In my last post, I said I was taking a break from blogging for a while. Well, I lied. I was feeling very down due to going on permanent disability and didn’t think I had much to offer my readers. I suffer from Schizoaffective Disorder and stress brings out my symptoms so I made the decision to stop working recently, which means I am not going for my MFT license (I have earned 2,700 of 3,000 needed hours). What job is stress free? Just the stress of getting up everyday and having to be at work was much harder after my last relapse of the negative symptoms of my disorder.
So what have I been up to this week? I have been cleaning my house mostly and didn’t realize how dirty it was! I have also been cooking more and paying more attention to my 16 year old son who I feel I have neglected due to being so focused on my career. Amazingly, I have also been hanging out with friends and/or family almost every day which is awesome. Isolating in my home is not good and I am finding much pleasure in having these friend/family dates to look forward to in between my cooking and cleaning.
I have a serious mental health condition and because of that fact, I have limited ability with my attention. I gave so much at work (my therapist says I give 120%) that I had nothing left for my personal life. My hat is tipped to any of you who are able to work, take care of a family/house and stay stable. Not me.
I accept this limitation and have plans to volunteer once I get my house in order. My options are open right now. I wouldn’t mind volunteering at the hospital, or at a local ranch or who knows what will come my way? I remain open to any ideas readers may have, or that you are doing. It seems like most of my readers who have this disorder can’t work much. I am with you now admitting not defeat but rather a conscience choice to stay at home.
So for now I will keep blogging as it does really help me to get it out on here.
If you have been with me for a while, thanks for reading and being a part of my recovery. If you are a new reader welcome and I hope you come back and email me if you are so inclined and share your story. I have some insight and it is always good to connect with others who are in similar circumstances.
I think now that I am not working I will be much more balanced and not have any more relapses. This last one was bad, landing me in the hospital in December 2014 on suicide watch… Never want that to happen again. This time early August 2015, I headed off a relapse because I recognized the signs, dread of going to work, feeling very stressed out during and after work and just not being at my best mentally. So I have new hope today and that is never a bad thing!
Feel free to email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
I also welcome professionals, students or anyone interested in this disorder to write me as well!