The circle of life

Welcome to my blog! Please feel free to read this short bio if you are new, return readers can scroll down to new post, thanks.

My name is Victoria and I suffer from Schizoaffective Disorder (SA), which is basically Schizophrenia plus depression; this blog journals my progress from fall 2013 to now although I was diagnosed in 2008. I have experienced both the positive (hallucinations and delusions) and negative symptoms (lack of motivation, flat affect. social difficulties) of Schizophrenia and while the positive symptoms have been under control with Risperdal, since being diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder by UCLA in 2008, I have still suffered from the negative symptoms until recently when my psychiatrist added Latuda. Post diagnosis I received my Masters Degree in Psychology and used to work in the mental health field until stress caused me to try to go on permanent disability in September 2015. I was off for one year on disability but it took so long I found a job 2 weeks ago and it is low stress but not in the mental health field.  I am doing sales and doing well so far in my training.  I go live November 1st and look forward to making some good money as well as help people with products I believe in that are good for their health.
I started this blog in fall 2013 which journals my personal recovery from Schizophrenia. The earliest entries chart my psychotic period 2006/2007 with much in between and my current focus is managing the negative symptoms of Schizophrenia. I welcome all feedback and enjoy meeting new people through this blog and other articles I have written. I have also written a book which is available on Amazon by me, Victoria Marie Alonso- My personal recovery from Schizophrenia, which is for loved ones or those afflicted with this disorder. This blog has been viewed over 8000 times and by over 50 countries! Bienvenidos a todos! Welcome to all!

Please feel free to email me to share your story or that of a loved one

Other mental health providers or researchers are welcome to ask any questions, as well.

New Post:

My circle of life has come round full circle today, yes it is my birthday but I don’t wish for happy birthdays or congratulations.  Instead I am taking quiet moments by myself to think and ponder on the greatness of life and what my mental illness means to me.

It means so much…When I was psychotic I was on a different plane of existence.  It was beautiful, awesome and scary all at the same time.  Now that I am on medication the symptoms are managed but I have awakened spiritually since that first encounter in 2008, 8 years ago.  I am much more in tuned with God and feel at peace being on medication.

I was supposed to work today but God had other plans.  I felt sick and got out of work, came home and took a 3 hour nap and now am just relaxing before I go out to dinner with my loving family.  I watched a Ted talk on spirituality vs psychosis and found it to be very interesting.  I would be revered in certain cultures and encouraged to be psychotic or spiritually attuned.  The stigma of mental illness would not follow me, instead I would be mentored by someone else who had undergone the same sorts of experiences.

Wow! That is an amazing thought to have on my birthday!

Yet, I know that I will never go off my medication as there are no cultures here that support this type of life.

But in the same breath I can say that my spiritual life is very good right now.  I pray upon awakening and throughout the day and before retiring at night.  I believe in God the Father Almighty who made heaven and earth!

May the God of our understanding comfort you all in all your trials and experiences whether medicated or not.  We each have our own path and walk it the best we can.  For me it is what it is and I don’t regret it.



Small celebration!

After tonight’s posts I can say that I have published 100 posts on this site!  Woo hoo!

To all my followers thank you for the comments and likes and emails, to my new readers- welcome and I hope if you suffer from this debilitating disorder or have a loved one with this disorder as well that you will write in and share your story with me too!

Good night all!





Networking+ Share Your Blog

Jay Colby

I just want to take this time to thank everyone who reads, subscribers and shares my site. I appreciate all the support and encouragement.I would love to read everyone’s blog, but I don’t always get a chance to read and follow everyone’s blog.

So today I want to offer a networking opportunity and a chance for all bloggers no matter what niche or experience a chance to gain more traffic. Anyone who wants to gain free traffic can participate. All you have to is comment your blog below & I will follow every blog and actually read your content.So if you’re interested just comment your blog’s URL below. Also If you could share and re-blog this post so we can reach as many bloggers as possible!

Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved.

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Going live on the sales floor November 1st!

I see my pdoc tomorrow and am going to be happy to share with him that I am working and loving it.  I am still in training though but have done very well thus far and they plan to have me “go live” November 1st!  I feel I will be ready by then.  There is a lot to remember and application and timing is even more important to doing well with this sales job.

