Clozapine is suppressing my appetite!

I’ve lost 5 pounds so far with 20 to go!

I am also off two medicines I have been taking for years~ Risperdal (an anti-psychotic) and Buspar (anti-anxiety).

I am still on Latuda (an antipsychotic) and attivan (anti-anxiety) for my mental health and synthroid for my thyroid.

I see my psychiatrist on the 19th of this month and will be pleased to give him a good report of the new medicine, Clozapine.

It still makes me tired a lot but I think and hope my body is adjusting to it.  I take naps but not today…

Today I  ran my household tight.  Shopped, cleaned, cooked and got it all tidy.  I’ve been doing much better lately with the household and I know that is another benefit of this med.  I am more motivated, creative, and in a better mood.

I also feel much stronger to work again.  I have applied at two places that I would use my degree for the job if I get hired, if I get an interview….

God’s will be done!

Pax

Victoria

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How do I keep busy while I await….

I am currently at 100 mg of clozapine, and despite the tiredness I feel pretty good hopeful and keeping up with everything for the most part…

I have applied for a job which I might get…

But in the meantime I keep myself busy with light tasks and fun hobbies.

I make bath diy products, soap, hand sanitizer, lotion, bath bombs and use my quite nice collection of essential oils, which I have been collecting the last few months.

Lavender is my favorite for night or when I am chilling, jasmine and yiang yiang during the day hours.  I not only have an room diffuser but I also wear a necklace made of lava rocks which diffuse the oils too that I am enjoying.

I also garden when it is nicer and enjoy my flowers throughout the areas I have been working on.  I also just bought a windchime for the front.  Not windy right now though.

I busy myself also with making DIY Christmas decorations.  This year will be a sad year because my daughter isn’t coming home but will be here in January.  It is because of this that I am doing Christmas very different this year.  I sent a few important cards but not to everyone I usually send to.  Why is it that only at Christmas we remember certain people?

I have been celebrating Christmas for weeks now giving away the bath products I made and little well meaning gifts.  I enjoy giving.  IT’s fun to bless someone that isn’t expecting it.

I have much serenity these days as I adjust to my new medication.  Prayer is at the forefront of every day, and I see answered prayer among my day quite frequently.  I have candles burning for different requests.  One for my dad and mom, one for my daughter and a dear friend for their future spouses, one for Mike my husbands friend who tried to kill himself but didn’t succeed but is left in a poor state, one for all my family and loved ones.  To God do I burn these candles and trust my prayers are being heard by heaven!

I do not have much anxiety right now which is good.  I have so much love and joy and am experiencing these wonderful emotions while I wait for what I do not know what the future will bring.

I have a certain sadness because of my dad.  Hoping he makes it another Christmas…

Pax

Victoria

Even when I was flat broke, which I am now…God had my hand…

God tests us sometimes and right now is that time.  Testing my patience with the medication which makes me tired and not hungry, testing me with my finances being so bleak as I await on a job I applied for that is in my field.

I am reminded of God’s goodness all the time though even while waiting for something to happen…

I see a bird, a flower, an ocean, a cup of warm coffee…I see God in every comfort and in every suffering I feel that I share in some of what he must have felt as He hung on the cross of Calvary for our sins, past, present and future.  It is to this blood that I appeal now and all my days.  I am not suicidal but look forward to the day when God decides I am done here.

Today I took care of me all day and am relaxing some more.  With this medication adjustment I don’ t know when I am hungry, tired etc…

But for today I trust in God Almighty, and bow down before Him!  In my lowliness, Lord show me the way!

 

Pax

Victoria

Scared to death

so disability says I am not disabled so I must follow suit…

Tomorrow I am going back to my old work but am applying in a different less stressful situation…

Just wish I wasn’t so tired all the time.  I nap every day now.

I’m in serious debt from the last two years thinking that I was going to get back pay from disability.  But no that is not going to happen.

So I am going on a major spending freeze, only basics… not even the dollar store when I am in the mood for amusement.

I just don’t understand how the doctor’s statement that I am disabled didn’t render a different verdict.  My husband says to let it go…

But I will talk to my lawyer tomorrow all the same.

I just don’t get it.  I have tried to work and met with failure, but maybe this time will be different now that I am on new medicine that really helps me to feel more normal.

Pax

Victoria

Decision rendered, “unfavorable”.

That was all that was sent to me by SSA disability.  unfavorable.

But perhaps it is the very best thing as I already have a job lined up where I used to work as an outreach consultant at a school for my base.  I have very much missed working with children these past two years and with no grandchildren in sight it will be good to work with kids again.  I am strange, I often prefer to spend time with kids than adults.  Much more interesting and I just love their passion for learning new things.

I have already cleaned up my resume and printed it and will go in Monday morning first thing.  Can’t wait till Monday…

I’m not going to say that I’m not scared at the idea of working again, I am, but I choose to be brave and trust in God.  He has brought me safe thus far and I will continue to rely on Him!

Pax

Victoria

Music soothes my soul….

In the mood to blog, hope everyone is doing well.

Music really helps me a lot that and my essential oils…

I find music on Youtube for free and buy some CD’s when I want to play my music while I am working on the kitchen.

Today is my anti-shopping day.  Not one thing, we’ll see, it is hard to resist Amazon Prime.

Right now I am listening to Jason Mraz, Mr. Curiosity.  So amazing!

I am also addicted to the music of Sara Bareilles, I choose you, 100 times and more….

Pax

Voctproa