody understands what I went through, although people can symptathize with me.

Finding new meaning in life has been the  greatest help.  I now help others  recover from mental disorders.  Not that we all are called to do that, but for me helping to bring about positive change in children’s lives has been my saving grace.  Other ways to help could be to help out at a homeless shelter or church.  I also go to AA and help out there as well.  If one is not called to helping people the local animal shelter is another avenue.  Giving back is what is important, not exactly what one does.

Pax

Victoria

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