My life is very full these days.  After work, I go see my dad in the hospital, then I go some days to help my mom who is very frail and not getting on well.  I don’t know what I will do when I start working more hours November 1st but I will go from 30 to 40 hours and won’t be able to see my dad as much or my mom:(

I have been doing a really great job at taking care of myself too and my family.  It is a balancing act and it seems that the more I have to do the better at it I am at getting it all done by the end of each day.  Today I took the day off from going anywhere except  walking to the store and back to pick up a couple of things and get a little exercise. It was a needed rest day and tomorrow I have a lot going on with appointments and shopping to do Yay~!

I was diagnosed with vertigo recently and will share that with my pdoc but other than that I have not had any symptoms of any sort which is just great.  I get a little anxious at work when I am asked a question that I don’t know the answer to but it is a great company and they don’t expect me to know everything.  I have to pass a test soon before I go live so I have started studying every other night for that.  Flashcards are helping!  Haven’t taken a test for a while but shouldn’t be a big deal.

Hope you all are doing well too!





Working really helps me!

Hello to all!

Victoria here and happy to say that work is going awesome so far!  The people are great and I love the company I work for so far.  Very fair and honesty is their mantra.

That being said, I must say that I was more productive this past week than most of the year I was off on disability.  I kept up with my house, cooked some great meals and enjoyed time with friends.  On my days off, Thursday and Friday, I relaxed one day pretty much and was bored on Thursday but today, Friday, I made a long list and actually accomplished 95% of it.  I was a little stressed because there was so much I needed to do to make my work week go smooth but shouldn’t have worried because everything went well.

I even got to spend time with my dying father.  We drank coffee and told each other that we loved each other which we he hasn’t said it for a while (he has been in the hospital since early July).  He even added after he said he loved me that he loved the kids too!!! Wow, it was bittersweet of course because he is not getting better but I was overjoyed that he still thinks of us and his love for us.

Well it is back to work tomorrow and I have my lunch packed and ready to go.  I am so glad my husband insisted on my working especially for this company.  It is sales so there will be ups and downs but I will make good money and hopefully have more productive weeks like this one.

I see my pdoc next week and can’t wait to share the good progress report.  My mental health is pretty good, no time to sit at my computer and stare anyway ha ha seriously that was much of my day when I wasn’t working I am ashamed to admit.  Knowing I have to be at work I have to be very careful with my time although I still play around and goof off on the computer just in smaller increments.

Hope ya’ll have a great weekend.



I will be reentering the workforce!

So after a month of interviewing with this one mattress store, after my third interview, I got the call that I got the job!  I was ecstatic to say the least.  I start right away and it will be 40 hours a week.

So this means I am giving up on permanent disability for now and really trying to see if I can make it at a less stressful job.  I think it will be fine because I did work for several years at a stressful job and going to work everyday wasn’t the problem, it was the stressful clients.  This job will be much less stress and I should make some pretty good money.

We celebrated naturally last night and went to a steakhouse with my immediate family although my dear daughter wasn’t there nor my youngest son (sad face) but my eldest was there with his girlfriend and my husband so it was pretty cool.

The sad part is that I will not get to see my dad as much working full time but I know I will still go.  My visits with him have gotten shorter anyway because he really is not with it and he doesn’t talk at all except occasionally.  I am doing well with his eminent death.  From the stages of grief I think I am in the acceptance stage.  I love him dearly and don’t want him to die but I know it will happen sooner or later.  It is my mom I worry about more because she is so frail and not doing well but I will still help her out on my days off and be there for her as much as possible.

All in all it will be a good thing that I am working, for the money, for my sanity, to feel productive, to force myself to get out of my house….  My pdoc is ok with it so that is cool!

I still have some days when I don’t feel like I can handle life very well.  One day last week it was super hot and I had a major anxiety attack at Church.  But we left early and I went home and felt better.

Has the heat ever caused any of you to have an anxiety attack like that?

Well that is enough rambling about me.  Will keep you all posted on how work goes!  I start Saturday so that will be great and one word for you ladies!  I need work clothes so…

SHOPPING!!!! lol